Saturday, February 28, 2009

Good. Call It What It Is.

I think it's a brilliant strategy to remind all Americans that comedian Rush Limbaugh is now the official voice of the Republican party.
Let them see this fat, sweaty, doped-up bastard as the brains behind the Party of No.
His statement about wanting President Obama to fail is all we need to know. He cares little for the nation, it's only the Republican party he cares for.
Now that Karl Rove is momentarily sidelined by subpoenas flying all around his fat head, Limbaugh had stepped to the head of the GOP slop trough.
It's a wonderful thing.
Go, Rush, Go! (to Hell)

Friday, February 27, 2009

My Dinner With Niblet's Mama

Last night I had the chance to meet up with my delightful fellow Blogger D-Guz from (Impeachment) and Other Dreams. See link to the right, I forgot how to hyperlink.
I picked her up at her parents house, just north of Bumfuck Texas, and got to meet her adorably sweet Mama.
Poor D-Guz had never laid eyes on me before, and there I was speaking broken Spanish to her Mom and inviting her along with us. She declined, but I think she liked that I asked.
So off we went.
I didn't want to scare her, so I drove my car Tina Turner nice and slow, sans radar detector. We got kinda lost and ended up driving an extra 20 miles trying to find civilization, and this was with navigation.
We finally got to our destination, a funky chic restaurant in the gay part of town called La Fonda on Main.
There on the patio in picture perfect weather, we quaffed margaritas and semi-decent Tex Mex, while the conversation soared. Seriously, there wasn't one awkward moment of silence.
D-Guz is smart and funny and kind, just like you'd expect from reading her Blog.
She has a perfect, bright white smile, like you see in the "after" side of those "before and after" dental ads.
She said she thought I'd be a lot different in person...she didn't elaborate, but I think she meant a lot more profane, crustier and crankier. I vowed to start Blogging a little softer after hearing that.
We share a very similar sense of humor, so it was great to comment on nearby diners, rake our fellow Bloggers over the coals (in a nice way) and of course talk politics.
Once we pushed away our half-eaten plates and drained our second margaritas, off we went to the Candlelight Coffee House and Wine Bar, where again we sat outside near the koi pond on their gorgeous, tree lined patio.
We ran into my old friend Chris, whom D-Guz charmed so much I thought he'd never leave.
Fueled by margaritas and caffeine, we swapped hilarious ex girlfriend/lover/partner stories and forged a wonderful kinship in the process. I felt like I'd known her for 20 years--that's how easy to know she turned out to be.
We thought about telling FranIAm and Lisa that we'd really connected and spent a torrid night together, but I think we're both too lazy to make up details like that.
Toward the end of the evening, D-Guz produced her cell phone camera and suggested a picture, but I nixed it. I prefer being a woman of mystery online. :)
Anyway, I feel so fortunate we hooked up. She's a truly amazing woman with a keen sense of humor packaged in a soft little bundle.
But most of all, the chick is smart. Her intellect crackles with electricity and her vocabulary is sensational. And she has the voice of the softest little femme kitten, which belies her physical sturdiness.
I wish she lived in San Antonio.
The chick is totally cool. When she moves to Sonoma, I am totally there.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Y'all Go Ahead and Wade Through the NBC Promo,
It's Worth It

I'll Tell You What

Obama's Stimulus Plan calls for tax hikes for anyone making more than $250,000 per year.
I'll tell you what.
Play me $250,000 a year and you can tax me at 50 percent.
I think I could survive on $125,000 a year just fine.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

HAHAHAHAHA! Are They Kiddin'?

Oh man, my abs are still sore from laughing at the pencil neck geek the Republicans pushed out in front to give the Republican response to President Obama's amazing speech.
Bobby Jindal is the future of the Republican party? WHAAAT?
That's fantastic!
From his goofy accent to his Opie-esque earnestness to his ridiculously canned response that made absolutely no sense, this guy was to Obama as Larry the Cable Guy is to Brad Pitt.
Oh my God, I'm thrilled that the GOP is grooming Jindal and Sarah Palin as their early frontrunners for the 2012 presidential race.
Bobby Jindal?
Tim Geithner
Get On the Stick, Boy!

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner needs to quit organizing his office supplies and hire some senior staff and start behaving as if the economic crisis we are in is real.
This is no time to fake it until you make it, Geithner either has the skills to handle this Herculean task or he doesn't.
If he doesn't, President Obama needs to quickly clear him out and bring in someone who has the chops for the job.
America's economic crisis is THE biggest problem our nation is facing right now. Geithner's face and voice should be on every newscast, every day, until economic conditions become more stable.
Until the economy is stabilized, the President is having to put other issues into holding patterns, like what to do about detainees and prisoners from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Keith Olbermann and Arianna Huffington discuss those holding patterns in this video.

Geithner is slowing down Obama's administration, causing it to have to focus on issues he should be handling. Is anyone here impressed with what they've seen so far from the Treasury secretary? Count me out.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Hip-Hop Republicans, Riiiight?

Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele plans an "off the hook" public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party’s principles to "urban-suburban hip-hop settings."

The RNC’s first black chairman said he will surprise everyone when updating the party’s image using the Internet and advertisements on radio, television and in print, he told The Washington Times.

I love it.
When I think Republicans, the words "off the hook" and "hip-hop" do not come to mind.
In fact, the words "modern" or "innovative" don't come to mind, either.

I realize the GOP thought electing a Black committee chairman was a great way to keep up with the Obamas, but they must be spitting up their single malts hearing this idiot announce his plans to hip-hopitize the honkies.

Between Steele and known lunatic Alan Keyes, the GOP's version of Black Americans is downright hilarious.
I hope they do manage to attract more Black Republicans to their these guys:
Rick Perry: What a Dick

Oh, brother.
First, Texas Governor Rick Perry stood up and bloviated about how much he hated the stimulus bill and how he might refuse to accept the money on behalf of millions of Texans.
Then of course he accepted it. Turd.
These damned Texas Republicans are so far behind the times, they actually think Bush is still in office and they still have power and credibility.
GOP's Rick Perry and Senators John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison can be counted on to do the opposite of what's good for Texans.
But Perry is most dangerous of the three because he's one of those Republicans, you know, the ones who are secretly gay and angry about it.
These closeted Republicans must think they have to be ultra mean, openly pessimistic and tough on social programs to seem more macho.
I don't think it's by coincidence that an arsonist torched the Texas Governor's mansion on Perry's watch. Hateful people like Perry draw negative energy toward themselves.
I know Texans tends to delay new trends, but I hope within the next four years, when Texans see President Obama making positive changes in the nation, they'll dump these Republican creeps and elect some people who care more about people than money and corporate greed.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Haven't we had enough shit like this?

Rupert Murdoch's New York Post cartoonist likening President Obama's reputation after getting his the bailout plan passed to the necessity of shooting that errant chimpanzee is just too much.
Murdoch needs to fire that idiot cartoonist, then fire the editor who okayed running the cartoon.
Then he needs to take both of those idiots, dip them in mashed bananas and chimpanzee estrus juice and throw them into the nearest all-male chimpanzee mosh pit.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


I have a million hilarious, sad, rage-inducing stories to tell about my former career, but if ever there was a time to keep my powder dry, this is it.
So here I am, a veteran Blogger with a head full of topics and the sense not to write about them just yet.
I'll have to keep things generic for now, m'kay?

As it turns out, I am not the corporate type.
Suiting up every morning at 7 a.m. and having to arrange my hair and make-up was bad enough, but folding my car into rush hour traffic and carrying around a briefcase in a 16-story office tower made me feel like I was miscast in a bad movie.
I was Vice President of Public Affairs.
That means I was supposed to do a lot of writing and schmoozing with outsiders, which suited me well.
What did not suit me were the constant staff meetings that seemed to be called for the sole purpose of letting the tiny little egotistical prick of a CEO sit at the head of the conference table and pretend to be running a business.
That, and a zillion redundant reports, reports about the reports, and reading others' reports consumed way too many hours per day.
At one point, weekly staff meetings on Mondays spun off into department meetings they spaced throughout the rest of the day.
So, we'd waste an hour or two in the morning meeting bragging to each other about what we were allegedly accomplishing, then we'd meet with the tiny CEO and his cronies later that day and rehash everything for another hour.
Sometimes he'd want a written report summarizing the meeting, then once that was handed to him, he'd ask what it was for.
Toward the end, we had an emergency, mandatory meeting where the COO laid out the new rules: No talking to each other about the business, no threatening each other and no sex talk.
Seriously, wouldn't those three forbidden topics make you want to ask everyone in sight exactly why those rules had to be made?

Ooops, I am getting a little beyond generic.
Never mind.

Friday, February 13, 2009

"Pick Me, Pick Me!"
"Never mind, I don't wanna do it."

In a classic, chickenshit Republican move, GOP patsy Sen. Judd Gregg campaigned for the job as Obama's Commerce Secretary, got the job, then promptly gave it back.
I think it's been really fascinating to watch how Obama has reached out to the GOP only to have them publicly shit all over his kindly overtures.

There's brilliance in Obama extending the olive branch to the GOP so early in his campaign.
After widely publicized, repeated attempts to reach across the partisan divide, can anyone cite even one example where Republicans have returned gestures of civility or cooperation?


Good thing.
It's wise to get them out of the way early in the President's first term. He tried. They refused to try.
We all saw what happened.

Unilateral relationships don't work. Trust me on that, Mr. President. You did your best, but--dare I use the cliche?
They just weren't that into you.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Octopussy: My Take On It

While it's pretty obvious the cheese slipped off this broad's quesadilla about 12 kids ago, what is even more obvious is the need to strip her accomplice of his medical license.
Or is that just the obvious solution?
No. In pondering it further, wouldn't it make more sense for him to have to serve as a carefully supervised prison doctor and donate the lion's share of his salary to the care and feeding of Nadya Suleman's 14 kids he helped create?
Now she's hired a publicist and created a web site to help her beg for money from hapless do-gooders.
I can certainly see pitching in for a destitute mother who had multiple births naturally, but for this woman?
She and her quack of a doctor knew what they were risking and it didn't matter.
Trying to rear 14 kids in a dirty, cramped home without enough income or mental stability to rear even one kid is just not in the kids' best interest.
California needs to step in and find suitable homes for these poor little souls. Sure, that's a draconian measure, but when you consider this woman was insane enough to want that many kids without a whit of regard for the consequences of her choice, well, there you have it.
It's either that or some circus side-show, and I'm not sure America is quite crass enough to go for that option.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

You Go, Senator Leahy

Senate Judiciary Chairman Patrick Leahy and White House Chief Counsel Greg Craig discussed on Tuesday the Senator's proposal to set up a truth and reconciliation commission to investigate potential crimes of the Bush administration.

Leahy added an important note to the story in an interview he gave the Huffington Post: Congress will likely proceed with investigations regardless of whether Obama is on board.

"Oh yeah," Leahy said when asked if he would go forward without Obama's endorsement. "I think the Senate and the Congress as a whole has an oversight responsibility that has to be carried out here anyway. Now it is much easier with the cooperation of the administration. A lot of things with the subpoenas I issued the past few years, we got a lot of information but a lot of it was held back."

Excellent news.
What we may forget after years of Bush trampling the Constitution is that the Legislative branch can and should operate independently of the Executive branch of the Federal Government.
No need for Obama to dirty his hands in the blood, guts and scum Bush and his cronies created. The Justice Department is completely capable of investigating the Bush war crimes and the lies they told, and it looks like Sen. Leahy is more than willing to lend them support from the Senate.
Bush left in his wake a financial crisis, two wars and America's international reputation in tatters. Still, time should and must be made to bring the Bush criminals to justice.
And you have to wonder, would Leahy be as willing to lead the charge had Dick Cheney not told him to go fuck himself on the Senate Floor in 2004?
Probably so.
Hey Karen Zipdrive! What's New?

You know a company sucks when a top executive quits one Monday morning without notice.
You know a company really sucks when two top executives quit without notice on the same day.
You know a company really sucks ass when three top executives quit without notice on the same day.
And you know a company has reached the pinnacle of suckatude when three top executives and one computer guy all quit on the same day.
Hey, board of directors- did you get any messages today that hit home, you slimy, miserable, dishonest motherfuckers?
Have you possibly considered that losing three executives and one computer guy in one day says YOU REALLY SUCK in a most definitive way?

Friday, February 06, 2009

One More Reason to Love These People

Watching this brief clip literally made me cry.
Not only is President Obama raising the level of civility and grace of the presidency, he and Mrs. O are setting the tone for all married couples who want to keep their relationships thriving.
Date nights?
Cocktail parties at the White House?
Can these people get any more hip?
I remember as a child how good it felt when my parents were getting along and showing affection toward one another. It made me feel secure.
The Obamas understand that recreation is part of the word recreate. And when we re-create, we spend energy in a positive, creative way.
So, let's hear it for date night.
Let Grandma babysit the kids, Michelle gets to put on a hot new dress and Mister Slim Barack- well, he's just cool in general.
Y'all go on withcha bad selves. ;)

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Stimulus Plan

Let me break this down for those asshole, obstructionist, nuisance Republicans in the legislature.
You fucked up when your team had the ball, get it?
None of you lily livered, quivering chinned robots said shit when Bush was trying to shove all kinds of bullshit bills down our throats, now did ya?
Now you're lined up like contestants on, "So You Think You've Got Talent" and whinnying like glue factory nags in front of any camera lens you can see.
"It's got pork!" you cry.
"It's going too fast," you whimper.
"It's not got enough tax cuts," you blubber.
Yeah, well, it's Obama's Stimulus Package, and because Bush and Dick and the GOP's last fuck-up ended up with us handing over billions of our tax dollars to banks and insurance companies and other greedy Goliaths who turned around and rat-holed the dough to help themselves get richer.
Here's what Obama's bill could include and I'd still go for it:
-Condoms for elementary school kids
-Tattoo removal for all
-Pies to throw at bailed-out executives who attend any and all fancy retreats
-Clean needles for drug addicts
-Manscaping for hairy guys
-Hybrid weed research and farming incentives
-Free gourmet meals for school kids
-New tires for all Americans
-Cunnilingus lessons for new lesbian recruits
-Free iPod downloads for anyone named Karen
-Free HBO and Showtime at homeless shelters
-Elimination of the IRS; everyone pays 10% of what they make
-Public art on every street corner
-Two percent financing on all new cars and any home purchases
-Free college tuition for all
-Free medical and dental coverage for all
-Pony rides
-Free haircuts

I don't care what Obama thinks will help stimulate the economy. He's smart, we trust him and we dont trust you.
Pass the goddamn bill already and be quiet, Republicans.
Fuckin' chumps.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Tired Old Dick

Dick Cheney rose from the crypt to deliver a doomsday message:
If Obama continues along the path of not being an aggressive bully toward our enemies, we're going to be attacked again.
Dick, Dick, Dick.
Aren't you tired of trying to scare the shit out of people with gibberish like this?
Did you forget that 9/11 happened on Bush's watch because the Saudi-led terrorists knew they could raise hell and Bush wouldn't dare retaliate and defy his bosses who live in the Saudi Palace?
Dick, you presided over the worst president in the worst era of "leadership" in American history.
Do you really think anyone is still listening to your fat mouth?
Fuck you, Dick.
No, really, fuck you.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Zipdrive's New Rule
If they make this face, they cannot serve.

Dare I Say It?

Yes, I dare.
I think Bruce Springsteen is totally overrated.
Even when he released "Born in the USA" I was underwhelmed with him.
Does this make me unAmerican?
I don't care.
He's not the boss of me.

Monday, February 02, 2009

H/t to Dusty, for posting what might be the most hilarious Superbowl ad in the history of mankind.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Ugh. Stuporbowl Sunday

I know many of my lesbo sister wymmin just adore football, but I do not.
And I know today is the high holy day of that sport, but I find the whole ordeal positively annoying.
First off, it is impossible to go to any supermarket without having to deal with Neanderthals in sweats going up the down aisles, loading their carts with beer, chips, dips and mayonaissey things that come in plastic cartons from the refrigerated deli section.
They have no supermarket etiquette. They park their carts diagonally mid-aisle, they bump into things, they grunt and point like Cro-magnons dressed in Walmart couture.
Besides Valentine's Day, when they dash in for a wilted bouquet of afterthought roses for their suffering wives, the men in my neighborhood are as at-home in a grocery store as I am at a transmission shop.
And this year it's even worse because Texas men have to pretend to like the Steelers and/or the Cardinals in order to justify swilling a case of beer and sitting around with their hands down the front of their sweatpants watching their new 60" flat screens.
And though my NFL knowledge is minimal, I do know that Arizona is home to the Cardinals AND John McCain, making me hope they lose by 160-0.
Didja know that domestic violence after the Superbowl rises to meteoric levels? "Yeah, my team lost so I'm gonna have to slap my wife around because it's all her fault." That sorta thing.
I've been invited to a handful of game watching parties, but I'd rather sort socks or iron ruffled linen.
Really, the best thing to do on this horrid day is head to the local mall and enjoy an evening of shopping that's heavy on yin and light on yang.
But in this economy, who has money for recreational shopping?
So I plan instead to hunker down and play a DVD of the chickiest chick flick ever- "The Devil Wears Prada."
I may even make some dainty finger sandwiches or a quiche to go with it. And I might buy a bottle of Chablis- isn't that the girliest wine ever?
Oh wait, I can't buy any groceries today.
It's Man-Day at the local HEB.