Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Survivor Wednesday!

As a public service reminder, Survivor is on tonight not tomorrow night, so be sure to adjust your social schedules accordingly.
Tonight's episode promises to be a hot one!
Seems Christa allegedly sabotaged the food supply and the crew is out for blood! Did she do it? Well, she looks kinda stoopid but I can't say if she's *that* stupid.
Also, my new front-runner fave Sandra goes into mega head bobbling mode as she reams out another cast member. My guess? Jon.
The reward challenge results in some sort of touching gesture. All through this series, people are giving away stuff they won. Phuh. Some pirates these folks make.
The evil villain to watch out for? Burton.
Anyway, with Christa babbling that she wants to go home in the previews, I think she's next to be booted. With arrogant, Barney Fifeian Jon and Moaning Myrtle Lil in the mix, that's some accomplishment.
Who's your pick?

Friday, November 21, 2003

Survivor All Star Nominations

Looks like the Survivor All Star show will debut Feb. 1, right after the Superbowl.
Cast members from past shows will compete, but CBS hasn't yet announced which ones made the cut.

Here are my nominees (and some memory joggers):

The Boys:
Richard Hatch Survivor 1. Every show needs a token conniving gay man, and Richard was the prototype.
Colby Donaldson Survivor 2 Australia. He should have won, he's a good Texas guy and he has those nice, white teeth.
Tom Buchanan Survivor 3 Africa. Wheee doggies! The old pig farmer was very amusing and I want to see him again.
Matthew Von Ertfelda Survivor 4 Amazon. He can be the token weirdo, plus he kicks ass in the challenges.
Ken Stafford Survivor 5 Thailand. The NYPD cop who made my pal Melly melt. Melly, this one's for you.
Roger Sexton Survivor 6 Amazon. This bossy old bastard ought to clash well with the young Alpha dogs on the list.
Rudy Boesch Survivor 1. By now he's so old they can use him as chum, but while he's still alive he'll be good for some crusty old wisecracks.
Rupert! The name says it all.

The Girls:
Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien Survivor 4 Marquesas. I liked this chick. Remember? She was the blonde from Burlington, Vt. Ballsy but kind.
Ghandia Johnson Survivor 5 Thailand. Every show needs a conceited, z-snapping ho who thinks she's hotter than she is. Ghandia is that ho.
Helen Glover Survivor 5 Thailand. We learned to love her after she willed her hubby to eat those icky slugs or whatever they were.
Cwisty Smith Survivor 6 Amazon. Awww. We loved Cwisty. Huh? I said WE LOVED CWISTY!
Tina Wesson Survivor 1. Let's see how slick she is in this tribe of serpents.
Susan Hawk Survivor 1. Truck Driver Bitch!
Jerri Mantley Survivor 2 Australia. Whore!
Elizabeth Filarski Survivor 2 Australia. I want to see the mean girls do things to her.

Have I missed anyone?

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Survivor Thursday

Since the Survivor series seems to favor a boy-girl-boy girl rotation of million dollar winning sole Survivors, I am wondering if this series will have a girl win the whole enchilada? Rumors have indicated that may be the case in this Panama edition.
Before I forget to mention this- has anyone seen the razor ad where Colby (the cowboy who handed the prize to Tina in the Australian Survivor) is the pitchman? He looks sensational and has a naturally relaxed screen presence and delivery style.
It was great to see him earning enough dough to possibly sell that hideous Aztec vehicle he won on the show. I can't see one of those wrecks on the street without cringing, thinking of Colby and his Mama back there sleeping together in the one he won.
Anyway, back to this series...
Sure, Rupert is the hands-down favorite with the viewing public, but we know from experience that merit and deservedness have about as much to do with winning on Survivor as they do in presidential politics.
Problem is, if a girl wins, which girl would deserve it?
We have Christa, Darrah, Lillian, Sandra and Tijuana remaining.
Of the five, Darrah, Lillian and Tijuana are leftovers from the Morgan tribe and therefore bound to be axed by the majority Drake tribe members in the merged Balboa tribe.
Besides, Darrah's accent is as grating as chewing on a ball of aluminum foil, Lillian is a wobbly chinned, hormonally addled sadsack, and Tijuana is sweet but entirely unremarkable in thought, word and deed. That leaves Christa and Sandra, who are about as memorable as that group who sang "Afternoon Delight." We don't know anything about them, they haven't been the least bit interesting on the show and haven't endeared themselves to anyone in the tribe or the viewing public.
Aw hell, let's face it, if Rupert doesn't win, who cares who does?
Charles Darwin should have theorized about the survival of the blandest. Then we might have a clue as to why good things can happen to people who merely show up and eat whatever's put in front of them.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Oy, How Embarrassing (and other tidbits)

The news is filled with recounts of Dubya's State visit to England this week. Even conservative estimates say 100,000 Brits are protesting Bush, his visit to England and the war he talked Prime Minister Tony Blair into joining. No longer mentioning the weapons of mass destruction he claimed were hidden in Iraq that justified the invasion, now Bush is over there making speeches about "democracies protecting the world from chaos."
He seems not to notice that Saddam Hussein and Iraq were about as dormant as Khadaffi and Libya when Bush and his cadre of his daddy's old pals decided Iraq and Saddam were at the epicenter of terrorism against the free world and needed to be destroyed.
And Bush also fails to mention that the war he claimed was a 'mission accomplished' on May 1 has claimed more coalition soldiers' lives after May 1 than during the war itself.
The Iraqis have not greeted coalition forces as liberators, but as conquerors.
The chaos in the Middle East has been exacerbated, America is not a safer place to live, and Bush is an embarrassment to global democracy.

-In other news, Scott Peterson has been bound over for trial for murdering his wife and infant son. Anyone who thinks he's innocent just hasn't been watching Court TV.
-An arrest warrant has been issued for Michael Jackson, who is accused of molesting yet another young boy. The allegations emerged from the kid's therapy sessions. The boy's therapist was following the law by reporting the allegations to authorities. How many times will Jackson get by with diddling little boys before his money and luck run out? For Chrissakes, the guy is obviously a pedophile whose money and talent don't excuse his crimes. Although I question why any parents would allow their kid anywhere near Jackson, the fact remains- if sexual abuse took place, the guy needs to be locked up and kept away from little nippers' zippers.
-As for (I Need a) Rush Limbaugh, authorities are looking into whether he skirted state money-laundering laws in getting the cash to buy illegal drugs. Bank records indicate Limbaugh made 30-40 cash withdrawals from his bank account for just under $10,000 each (just under IRS reporting amounts). If he used the money to obtain illegal drugs, that's called money laundering and it's a first-degree felony in his home state of Florida. It carries up to a 30-year prison sentence. As a guy who's made a career of lambasting drug addicts, why should Rush get a walk?

All these rich guys seem to think money and expensive lawyers put them above the law. The only rich, famous celebrity who seems to be getting in any real legal trouble is Martha Stewart. It's starting to seem like being a bastard is okay, just don't be a bitch or you'll get in trouble.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Public Service Announcement

Dear Readers,

You may be puzzled... Why would Ms. Zipdrive have a blog dated Friday which wasn't there when you looked on Sunday?

The truth is her blog sat in my email all weekend while I was busy doing other things. Not wanting to misrepresent Karen and make it look like she's ignored you since Thursday, I posted the blog with the date and time she sent it to me. (Who the hell is awake and coherent enough to write at 5:30 a.m. anyway? She's superwoman, I tell ya!)

Anyway, this nonsense will stop as soon as "Zippy" gets her computer fixed.


Friday, November 14, 2003

Blogs n' Ends

-Yep. I heard on the news yesterday that tax relief Bush has offered small business owners when they buy enormous SUVs has cost us $1.3 billion in lost tax revenues.
They interviewed a Dallas physician who bought a $90,000 SUV and wrote it off. He drives it to work.
-The U.S. Central Command (400 military bigwigs) is moving from Tampa back to Qatar. Seems the war that Bush declared was over on May 1 is getting so hot again, the military brass have to go back to the Middle East to tell our hapless troops what to do.
-My best friend Anna called and left a long message complaining about Jessica Lynch.
I have to agree. When she was first rescued, word was she didn't remember jack shit. Then she realized there'd be no book or TV movie about a rescued POW with amnesia, so suddenly she became glutted with lurid details. For what it's worth, when her TV movie went head to head with Elizabeth Smart, the Mormon kid who was abducted by a religious wingnut, Elizabeth's TV movie won in the ratings. I skipped both of them.
-I think all this red, white and blue faux patriotism the Bush cult would like to see perpetuated is wearing thin with the public. Bush is running less than 50% favorable in recent polls, less than his one-term father was at the same point in his administration.
It took a while, but even the gullible American public seems to be getting tired of the lies and sidestepping.
-I hear Rush Limbaugh has kicked his narcotic addiction and will be returning to his radio show soon. I wonder if he'll become more reasonable now that he's not all fucked up on dope? Nah, he probably damaged his brain doing all that OxyContin, so he'll still be a babbling nincompoop.
-Poor Walmart. First they get busted for having illegals cleaning their stores, now six of its "sexiest" employees are posing nude in Playboy. Must have been a hard search because I've never seen a hot Walmart employee and don't know anyone who has.
-Isn't it amazing how these All American bastions of wholesome family values (like Limbaugh and Walmart) turn out scummy when some light is shined on them?
-Now Bush is saying our troops will stay in Iraq and Afghanistan until Bin Laden and Hussein are captured. That new excuse should net his buddies who make billions on war plenty of extra jack.
-Anyone laying any bets that either Bin Laden or Hussein will be captured a few weeks before the presidential election next year? Vegas ought to start laying odds. It sounds like a classic Bush move to me.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Survivor Tonight!

Now that two crappy teams (except for Rupert) have merged into one, the players are free to flaunt their true natures. As a public service, I offer the following amateur psychological evaluations of the remaining crew.

-Burton: His innate confidence that comes from being handsome and buff will cancel out the blow to his ego that came from being voted out. Already he has charmed Rupert into forgiving and forgetting how he once humiliated him and gave him fat kid flashbacks.
-Christa: She is like the lettuce in the sandwich, not essential, but sort of nice. She'll hang in a while longer because she isn't a threat to anyone.
-Darrah: She's the tomatoes in that same sandwich. She'll also hang in a while longer.
-Jon: He's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Strategy be damned, he's due to get the ax because he's a loathsome, slimy parasite.
-Lillian: Darwin had her in mind when he theorized about the human species. Next to Jon, she's the most dispensable tribe member. She's way not cool to hang around with.
-RyanO: Everyone likes this Beta male. He's cute, compliant, doesn't dish the dirt and flies under the radar. He'll make the final four.
-Sandra: Her outspoken, spicy personality will be her undoing. Sooner or later she'll piss off someone who has some clout, then it's adios for her.
-Tijuana: She's turned out to be pretty kind hearted and well regarded. She could make the final four.
-Rupert: By far the most deserving contestant the show has ever had. He's fair, tough, funny, resourceful, strong and good. With no strong Alpha male to battle him now that Burton is in his debt, he's the one to win. He'll coast through the next few weeks, but watch for Burton to go after him once the merge dust settles.

Predictions for tonight:
Buh bye Jon, you weasley little prick.
Lil, see ya later.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Out of Steam?

I am in an obvious Blogslump©. It happens to all of us on occasion and there's no remedy for it. Like a common cold, it has to be waited out. Someone needs to start a Blog sprucing-up business where they come in and post witty and amusing things until the Blog owner snaps out of it. Or maybe the pharmaceutical companies can develop Blog-agra, which helps a Blogger get it up to write something. Okay, okay, I'll just mention some random things now to spark some discussion.

-John Kerry is the first of the Democratic candidates to use in his ads footage of Dubya in that cock enhancing jumpsuit on the deck of the aircraft carrier announcing the end of the Iraqi invasion. That footage is the equivalent of Mike Dukakis riding in that tank with the goofy helmet on. Mission accomplished indeed-- for Kerry, that is.
-Attorneys for Catherine Zeta-Jones are sending out warnings to media outlets not to say she's on the Atkins diet or they'll sue. What a nitpicker diva CZJ has become! She may soon be able to quit acting and just make a living by suing people.
-Hustler magazine plans to publish topless photos of Jessica Lynch, thereby extending her 15 minutes of fame to 20 minutes.
-Didn't Rosie O'Donnell used to be lots more cuddly? She needs to spend some time with Ellen, who makes lesbians seem a lot less scary. Rosie is starting to get that surly dominatrix butch aura, and that scares even us career lesbos!
-Does anyone actually care if Prince Charles buggered his male valet? I mean, come on, after we found out he was shtupping Camilla instead of Diana, did anyone doubt that he's not picky about who gets to ride the Royal Pony?
Talk amongst yourselves...

Saturday, November 08, 2003

Things I Hate

Maybe 'hate' is too strong a word, but I hate it when people say I shouldn't allow myself to hate anything or anyone. Anyway...

-I hate those grocery store bakery cakes with the air brushed blue flowers and that bad icing penmanship on top.
-I hate grape soda.
-I hate finding my long-lost favorite summer T-shirt in January, hidden under a pile of sweaters.
-I hate Hackberry trees.
-I hate any statement that begins with the words, "The Bible says..."
-I hate people who try to talk double-talk or lie and aren't very good at it.
-I hate it when people print something and mix upper case with lower case letters all willy-nilly (LiKe tHis, oNLy iT's HaNd pRiNTed).
-I hate it when white guys call black guys, "my man."
-I hate it when I meet gay men or lesbians who hate the opposite sex.
-I hate that 'izzle' slang: "My bizzle was mizzle wit da snizzle." What the fuck is that, anyway?
-I hate mothballs.
-I hate Kraft Miracle Whip.
-I hate Fox News.
-I hate channel surfing, remote control addicts who like to spend a half hour flipping channels. Pick something, damn it.
-I hate science fiction.
-I hate alliterations when a "K" replaces a "C," as in Kathy's Kookies, Kozy Kitchen, Krazy Kolors, Kitty Kapers, ad nauseam.
-I hate it when someone wants a freebie job and tells me, "it'll be good in your portfolio." At my age, my portfolios are pretty well stocked by now, assbite.
-I hate it when religious people use sanitized cursing, like, "gosh darn" or "H-E-double hockey sticks."
-I hate corny phrases like, "oh, my goodness," "golly gee," "aw shucks," "Heavens to Betsy," etc.
-I hate Anne Heche. Even when she was pretending to be gay I hated her.
-I hate the L.A. Lakers. Even more now that Kobe's an admitted rat and Karl Malone the elbowing flopper and that malcontent crybaby Gary Payton have joined the team. All they need is Danny Bonaduce on the team to get into the all-star obnoxious prick finals.
-I hate it when people stick their index finger in their cheek where a dimple would go, then twist their finger to indicate false modesty.
-Speaking of that move, I hate Lea Thompson, especially when she bites her bottom lip to look coy, or even worse, sexy.
-I hate that song, "Funny Face" by Donna Fargo.
-I hate when my shoes or socks get damp or even worse, wet.
-I hate the way whey protein tastes. It reminds me of powdered meat.
-I hate that doing 80 ab crunches can be canceled out by eating one peanut butter cracker.
-I hate it when people (besides my closest friends or girlfriend) pop in without calling.
-I hate cell phones.
-I hate the way thrift stores that sell used clothing smell.
-I hate the thought of wearing or even trying on some total stranger's used clothing.
-I hate any cologne that can be purchased at a drug store or supermarket.
-I hate candles, soap, or any product that has either a rose scent or a peach scent.
-I hate those tacky plug-in air fresheners.
-I hate those giant tins of stale popcorn they sell at places like Walmart, with the poinsettias or reindeer or Santas painted on them.
-I hate whirly gigs, those flimsy, twirly things people stick in their lawns.
-I hate 95% of all bumper strikers.
-I hate that decorative wallpaper trim people use where the wall meets the ceiling.
-I hate those redecorating-on-a-budget TV shows where they make really cheesy projects, like bookcases out of 1x12's and architectural glass bricks, or they cover things using a glue gun, cotton batting and shiny quilted fabric. Or mix the colors pink and brown.
-I hate Earl Grey tea.
-I hate when someone's dog smells my kitties on me and thinks it's okay to climb all over me, sniffing and trying to lick the scent off.
-I hate it when friends kiss me on the lips and they have damp lips. Lip kisses should be rare, fast, dry and chaste unless it's one's lover.
-I hate it when people in the gym don't remove their 150 pounds of weights off the barbells when they are finished...or when I accidentally come in contact with some rude bastard's sweat on a piece of equipment.
-I hate it when I get into a swelteringly hot car on a humid day, then start having a hot flash, just after getting a haircut.
-I hate it when I buy my cats a $10 toy and they ignore it in favor of a stray bit of cellophane the toy was wrapped in.
-I hate the thought of jerky made from anything but beef.
-I hate to see fly swatters or toilet plungers in plain view. They need to be hidden when not in use!

What do you hate?

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Survivor Guesses

Just in time for Halloween, in the last episode six booted ghosts returned to the mix, making up the Outcast tribe.
The outcasts included Burton the hunky San Francisco treat, Lillian the old geezer scout mistress, Michelle the woman who gives SpaceMonk a rise in his Levis, Nicole who nobody remembers, Ryan S. the skinny speedfreak, and Trish who Rupert would probably like to kill and eat for protein.
The Outcasts whipped Drake and Morgan's asses in the immunity challenge, making for the elimination of Trish and Ostin. Both were tedious lumps.
Tonight the Outcasts get to vote two members back into the game.
Burton is a natural to return to Drake. He's too purty to be left out.
Morgan deserves to get Lillian back. Just her wobbly chin when she pouts and her soiled, mildewed scout uniform are reasons enough.
Your bets?

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

All Over the Map!

My morning e-mail has actually produced enough crap to Blog about, so here goes...

*From the Daily Mislead:
"President Bush toured a manufacturing plant in Alabama Monday, touting the success of his tax cut policies. "I went to the Congress, not once, but twice, and said, in order for people to be able to find work here in the country, let's pass meaningful, real tax relief." But the President's policies have thus far not resulted in jobs-since his first tax cut passed in 2001, the economy has lost a net of 2.75 million jobs..."

*CBS decided to scrap its controversial miniseries about the Reagans. Seems the same network that scrapped the "60 Minutes" piece about the tobacco industry has again caved in to pressure, this time to the paranoid right wing. Maybe I can sum it up. The miniseries must have mentioned Reagan knocking up Nancy before they married and his criminal involvement in Iran Contra. The good news is, Showtime bought the rights to the series and will be showing it early next year. CBS must stand for "Conservative Bull Shit."

* Rosie O'Donnell's Broadway play, "Taboo," starring Boy George is said to be a real loser. That's too bad. I fail to see how a queer-produced play starring a queer can fail in New York.

* Al Sharpton will be on Saturday Night Live on Dec. 6. I still like him better than Bush.

* Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the cute little blonde from a past Survivor run, is trying out to be the fifth co-host of "The View."