Friday, May 16, 2003

An Infrequent Sports Blog

The Spurs beat the thrice-champion Lakers last night at their arena by an astounding 110-82. That's 28 points, also known as "giving the Lakers a basketball clinic."
Still, the ABC sports commentators, specifically Bill Walton, need to be horsewhipped and dragged down Pacific Coast Highway in Shaquille O'Neal's big, sweaty jock.
Picture this:
• Spurs' Tim Duncan scores on a triple team and draws a foul.
Walton: "Amazing defense by the Lakers! It's a miracle that went in. And the foul on Horry is questionable."
• Kobe Bryant jacks up a 17 footer and misses.
Walton: "Another fantastic and marvelous effort by the near-flawless Bryant."
Spurs lead by 6 points.
Walton: "We are witnessing the Spurs losing their grip and about to fade into Game 7."
• Shaq dunks.
As his dunk is replayed at three different camera angles, viewers miss a 3-pointer made by Bowen in the corner. No replay on that.
• Shaq at the free throw line. He misses.
Walton: "Its truly magnificent how the big guy has improved his free throwing ability."
• Duncan has already earned 32 points and misses one of two freethrows.
Walton: "Duncan is a notoriously bad free thrower, it really hurts his team in the stretch." He ignores that Duncan is MVP and the highest scorer in this game.

Well. I am here to say screw you, Walton.
You can now slither onto the Spurs bandwagon and slobber on them now that your Laker boys have been creamed in their own crib.
As for the Lakers, showtime is over. Shaq has lost a step, Kobe got nervous and you got no bench. Blame the refs, blame Phil Jackson's weak heart, blame it on the bossa nova, but it's over now for the world's most arrogant team.
And Jack Nicholson can stick a sock in it.

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