Thursday, April 03, 2003

A Bone to Pick With Produce

What is up with pears? Today at the grocery store I selected two beautifully ripening Bartlett pears, skin smooth as silk and buttery yellow. By the time I got home they looked like they'd been in a prize fight, bruised and gashed and dented.
And oranges. I want sweet oranges, not grapefruit disguised as oranges. And I want normal peels, not these half inch thick models where the fruit inside ends up being the size of a plum.
And where did all these apple varieties come from? When I was little there were delicious, winesap and that was it. Then green Granny Smith apples appeared.
Now there are those plus gala, jonathan, cameo, braeburn, yellow delicious, fuji, boogaloo, cockadoodledoo, wingwang, macintosh, IBM, gateway, green delicious, jimbob and 20 other varieties I am forgetting.
When did papayas get to be 20 pound footballs? Even if I liked them, which I don't, how could I eat that much?
And purple potatoes? Who the hell wants purple potatoes?
Why do plums have to goof themselves up by having that bitter skin thing going on? Can't they hybrid that flaw out of them?
And didn't strawberries used to be a little bit sweet? Now you have to dip them in caramel or chocolate or cake batter to make them palatable.
As for lettuce, don't get me started. They have bags of tossed salad, bags of spinach and bags of field greens, so why can't they get some iceberg, romaine, bibb, redleaf and leaf lettuces and mix them together and bag them? Are they afraid they'd fight?

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