Pussy Footin' Around

I hate war. I hate this war. I didn't want us in this war because I knew it would take longer than anyone thought and be more bloody and dangerous than the Pentagon said it would be. But we are there and we may as well win the damn thing and get out.

I suppose it's a good thing that American and British troops have been more respectful toward Iraqi mosques, schools, hospitals, Iraqi civilians, women and children than the Iraq mongrels who are 'defending' Iraq. The Iraqis get to open fire on coalition forces from the confines of sacred mosques and the coalition declines to return fire, not wanting to mar the sacred walls of their Islamic temples.
They get to use woman and children as human shields because they know they are fighting with ladies and gentlemen, under order not to stoop to their level. The Iraqi soldiers are fighting in civilian clothes, knowing the coalition has committed itself to curtailing civilian casualties.
News of the Americans killing a van full of Iraqi women and children has inundated our airwaves. One can only imagine how they are playing up the story in the Middle East.
Saddam and his sons are either dead, severely injured or playing an elaborate game of "Where's Waldo".

Coalition forces have littered the arena with tons of pounds of leaflets urging surrender.
Perhaps it's time to regroup and print up some new leaflets.

· Leaflet One: If you plan to fire on us from sacred mosques, historic gravesites, hospitals and schools, sorry, but we'll have to fire back. We'll be sure to document on video that you started it. Oh, and don't kill our POW's. That makes us testy.
· Leaflet Two: Ladies, if you plan to cruise around in your minivans, kindly stop at coalition checkpoints or we'll have to assume you are military clad as civilians and mess you up. Or better still, stay home. There's a war going on and you and your kids are not safe driving around.
· Leaflet Three: There's a groundwar in Baghdad. It's dangerous to be an Iraqi male outside, no matter how you're dressed. So Ali and Akbar, if you aren't in the Iraqi military, you'd best stay indoors or we'll have to shoot at you. Sorry, but your comrades are wearing your clothes and confusing us.
· Leaflet Four: We didn't expect this to last so long and we are getting tired and cranky. We started out playing touch football and you guys are playing tackle. So here's the deal. No more rules, okay? You do it your way and we'll do it our way. On your marks, get set, let's go!
· Leaflet Five: Attention all embedded reporters, freelancers, photographers and media. Go on home now. This is fixin' to get ugly and no job in the media is worth getting shot over. We'll let the generals fill you in on the details every eight hours or so while you folks drink your Frappuchinos over in Kuwait City. Go on now, scat.
· Leaflet Six: Saddam, Uday, Koozay and Oog-lay are dead. Ding-dong the witch is dead, lay down your weapons, pop in an Eminem CD, come on out with your white flags and let's get this partay started.