Shopping Just Like a Girl

We have a chain of stores here called "Tuesday Morning." They sell deep discounted linens, home decor items, kitchenware and other assorted crap, some of which is quite nice.
I got a circular last week, advertising 350-count Egyptian cotton sheets in rich jewel tone colors for only $39.99 a set. They usually retail for about $89.
The sale started at 8 a.m. this morning. I had a hunch I'd better get there early, so I arrived at about 8:03, and the line to enter the building was already about 50 people deep.
The wide-assed lady in front of me sensed my eagerness and said, "There's a line, you know." Since all I was doing was leaning forward to look inside the store, I felt like lipping off to her, but I just considered the source and left to her bossiness.
Once I was in the store, I sprinted to the linen department and there was only one good set left, in a nice burgundy color. Otherwise all they had left was beige, and beige sheets depress me.
I had to elbow my way to the register, with people cutting their eyes at my burgundy sheets and muttering under their breath. I noticed some shoppo-hogs in front of me had carts stuffed with six or more sets of sheets.
Once at the register, a woman ahead of me with a life-sized silk potted banana tree kept batting me in the face with one of the leaves. The pretty man behind me kept nudging me with his basket that was filled with huge glazed ceramic pots. I was literally wedged between greedy consumers, a situation I usually try mightily to avoid.
Oh, but these sheets were worth it.
They are smooth as a baby's bottom, with a beautiful striped pattern woven into the material. They glisten with cotton satiny goodness. I think they may have some magic properties. I think I'll feel like a goddess sleeping on them. A shopping goddess.