Saddam's Secret IM Conversations Revealed

DamsDaMan: Allah's blessings upon you, your majesty. How are things in Saudi Arabia?
FaudKing: Oh, not too bad, Saddam. How are you holding up?
DamsDaMan: Ehh, I have had better days.
FaudKing: I should imagine so. I'm surprised you have time to IM.
DamsDaMan: Time? I have about 22 hours left. Which reminds me...
FaudKing: Of?
DamsDaMan: Well, you know that little pool cabana of yours?
FaudKing: I have a thousand pools and two thousand cabanas, which do you mean?
DamsDaMan: Whichever, man. I was wondering if I could maybe crash there for a few weeks. Just me and the boys, you know. We'd bring our own figs and camel's milk, of course.
FaudKing: Jeeze, man, I have Osama here and, well, it's pretty dicey around here as it is.
DamsDaMan: Yeah well, thanks anyway. Hey, it's cool. See ya laters.
FaudKing: Hang in there, Saddy. Buh bye.

DamsDaMan: Hey Ali, how are things in Iran?
Ali Khamenei: What do you want, Saddam?
DamsDaMan: What do you mean what do I want? What's with the chill?
Ali Khamenei: Man, you must be desperate to IM me.
DamsDaMan: I see you are still filled rectally with the phallus of a camel!
Ali Khamenei: Yeah well, at least I wont be picking Patriot missile parts out of my rectum on Friday. And don't ask me if you can crash here with your insane sons.
DamsDaMan: Oh, like I'd ask you. You flatter yourself.
Ali Khamenei: May the sons of Osama rape your homely daughters! Good-bye!

DamsDaMan: Hey if it isn't Bulent Ecevit! How are you doing, buddy?
TurkeyPM2u: Hello Saddam.
DamsDaMan: Yeah, hey, I wanted to thank you for telling the white demon infidel George Bush he could not use Turkey as a base of invasion!
TurkeyPM2u: Yeah. Uh. Thanks.
DamsDaMan: So... I was thinking of taking my kids on a road trip soon. You up for some figs and fresh camel's milk, maybe a little poker?
TurkeyPM2u: Uhh, no can do. Bush already hates me. Finding you here would be suicide.
DamsDaMan: So you are telling me you are his harlot concubine?
TurkeyPM2u: Whatever, dude. Look I gotta go. Fatima's mother is making musk ox tonight.
DamsDaMan: Yeah right. Whatever dude. Allah be with you and all that.

DamsDaMan: Hey! Bonjour, mon ami!
LeJackChirac: Oui?
DamsDaMan: Can I stay with you in France for a few weeks?
LeJackChirac: Aha ha ha! Surely you jest!
DamsDaMan: No, I am quite serious.
LeJackChirac: You are quite insane is what you are.
DamsDaMan: But I thought the French loved me!
LeJackChirac: Non! We just hate Bush is all. Now I must go. Au revoir.