Thursday, February 28, 2008

Oh, No We Can't

We haven't come a long way and we aren't babies.
Think it over.
We can all safely assume John McCain will select a white male as his VP.
Nobody will make a peep about his lack of diversity, in fact, people would be shocked if he didn't choose another male WASP as a running mate.
But can you imagine what people would say if Hillary chose another white woman or Obama chose a Black man as their running mates?
Political suicide.
Massive freak out.
Yep, as long as we recognize that white men still rule America, and that it's only with their permission that we are allowed to consider a woman or a man of color for president, we'll be able to keep what remains of our sanity and not have to waste time fretting over the status quo.
Ahh yes, the fucked-up, never ending status quo.
Rest in Peace, MoFo

When I was a little kid, I used to watch a news talk show called "Firing Line."
William F. Buckley was the host, and though I didn't have the political savvy at age 8to know conservatives from liberals, I did know Buckley was erudite, intelligent and he sounded real fancy.
His clipped accent sounded sort of Kennedyish to my little ears, so I figured he was worth a listen.
But then I'd see him arguing with people I liked, and I figured out something was wrong with him.
Little did I know then that Buckley would become the patriarch to a nation of right wing, fear mongering, greedy, fascist Republicans.
Yes, he started this and now he's dead.
One down.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Gee, Look at the Communists!

I'm really peeved about an item I read in today's news.
It seems someone sent out an e-mail with a photo in it of Sen. Obama wearing the native dress of Kenya when he visited there in 2006 as a senator.
Matt Drudge posted it, alleging it originated from Camp Hillary.
Though I wouldn't entirely dismiss the charge offhand, I don't think Hillary or her aides would be ignorant or intolerant enough to make Obama's costume an issue.
In an era when Bush has destroyed so much of America's global goodwill, I think any legislator who visits another nation on our behalf should consider paying respects by wearing traditional garb, even if only for a brief photo op.
I have teased about Obama and his followers, but I'll defend him to the end when he's being singled out for cheap shots like this.

If Hillary was behind this, she deserves to lose. It's dirty, xenophobic politics at its worst. But it smells more to me like a GOP trick, and Matt Drudge is an admitted Republican.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Oh, Give Me a Fuckin' Break

It seems doddering consumer advocate Ralph Nader has thrown his moth-eaten hat in the ring again. He announced he's running as an independent candidate for president.
Remember the Chevrolet Corvair from the 60's?
Nader made his bones back then, when he exposed the car as a deathtrap.
That was his greatest hit, and he's been cashing in on it for more than 40 years now.
Whatever happened to people retiring after age 65?
Why do these septegenarians like Nader and McCain think they have to die in the saddle?
Nader thinks he can waltz in late, win the election, then convince the legislative suits in Washington DC to fall in line behind him like he's some kind of loony Pied Piper.
He's done this before, and some say he siphoned off hundreds of votes from Al Gore.
This time, who's going to vote for him? Obama fans love their Messiah, Hillary fans want their bitch and McCain fans love their old warhorse.
Nader's latest decision has convinced me he's finally jumped the shark.
There's a place for outmoded celebrities who insist on hanging on regardless of how much it shatters their dignity. It's called the Home Shopping Network.
Oh, Fer Chrissakes

Last night on Saturday Night Live, cast member Fred Arneson created a really funny impersonation of Barack Obama.
In the skit, he used Obama's staccato style of oration and his slightly jerky movements while talking to CNN-style reporters.
Between remarks, the camera would pan to the reporters who were swooning in rapture and raving about Obama's general brilliance.
It was pretty funny to see that I'm not the only one who's noticed the media sucking up to Obama like he's the second coming of Christ.
At the end of the show, guest host Tina Fey said something about it not being too late to still vote for Hillary in the Texas and Ohio primaries.
This morning on my daily blog reading rounds, I came upon a piece about last night's SNL show on the Huffington Post. The piece discussed Fred Arneson creating the Obama character for the show.
The comments were hilariously pissy.
I have decided that Obama's youthful fans are exactly like Clay Aiken's Claymates. They defend him and fight anyone who offers even mild criticism. They may not know much, but they are 100 percent certain that their idol is perfectly perfect.
I'm not talking about Obama fans who understand politics and find him appealing, so don't anyone get their mature panties in a wad.
I'm talking about the under-30 set who have looked up from their Guitar Hero and text messaging long enough to discover politics for the first time.
These tykes don't know why they support Obama, they just know that if anyone is cool enough to catch their very cool attention, he must be something totally, like, special, ya know?
They seem to think anyone who supports Hillary is (choose as many as you like) old, elite, rich, ignorant, fucked-up, out of it, ultra conservative, racist, fundamentalist Christian, right-wing, passe, geriatric, Bush-loving, insane, retarded, comatose, warmongering, lobby-loving, irrelevant, loser.
They did not hesitate to excoriate anyone who did not share their ardor for their candidate.
I usually don't fight back in the comments section when it comes to debating the virtues of two perfectly good candidates, but a few of these damp behind the ears whippersnappers needed a good old fashioned ass kicking, so I obliged.

For me, in a sense Obama is like Jesus.
I have no problem with him, but more than a few of his followers take things too far and make assumptions that anyone who has failed to see The Light is somehow morally and intellectually deficient.
I dare say, these same young zealots could not identify George McGovern, define what the letters ERA stand for, understand what the initial conflict was about in Vietnam, identify Bella Abzug or Barbara Jordan in photos, or discuss the Watergate scandal with any degree of detail.
Political ignorance, when combined with youthful idolatry and political gullibility, make for very poor spokespeople for any candidate.
Obama is a good candidate. Hillary is a good candidate. I will support either.
But, I must repeat: Unless these silly Claymates plan to vote for McCain if their American Idol fails to get the Democratic nomination, they'd serve Obama a lot better if they shut the fuck up, listened more and learned something.

Friday, February 22, 2008

What's for Dinner?

I love to cook, but I really have to be in the mood before I knock myself out.
Tomorrow night I have a lady friend coming over to meet Baby Jake and break bread with me.
She's a very health-conscious eater, so I had to wrack my brain to find sensational food profiles without too much richness or too many calories.
Tell me what you think of the menu and see if I should add anything:
-Roasted chicken breasts Moroccan style, with preserved Meyer lemons and garlicky green olives
-Quinoa salad, served cold with green and red onions, parsley, toasted pine nuts and tiny grape tomatoes in a rice wine vinaigrette
-Fresh cherry crisp with organic oatmeal crumble
-Pinot Noir

Okay, the cherry crisp has a bit of butter and brown sugar in it, but my guest is crazy for cherries and she'll eat them in a gasoline sauce as long as cherries are involved.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Zipdrive's Political Rundown

It's high time I stop publishing adorable kitten pictures and get back to what I used to do: political snark.
So here is my rundown on the candidates we have remaining.

John McCain
It's really too bad America's sub-par educational system has produced so many IQs swimming in the shallow end of the pool. The NASCAR watching, gun owning, Jesus- loving set fell for the central casting-inspired Bush 43, and they are poised to vote for McCain and continue the madness.
Recently, some charges have been leveled at McCain, claiming he was sexually involved with a female lobbyist. While I thought it was refreshing that GOP McCain was not caught diddling an under-age boy, I was not surprised when I read about the lobbyist. McCain in his early adulthood was a handsome Navy pilot. At only 5'7", the little man was probably an avid cocksmith. With Viagra so plentiful and his trophy wife high on Percoset, is it any wonder he might screw around?
All that aside, his 100-year war statement and his new endorsement of waterboarding makes him Bush with a brain. No, thanks.
Barack Obama
He's a little like Jesus, in that I like him, but his followers get too carried away in their youthful exhuberance for my taste.
I think TX State Rep. Kirk Watson summed it up the other night when he was on a talk show speaking about his support for Obama.
When Tim Russert asked him what he considered Obama's major accomplishments in the Senate, Watson went silent and the sound of chirping crickets filled the air.
I'll vote for Obama if he wins, but I'd vote for any Democrat over any Republican.
I still don't think Obama represents me as a middle-aged, white lesbian, but at least he won't come after me like the Bush crowd did.
I think he'd be a great new face for America, but I worry about him being assassinated. With all the guns and all the nuts on the right, he's a sitting duck.
And all his Kumbaya- Blowin' in the Wind-style speeches may have caught my fancy back in the 70's, but I'm a little too mature to be taken in by flowery words-especially borrowed ones.
To think he's above lobbyist influence and huge corporate donations is naive at best and gullible at worst. Give it a rest, Gen X'ers. Vote for him if you want, but don't fool yourself that he's somehow above it all. He's not.
Hillary Clinton
When I attended the public memorial for the late Ann Richards, I was pleased to see Hillary sitting in the semi-circle on stage as a guest eulogist.
I was glad she was there to show her respects, but her habit of dropping the "g's" on words ending in "ing" was disconcerting. Clearly, she was pandering to a Texas audience and her attempt to sound Texassy was way off the fuckin' mark.
I wish I could say I'd love to have a beer with her, but I have a feeling we wouldn't mesh well as pals.
But as a candidate, I adore her.
She entered the Senate with obviously higher aspirations, yet she was said to be humble and hardworking as a newbie. She sought out the counsel of senior ranking Senators on both sides of the aisle, and even Sen. John McCain has said he likes her very much.
As a woman, she's had to hawk it up to appeal to misogynists who think a woman over 60 might one day start her period and push the red button.
It's unfortunate that she's had to pretend she was for Bush's invasion of Iraq, and even worse that she's refused to admit she made a huge mistake in believing the bogus reports BushCo provided the Senate to justify the invasion.
But she doesn't have that luxury, because she's a woman who has to seem tough on terror to appease the flag wavers among us.
With a Black man and a white woman in the race, I've been astounded to learn that America is far less racist and far more misogynistic than I thought it was.
These GenX Obama fans, especially the women, were born post Roe-v-Wade, post-Stonewall, post-Selma and post-everything women like Hillary, my sisters and me fought like hell in the streets for back in the 60's and 70's.
They don't see the wonder of electing a feminist president because they don't even remember that America failed to ratify the ERA. They don't even know what ERA stands for.
And yes, Hillary's probably a bitch. So? So am I.
Like that bastard Nixon, Hillary's inherent bitch persona would serve us well in global politics. Nobody should doubt that she would protect us with the ferocity of a Mama Lion.
America was far more prosperous and peaceful during the Bill Clinton era. By association, I believe Hillary stands for the same economic and diplomatic principles Bill had as president.
Obama is an unproven commodity. He gives thrilling speeches, but what else has he got? Inspiration is great, but is it enough?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Hey, You, Get Offa My Foot

Last night Baby Jake went on a relentless attack against my 3-year-old cat Nick.
When I'd break it up, he'd go after my foot. When I'd shake him off my foot, he'd go back to attacking Nick.
It went on for hours.
Nick got extra wet food this morning for not maiming (or killing) Jake last night.
This crazy stage is similar to the terrible twos human babies go through, so I'm told.
Jake is no longer the soft, malliable infant I once had. He's a maniac. This stage lasts at least 10 more months. What have I done??
Egads! Cest Moi?

I learned with some regret on Sunday that my beloved siblings think the addition of a third cat has turned me into "one of them." Yes, I've been branded just one more single lesbian over 50 with too many cats, aka,a crazy cat lady.
Just because that one time they dropped in and the litter box needed a bit of freshening up, their suspicions began.
Now with the addition of Baby Jake, I am forever doomed by my family with the unfortunate characterization.
Even my cousin, upon hearing of my new addition, asked if I planned to keep adding cats to my menagerie like her crazy sister did.
"No, three's the limit."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
It's that "hmm" that told me she thinks I'm already too far gone to believe.
And yes, I do plan to add more photos of baby Jake in action after I post this.
But after he's bigger, I have no further plans to feature him prominently on my blog.
Nope. After he's bigger, I plan to get him his own blog and write in adorable "kitty talk" dialect.
Just kidding.
I hate that kind of shit.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

From Tiny Infant to Insane Hellraiser in a Week

Releasing Baby Jake from his bedroom confinement has been a blessing and a curse.
He's learned to eat peacefully alongside his brothers James and Nick, but when he's not eating or sleeping the trouble begins.
James, at age 7, has very little interest in roughhousing with a kitten. He merely stares, then walks away when he spots Jake crouching down ready to pounce.
Poor Nick, however, has yet to develop the same blase disinterest in the baby.
With his enormously bushy tail, plushy fur and broad back, Nick is the ideal target for the little maniac.
He jumps up and wraps his arms around Nick's neck. Nick pushes him off.
Nick raises a paw to deflect Jake's attacks, Jake bites his paw.
When Nick starts to growl and bear his teeth at little Jakie, he looks up and sees my look of consternation, sighs and moves on, with Jake in hot pursuit.
The baby is a speed demon. He gallops all over the house like a tiny Clydesdale, delighted with the noise he makes on the floor over the house's pier and beam foundation. He's developing some serious leg muscles from all that running--ideal for batting Nick in the face whenever the occasion presents itself.
He's no longer a cuddly ball of fluff at bedtime. Now he's a breakdancer and acrobat in my bed, pouncing whenever I move even a tiny bit.
But one thing will never change. His fat little cheeks are downy soft and I can't resist touching them. He's a little doll.

Friday, February 15, 2008

While Princess Sparkle Pony is on Vacation...

I thought Condi Rice would read his blog and figure she should go on vacation, too.
She purchased this ensemble from the Halliburton company store.
Her vacation spot is the beach at El Segundo, California, where she's able to romp the tar-stained sands in the shadows of oil rigs. The privacy! The sexy aroma of crude oil and salty ocean breezes!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day Haiku

It's Valentine's Day, and since I don't actually have a Valentine, I offer these haiku as a gift to all of you.

Saint Valentine's Day
A day of commercial bliss
Hallmark loves you, babe

It's Valentine's Day
A day we celebrate love
Then fuck like bunnies

I'm alone today
But I look at it this way:
Don't have to shave legs

Still alone tonight
But I look at it this way:
Don't have to change sheets

To all my exes
On this special, loving day
No choc'late for you!

My Valentine is
A fuzzy kitten named Jake
He's cuter than girls

Expensive dinner
A dozen red roses, too
Can you say "cha-ching"?

Some women think that
This day is all about them
Ha! Halloween is.

Nice to be single
On this oh so special day
No need to trim bush.

Have a good one, all of you. Tell us what you've planned.
Damn You, Princess Sparkle Pony!

My pal Peteykins over at Princess Sparkle Pony (listed to the right) has announced that he has the nerve to be going on vacation until Tuesday.
I read his blog about six times a day, in hopes that he's updated his hilarious site.
His claim to fame is talking about and depicting Condaleezza Rice in a variety of hilarious pictures and scenarios. There's a lot more than that, though.
If you haven't checked out his site, make a pot of coffee and clear about four hours to go though it. Wear panty liners or Depends, because you'll pee your pants laughing.
I hope his vacation is wonderful, considering how many broken hearts his absence from the Interneck will cause.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My Name is Baby Jake and I Own This House

These photos are way out of order because I am distracted. At the moment, Baby Jake is trying to climb my bare legs so he can help me write this entry. He can't spell but he loves to mash on the keys with his sturdy baby paws.
James and Nick have had it.
They are so tired of Jake charging at them, eating their food, racing by their shocked faces and otherwise upsetting their cozy applecarts, now they just lay there glaring at him and offering bored hisses and an ocassional half-hearted paw swipe as he blurs by.
Jake now has free reign of the house. He has learned to bust open my bedroom door, where last night he jumped on my bed and took James's customary spot in the crook of my right arm.
I can' believe I ever worried about the Big Boys not welcoming him into the household. Baby Jake is the baddest Alpha Dog ever. He couldn't care less about what the boys think.
This morning I fed the boys their wet food, then went to Jake's bowl in the bedroom and filled it. Jake ate his food in three big gulps, then he raced into the kitchen and pushed Nick out of the way so he could eat his food. And Nick left without incident!
Finally last night at around 11:30 I got to see Jake fall asleep. I welcomed it like someone might welcome the end of a hurricane.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Crazy Baby Jake!

Sorry, no new photos of the kitten today. It's too hard to focus on a little buff-colored blur.
After a long weekend of being isolated in a closed bedroom, Jake can no longer be contained. Whenever I'd open the door he'd escape, undaunted by the presence of a 16-pounder (Nick) hissing at him as he raced by.
So now he's loose, exploring my office and paying no heed to Nick's low growls and half hearted attempts to sniff his tiny ass.
My office is adjacent to the kitchen. James is at one end and Nick is at the other. Baby Jake is taunting them both, sticking his paws in their water dish and trying to eat chunks of Big Boy kibble right in their faces. They are both puffed up and staring intently but neither are being aggressive.
I think I'll start letting Jake explore the house in 15 minute, supervised chunks. That way, the Big Boys can get used to him without scaring the hell out of him when he wanders too close.
I just took him back to his room. He seemed slightly relieved.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

All the Hubbub About Amy Winehouse

After tonight's Grammys, anyone who watched Amy Winehouse's two-song set broadcasted by satellite from London will understand why she cleared the table in every category for which she was nominated, and why she's in the news daily.
Big Sis and I were frying the lines between San Antonio and Austin after we heard her sing, then again after she won Song of the Year and gave her quirky, brilliant and humble thanks.
Such amazing talent! I think she's attractive in a totally unconventional, tragic, exciting, dangerous way. She made me scare myself a little.
Her smouldering eyes reminded me why I went on a Jewish girl kick a few years back.
But most of all, she showed the world she can sing the hell out of a song.
I haven't been as excited about seeing a live performance since Ed Sullivan booked the Beatles and Annie Lennox wore Mousekateer ears on SNL.
Did you see it?
What did you think?
Was she what you expected?

-Amazed in San Antonio

Saturday, February 09, 2008

A Slight Fly in the Ointment

Baby Jake is home but my boys James(l) and Nick(r) aren't thrilled.
Funny thing, when I brought Baby James into the household seven years ago, he was greeted by my older cat Bart, who welcomed him with great affection and gentility.
One day, my aged, ailing Bart ran off, presumably to die in dignity.
James was only 3-years-old and he pined for Bart so much I decided to get him a new companion. Enter Baby Nick, who was the furriest little daredevil maniac kitten ever.
They were fast friends.
Fastidious James, a gentle 16-pounder, would pin messy baby Nicky down and lick him all over until he was clean and damp. Baby Nick learned to repay the favor.
Now that Nick is 3-years-old, he's also at the 16 pound mark. He and James play together lovingly.
Having already reared three polite, kindly male kitties, I figured the addition of Baby Jake would be a breeze.
I figured wrong.
It seems Nick does not like suddenly being the middle child. He was puffed up and pouting all day yesterday. He hissed so much when he saw me holding Baby Jake, I had to put Jake back in the bathroom and rush to Nick's side to comfort him. Ha! Nick hasn't been this angry and hurt since I gave him that haircut last summer. He was inconsolable, and could barely wolf down the canned Iams chicken I gave him.
I figured James, being a mature 7-year-old, would react more kindly to Baby Jake.
I figured wrong.
I can count on one hand the times James has puffed up and hissed at anything. Three of those fingers occurred yesterday--once when he saw me holding Baby Jake, twice when he discovered me playing with Baby Jake in bed and thrice when I'd put Jakie back in the bathroom and sought out James to console him.
Meanwhile, little Jake is still so babyish, he didn't bat an eyelash at the big boys' reaction.
But he did puff up when he saw himself this morning in a full length mirror.
Oh, well. What I plan to do is stay cool and wait for nature to take its course, knowing that my cats are curious enough to eventually want to smell the baby and maybe take a lick or two of his little kitten fuzz.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Baby's Coming Home Today!

Yep, now that he's an active and thriving little maniac, it's time for me to bring Baby Jake home to meet his big brothers James and Nick.
He's getting big and muscular, but his disposition is still sweet and calm.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

More Reasons to Choose the Woman

If Hillary is elected, somehow I doubt she'll agree to wear a burka if she decides to visit Bush's owners in Saudi Arabia. Same goes for Afghanistan. Someone has to stand up to these sexist bastards, and I believe Hillary will do that, not to mention inspiring women all over the world that they too can succeed in a man's world.
As long as there still are women all over the world forced to undergo clitorodotomies, I think a female American president will care more about it and do something about it more likely than a male president would.
If Hillary is elected, I think she and Bill will continue to support the Human Rights Campaign, and attend their events as they have in the past.
Unlike Obama, Camp Clinton did not invite an ex-gay prosthelitizer onto the campaign bus, nor did they have to suddenly add a genuine gay man to the bus after they caught hell over it.
Hillary does not belong to a church that condemns gay people from the pulpit, but Obama does.
As long as controlling men try to overturn Roe v. Wade and impose on a woman's right to choose, we need a woman in office who has never faultered in her support.
While America definitely needs change from the standard White Anglo Saxon Protestant Male in the Whitehouse, but I'm not sure a Black man understands women, queers, female oppression or pregnancy issues like a woman does.
Blacks have indeed endured endless discrimination in America, but I think it's safe to say women have faced the same discrimination in other ways.
As a woman, I'm going with my own kind.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

I Think I Get It Now

I've been noticing how several big city newspapers are choosing Hillary or Obama to endorse, and while I have no problem with Obama's endorsements, I am happier that Hillary is getting her share.
I keep hearing the pundits say that middle aged white women are going for Hillary, and it dawned on me-
I am one of those middle aged white women they're talking about.
How can I think and feel like I'm so much younger than 54? Fifty-four sounds really old to me, and I'm living in here!
As an early devotee of feminism, I recall marching for equal rights back in the days when I was so young I didn't need a bra, much less wear one.
My participation with women's rights preceded my involvement with gay rights and minority rights. I marched in all their protests, as well as several Vietnam protests back in the 70's.
After all, I was a woman before I was anything else.
So yes, I can overlook Hillary's unfortunate fuck-ups in occasionally voting for the wrong things in the Senate. Anyone who expects one politician to have a perfect voting record is naive.
When I was 12, I thought LBJ was a hick who helped kill John F. Kennedy and that Goldwater was kind of cool. My daddy liked Goldwater and I thought that was enough.
Then my mother sat me down and explained to me that my daddy was a Republican because he came from poor California white trash, and that her side of the family was always behind the Democrats.
Her baby brother owned a restaurant in California where he held fundraisers for both JFK and Bobby Kennedy.
Obama is a fine young candidate. He is energizing the Gen X and Y and Z kids and that's great.
But he ain't a woman and he doesn't know what it's like to be a woman.
He never fought for the ERA, marched for pro-choice or did anything I know regarding women's rights. I could be wrong- please enlighten me if I am.
But for now, I'm sticking with Hillary because I can relate better to her.