Karen Zipdrive: Speed Racer

I knew this would happen.
Today I bought a brand new, lightweight, dual spring suspension, 7-speed, 26 inch bike in metallic cherry red.
I just got back from a high speed, bump taking, car avoiding, corner careening marathon ride all the way to Walgreen's and back.
Man, I was like greased lightning.
I was power shifting, weaving, bobbing, the works. I didn't even bother with my driveway, I just downshifted and rode across the freakin' lawn, like a red streak.
En fuego!
I even wore some black biking shorts, which looked pretty damn good from the ass on down (but the front and side views still need a bit of work).
I bought a gel seat to go over the existing gel seat and a high-end cable lock. Now I have to go find the perfect basket for my grocery store treks.
And I have to WD-40 the rear brake lines because they screech and that's just not cool.
The gears are so well meshed the bike doesn't even tick when it's coasting, it just makes a swishing sound as it slashes through the wind at breakneck speeds.
I don't want to brag, but I think Lance Armstrong might feel a little intimidated if he saw me coming up from behind. The g forces actually make my face tighten as I bear down on the pedals.
Oh, I am fast on my new bike, baby. Today Walgreen's, tomorrow the world.
But first, a nap. :)