I took a long drive up a country highway yesterday to visit my brother at his new lake house in Marble Falls. The whole family was there, so it was a chance to kill several birds with one tank of gas.
I forgot what a pretty part of Texas that place is in. The whole drive was all about verdant green cedar, mesquite and oak trees and a sea of gorgeous wildflowers. It was nice to get on the open road and drive fast with those colors whizzing by.
Speaking of birds, my brother, sister-in-law, sister and her partner are all birdwatchers. They call it birding now, presumably to sound less nerdy. But there they were, all fanned out with binoculars watching birds land on the feeders.
My mother looked over the assembly of birders from the front porch and said, "All my kids are nerds but you." Ha.
When I got back home, I had arranged to meet my recent ex for coffee at a rustic little coffee house in town.
After several laughs, some reminiscing and some serious talk about What Went Wrong, she maintained that she needed to remain on her own to sort things out, yadda yadda yadda. She said she still loves me, but...well, you know the drill.
Call me crazy, but a breakup farewell that consisted of ten minutes of full length body clinching between our parked vehicles on a dark side road felt a bit contradictory to the final verdict.
Alas, I am not in charge of her emotional ambiguity, so I had to accept her decision and drive home alone late last night with unrequited happy pants.
The most valuable thing I have learned from my recovering AA friends is that when life presents circumstances that cannot be comprehended much less dealt with, it's easiest to just turn it over to God and await directions.
Often the directions are to do nothing, to continue doing what I would have been doing had ___ not happened. So there you have it. Cue up "Limbo Rock."
In other news, I have been making a conscious effort to will my glucose levels down.
With exercise and more weight loss, my metabolism has speeded up and my energy level has increased. This is all well and good but the process of further lowering my weight and glucose levels has been toying with my moods.
This morning I had a blood glucose level of 91. Seventy to 126 is considered non diabetic. The stress of the week had my levels bouncing from 100-170, so my dicey pancreas is mixing me up on all four planes.
Maybe she's right, maybe this is a good time to remain unencumbered.
Or maybe all I need is a good, uncomplicated fuck.