Sunday, December 25, 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas With a Parisian Jew

What better way for a lapsed Christian left-wing liberal lesbian to spend Christmas than with a Parisian Socialist Jew?
We met online about 12 years ago and met in person last year in Paris at the Ritz Hemingway bar. What an auspicious place to meet!
Because Hanukkah is hitting in two days and I'm picking her up at the airport tonight, we'll be doing the thing with the menorah, candles and the Baruch Hanukkah Schmonikka prayers. I like the idea of it, but she'll also be celebrating Christmas with me and my family.
If I don't post again, may all your holidays be sweet, and like Edith Piaf said, have no regrets.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Our Next President?

You gotta be kiddin' me.

Hats off to Tengrain for the photo

Saturday, October 01, 2011

That's More Like It, Obama
I've been very critical of the president for his apparent lack of enthusiasm in creating equal opportunities and the same freedom for gay American taxpayers as straight American taxpayers are able to take for granted.
I was interested in hearing the speech he made to Washington D.C. Human Rights Campaign members at their annual gala. My expectations were low, but I am pleased to say his speech set the right tone and contained enough substance to make me reconsider my assessment of his stance on gay rights.
Watch this and tell me what you thought of it.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Hear Me Now and Believe Me Later

Rick Perry will soon be exposed as the whoremongering, coke using, bisexual phony he is. You heard it here first.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Oh No!
Aren't There Already Too Many Republicans in the Closet?

Ordinarily, it would be great to have so many gay men in politics. Think of all the long-overdue gay rights legislation they could introduce and pass into law.
But not this crowd of sneaky Nancy Boys.
When living life on the down-low, the guilt and self-loathing must be hard on a queen.
Having to express your love to someone in an airport bathroom stall, under some one's desk, or even in the bedroom of a governor's mansion, has to be hard on a guy, and I don't mean hard in a good way.
Poor Marcus Bachmann has to pretend he's madly in love with his shrewish beard/wife Michele, all the while sneaking peeks at the creased and faded photo of Johnny Depp he keeps hidden in his wallet. He even had to make up an excuse to socialize with hunky gay men by posing as a therapist who turns gay men straight.
So sad, really.
And I feel so sorry for Larry Craig as well, trying to find love in a Minneapolis airport stall, when all he can see is the guy's shoes and whatever he's poking through the glory hole.
Then there's Lindsey-poo Graham, who has had to hide his adoration for his studly war hero John McCain because people just don't understand a man's manly love for a conquering gladiator.
Then there's king-maker Karl Rove, who launched the careers of studly George W. Bush and dashingly handsome Rick Perry.
When Rove met Bush for the first time, he said, "George's father had sent me to the airport to pick him up, and there he emerged, looking fabulous in a worn, brown leather bomber jacket, with Wranglers so tight you could see where he kept his chewing tobacco, and great looking cowboy boots--the kind a rodeo star would be proud to own. Yes, I could barely keep from swooning when I first laid eyes on him..."
But then he was also impressed with Rick Perry.
"I met Mister Rick back when he was a low-level politician, and God forbid a Democrat. I asked him if he needed a back-rub because he looked so tense. He said yes, then slowly peeled off his pearl-snap cowboy shirt and tossed me a bottle of creamy lotion.
As I kneaded the panther-like muscles in his back, he moaned deeply. I whispered to him, 'Rick, do you know the secret initiation ritual we use to welcome Republicans into the party?' When he shook his mane of silken locks, I rolled him over on his back and slowly filled my mouth with lotion and made my way down to his manly decision making spot..."
Yes, poor Karl has had to make do with advising the men he loves, when all he ever really wanted to do was love them, mano a mano.
And Rick Perry might be the saddest story of them all.
When he met his one true love Geoffrey Connor, he was only too happy to honor him with political appointments--assistant secretary of state, secretary of state, then when he was almost on the verge of promoting him to Lieutenant Governor of Texas, in walks his wife Anita as they were caucusing and she caused a scene.
She screamed, "Rick, goddamn it, have I caught you caucusing AGAIN?"
Frightened, Geoffrey ran away and out of Rick's life that day, and poor Rick has had a sour face and bad disposition ever since.
Guys, I have a word for you about living in closets.
They are only for clothes, fabulous shoes and accessories, not for guys like you who look like you've just stepped off the stages of Paris fashion shows.
Trust me, your teabagger and Christian fundamentalist voters and contributors will understand if you just tell them who you really are.
They will liken you to heroes in history, who glorified their love for mankind by loving as many kinds of men as there are.
You're safe, guys.
The world loves you.
Come on out, there's dancing and music, and a rainbow of guys just waiting to meet you and run their huge American flags up your poles.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Michele Bachmann's Secret Diary

Dear Diary,

Yeppers, I won the straw pole in Iowa, which means I am a seriously serious candidate for the Ovel Office!! Marcus was so proud, he actually made me a precious "straw" hat with American flags all over it! He's so talented with arts and crafts n' such. He calls it my "straw pole hat." LOL he's such a hoot!
Oh, and I heard thru the grapevine that Sarah Palin hates my guts. Jealous much?
I think voters prefer midwest casserole to moose stew any old day!
And thank the Lord Jesus that none of my daughters are harlots like those Palin girls. Thanks to myself and Marcus, my girls have always been poised, well groomed and ladylike because he sets a great example for them and me too.
Also too, I think Sarah Palin is a Pentacostal and that style of "Christianess" involves snake handling, speaking in tongues and basically going crazy in church.
If she throws her hat in the ring, I plan to mention all that Pentacostal crazyness at every opportunity.
Campaigning has been rough, I gotta be honest.
The liberal media and pundints keep asking me ridiculous questions about stuff you'd have to be President to even know about!! But I hold my own, and if all else fails I dazzle them with what Marcus calls my "million dollar smile."
I know it'd be totally cool to be President, but I think it's so darn cute when Marcus keeps talking about all the fantastic outfits he plans to wear to all those fancy inagural balls.
He's already picked out some beautiful Pierre Cardin dancing shoes--they are black patend leather with slightly elevated heels. He has such great taste in clothes and shoes and such! He's even been picking out my campaign outfits and shoes to wear on the campaign trial. Such a helpful husband is rare!
My GOP competition is pretty darned stiff. Mitt Romney looks presidential, Ron Paul is an actual doctor, so he's super smart, and now Rick Perry is in the race. I'm not too crazy about Rick but Marcus thinks he looks like a movie star, so he'll be hard to beat.
Luckily for me, the tea party loves me and so do the Christians. America so needs a good Christian President, instead of a certain Muslim from Kenya who's name I won't mention. No way will that certain person be re-elected cuz he's...well lets just say the "black experiment" didn't pan out to well.
I havent really drawn out my Presidential platform yet, but I have some wonderful educational suprises for America if I get elected.
Prayer will be back in classrooms, science teachers will not mention the word "evolution" except to joke about it, spanking or paddling will come back so children will learn there place in society and be more politer, girls will wear skirts and boys will wear ties and get proper haircuts. No more hippy nonsense!!
In my humble Christian opinion, the only male who wore his hair long was Jesus Christ Our Savior, and, it should of stopped with him.
I think Marcus will be a fantastic First Man if I get elected. He's so fabulous with people and such a sweet, well-mannered gentleman. Just between you and me, diary, he's so considerate he understands the stress of the campaign so he never bothers me for s-e-x anymore.
Besides, theres alot more to marriage than just s-e-x. We agree that our spiritual bond is our secret weapon for a happy marriage--not lust or passion or any of that dirty stuff that messes up so many couples. Marcus has never even looked at another woman with lust in his heart--he told me so himself.
And beleive me, alot of women have flirted with him cuz he's so handsome and charming, but he tells me I'm the only woman he might ever want.
So many politician men are so nasty with all the s-e-x scandles--horrible deeds with harlots, silly young women and even homo males!! It's an abomination and it will cease when I become President!!
What America needs is Good Christian Values, prayer, more churches and federal support for Christian churches and schools. The rest of them, the jews and muslims and voodoo witches, etc need to quiet down and practice there Pagan devil worship or whatever they do in private. It's also too an abomination.
And the worst of the worst is all this gay nonsense. What nerve they have demanding marriage and domestic partner benefits and having children!! Not on my watch!
Well, Marcus is calling me from downstairs so I have to close for now. He loves it when we watch Dancing With the Stars together and it's about to come on the TV.
Chow for now, diary! Tootles!

Monday, August 08, 2011

The Secret Diary Of Rick Perry
Discovered in a dark closet by Rupert Murdoch and Associates, now the world can take a glimpse into the fascinating mind of Governor Rick Perry (R-TX)

Yeah, boy, I plan to thow my hat in the ring purty goddamn soon and run for the preisdency of the New Nited States.
I just hope that goddamn wife of mine keeps her stinkin dirty slut trap shut about catchin' me an Geoff O'Connor up in the bedroom at the govnor's bedgeroom awile back. Hey it was a honest misteak--I dun hurt mysef joggin and he was just massaging my groin mussel with his mouth because his hands got to tired. Caint a goddamn buddy hep out a nother buddy?
All reddy the goddamn librul media is up in my face about muh grades at A&M: but I say if that fuckin idjut Geiorge W. coud a gotten hiself elected why the goddamn hell caint I? Besides, that cheerleadin takes alot of practice & the boys on the team were countin on me to open wide an yell my goddamn head off!
I all reddy came up with that prayer brekfest idea so all the dumass christains will think I got religion an all; an I think them idjuts purty much bott it.
Besides,, I am a whole hell of a lott prettyer then Bush and the stupid ladys will think I'm as hot as Ronald Raygun and younger too boot.
Plus the Tea Baggers love me becuz I am tough on taxes an such--or whatever they like to here--hell-- I jus read what Karl Rove gives me to read.
Besides I jus loves teabagging HAW HAW you can ax Geoff O'Conner how much I love that shit! HAW HAW HAW
Much as I hate too, I gotta include some ladys in my campane so I'm gonna ask that ugly old sow Greta van Suscrin to be my press secratery. Shes got all them people at Fox News at her buck and call so I figger I can put up with that ole ugly bag of bones just till I get elected; than she'll be dumped like a hunert pound bag of horse crap lickity split.
I know the goddamn librul media will be axing me all about do I support gay marrage and my answer will be hell no. No way am I paying some guy alimoney when I alreddy have that goddamn Anita threatening to deevorse me ever time I mention her spending my goddamn money to much.
Karl Rove said I gotta rememrber a whole lotta goddamn talkin points and stay on track at all times ever!!! Lemme see--no taxes for rich guys only I gotta call em job creaters. Obama ruint the ecomony. Obama was borned over there in Africka. Jesus is my co-pilot. No saying goddamn it or otherwisse say any cusswords. No lookin at guys crotches no madder how hot they are. No innerviews with Anderson Cooper for that same reason. No callin' bad names to women even if they are skank and smell like fish. Lemme see what else. Uhh, no Arab oil depends. No gun controls.
If they ask about me sayin Texas would succeed from the nation I will say that was took out of contex or say I never said It.
Oh yeah Karl says I gotta kiss babys even negro and meskin ones.
I kin all reddy see this is gonna be easy as pie to git her done. Them librul medias think theyre real smart but they aint met Rick Perry yet!!!
Make that Preisdent Rick Perry!!!!!!

Saturday, August 06, 2011

I've Had It.

I'm sick and tired of the Senate, the Congress and President Obama.
I'm afraid the debt ceiling drama did me in.
Obama's a wishy washy wimp, Boehner is a pissy little bully, Mitch McConnell is a shape-shifting weasel, and the whole lot of them need to be replaced.
How dare they threaten people's Social Security and pension checks! It's our money--how dare they act as if it's not. How dare they create such melodrama by waiting until the last possible moment to strike a deal. Grandstanding like that is most unappealing when our money is on the line.
Barack Obama was a brilliant candidate.
He energized youth, minorities, gays and lesbians and slackers who never voted before.
But he's turned his back on all of us who believed in him and all his hope and change rhetoric. Rhetoric. That's all it was.
He completely oversold himself, like an informercial promising the crap they're selling actually works.
He spends time pandering to the right-wing and teabaggers as if he owes them something. I'm even wondering if he's a GOP ringer, sent in to screw the nation a la George W. Bush.
It's been nearly four years and the verdict is, he's a dud.
He stands for nothing.
He's weak.
He has no cojones.

Ask around and see if anyone who voted for him is satisfied with the job he's doing.
Ask them to name some positive, progressive changes he's initiated.
He's a warmonger.
He's a homophobe.
He allows the GOP to water down anything he suggests, like health care for example.
He's timid.
He's robotic.
He's ruined any chance for other minorities to run for president.
The voters who came out for him won't make that mistake again. The slackers will stay home. The youth will stay home. Millions of us will skip voting for the first time in our lives.

Hillary Clinton would have done a far better job as president than Barack Obama.
Anyone would do a better job than that clown.
I wish he'd step down and let Joe Biden take over. He's a goofball, but I'm pretty sure his cojones are intact and operable, plus he's actually a Democrat and not some GOP shill like Obama.
We cant take four more years of Obama. He's the worst Democratic president in history. I just want him to go away, and take his hackneyed theatrics with him.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Amy Winehouse: Dead at 27

This makes me so sad to see such a major young talent blow it all on drugs and booze.
Certain genius singers and musicians, like Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and now Amy Winehouse never made it past their 20s.
I was so hoping Amy would live to make another recording as fine as "Back to Black."
But no.
RIP, Amy.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I think back to the time I first heard Amy Winehouse's music and rushed out to buy her Back to Black CD. I nearly wore it out playing it, and I couldn't wait for her follow-up CD.

I think I can wait a while longer.
Someone get Dr. Drew Pinsky on the phone.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

AT&T: Biggest Criminal Enterprise in America

Do you know why the Republican-heavy Supreme Court wants to ban class action lawsuits?
Because huge corporate slime like AT&T are running the government, and the government's whore politicians select these pimps in robes on the Supreme Court to do corporate America's bidding.
In a few days, I plan to dump AT&T "U-Verse", after I was lied to and told my AT&T DSL wasn't fast enough to meet my Wi-Fi needs, but that "U=Verse would astound me with it's performance!"
I could literally write a book about the many ways AT&T has lied to me and screwed me, and I'm sure millions upon millions of others could do the same.

Dial-up Internet is unpopular because it's slower than a half-dead tortoise. If you have dial-up and a lot of luck, you can expect 0.5-0.6 megabytes per second (MBPS) of download speed.
DSL Internet service from AT&T allegedly was said to be a lot faster, offering consumers "between 1.75 and 3.0 MBPS speed." That should be enough to have Wi-Fi and most television viewing options live-streamed to your TV through a router. All but HD movies can work just fine at these speeds.
Trouble is, AT&T cannot deliver those DSL speeds to each consumer it promises it can.
They lie and I know they lie because they lied to me.
Fiber-Optics Internet service from AT&T was supposed to be lightening quick, giving "at least 5.0 MBPS, and even up to 7.0 MBPS, maybe more." It would literally end my download speed issues for good, as the lying sack of shit from AT&T sales told me.

Well, right now, my U-Verse super high speed fiber optics Internet service from AT&T is giving me 0.62 MBPS service.
That was not a typo--my super-duper, heavily advertised, highly expensive AT&T U-verse Internet service is working at early dial-up speeds, circa 1992.

After six solid months of countless AT&T tech support calls, in-person AT&T tech visits, in-person IT professional visits, and a million complaints to AT&T, it turns out to be one basic thing:

AT&T sells shit and services it can't deliver, tells outright lies to consumers, and makes promises out the wazoo none of them have any intention of delivering on.

Anyone know of any class action lawsuit againsts AT&T for consumer fraud that the SOTUS hasn't yet dismissed in favor of AT&T?
If you do, let me know. I'm in.

Monday, May 23, 2011

OMG So Funny
Heh, Heh, Heh, I've Been Waiting For Something Like This

Looks like someone who refused to march in lockstep with her royal highness Sarah of Wasilla has written a tell-all book about what a bitch she is.

(AP) JUNEAU, Alaska -- A former member of Sarah Palin's inner circle has written a scathing tell-all, saying Palin was ready to quit as governor months before she actually resigned and was eager to leave office when more lucrative opportunities came around.

"In 2009 I had the sense if she made it to the White House and I had stayed silent, I could never forgive myself," Frank Bailey told The Associated Press.

Palin's attorney did not respond to multiple requests for comment for this story.

"Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin: A Memoir of Our Tumultuous Years" is due out Tuesday and based on tens of thousands of emails that Bailey said he kept during his time with Palin. It began with working on her 2006 gubernatorial campaign and continued through her failed run for vice president in 2008 and her brief stint as governor

Sure, but some jokes never get old, no matter how many times they're told.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Does This Guy Seem Innocent to You?

It's been all over the news--the French head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, was arrested and indicted for sexual assault and six other related counts in NYC.
The NYPD pulled him off an Air France plane bound for Paris and threw him in Rikers.
The "alleged" victim was a chambermaid at the Sofitel Hotel in NYC, where DSK was staying in a $3,000 per night suite.
I know it's proper to say "alleged" before a criminal is found guilty, but since I have already found him guilty in my mind, I will dispense with the "alleged" bullshit.
Thinking the room had been vacated, she walked in to find DSK emerging from the bathroom, completely naked. He spotted her and chased her down like a great white hunter after a cheetah, dragged her into the bathroom and forced her to give him oral sex.
They found his sperm on the floor where she spit it out, and they found scratch marks all over his liver spotted back.
Initially remanded without bail because he had the means to be a flight risk, his lawyers pulled a Bernie Madoff and got him out on a million-dollar cash bail, where he must stay on house arrest at some Upper East Side palace until the trial.
Come on, people.
Had DSK been wealthy aluminum siding King Irving Glickberg from Des Moines, he'd be thrown into general population of Rikers, chased down like a cheetah and raped on the hour.
But no.
He's so very special.
He is Le Grand Seducer.
He's a French multi-millionaire who oversees the IMF, so that makes him even more special.
I'm not sure yet whether he can pull enough strings to be found not guilty and allowed to leave America with his tail between his legs.
However, there has been one small victory.
He's been canned as head of the IMF, so he can no longer do to needy countries what he did to that hotel maid.
Maybe he'll just skulk back to Paris and rape a few local female reporters again.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

In a headline from The Huffington Post:

George W. Bush Reportedly Feels Ignored In Obama 'Victory Lap' Following Osama Bin Laden's Death

Obviously, Bush is the same petty, egotistical imbecile as ever.
He failed to get the job done, so now he's pouting that President Obama is not sharing the victory lap with that sniveling idiot.
We all know the Bush family has been cozy with the bin Laden family for decades.
On 9/11, George H.W. Bush was in Washington DC, meeting with the sneaky Carlisle Group, along with another member: one of the bin Laden billionaires.

The only airplane that was allowed to leave the United States on 9/12 was filled to the brim with those bin Laden creeps, taking them back to Saudi Arabia as quickly as humanly possible. We know that, too.

The only mistake made when U.S. Navy personnel threw bin Laden's corpse to the sharks off the deck of the U.S.S. Carl Vinson was this: they should have thrown his good buddy W in the sea with him, for treason, collusion and other high crimes and misdemeanors.

And they could have made it a real party by adding Dick, Condi and a splash of Rummy while they were at it.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Good. He's Dead.

This time, it really was time for a president to say,
"mission accomplished."
Now it's time to get out of the Middle East and end these idiotic wars.
The president did what he set out to do.
I loved that the Americans threw his carcass in the ocean rather than have his fanatic buddies give him a gigantic martyr's funeral.
The media said he was "buried at sea." LOL! I prefer "thrown in the ocean as fish chum."
Rest in Hell, Mofo.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Stick With Reality TV, Ya Putz

If Donald Trump was serious about a presidential run instead of just trying to drum up publicity for himself and his Apprentice shows, the birther card wouldn't have even been in his deck.
One would think that this self-proclaimed business expert/quasi-billionaire would attack Obama's economic policies, but no, he started his so-called campaign with this hackneyed, teabagger birther issue that's been debunked at least a thousand times.
Hell, even a monkey with a keyboard could find a copy of Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate online in about three minutes.
Besides, Donald Trump has more dirty laundry than Amy Winehouse's steamer trunk after a month's vacation.
Like what?
Oh, I'm glad you asked.
Trump has continually violated anti-trust laws and settled for millions and millions of dollars.
Trump screwed the state of New Jersey out of sales tax for his yacht purchase.
On that yacht, Trump exploited women whom he hired to parade around in bikinis while he was making business deals with other dirty old men.
Back when Trump was married to his first victim, Ivana, he had the colossal balls to move Marla Maples, his then-mistress, to the apartment right next door to the Trump's apartment in Trump Tower.
Ivana Trump was employed as CEO of his Atlantic City hotel and casino, but in the divorce he tried to say she was neither associated with nor entitled to any of the value of those community properties.
As part of their prenuptual agreement, Trump insisted that Ivana signed the document which excluded "dating other people" as grounds for divorce.
After their divorce, Ivana Trump had a free ride discussing her failed marriage in the media, but Trump used his good-old-boy buddies in the New York Supreme Court's Appelate Division to gag her, in a 5-0 vote.
After he broke it off with his second victim Marla Maples and hit the dating scene, Trump was screwing so many women he insisted they all get AIDS tests before screwing them. He said of his testing rule, "It's scary out there."
So, we know he's a devout cheater and avid pussy hound.
We also know he's had more shady business deals than Bernie Madoff.
We know he's a bloated egotist who craves media attention like a junkie craves heroin.
And we know if he started putting his toes into the shallow end of the GOP presidential hopeful pool by splashing up the birther issue, he's got nuthin.'
I'd like to buy that douche bag for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth. I'd be a zillionaire.

Monday, April 11, 2011

I Told Ya So, I Told Ya So, I Told Ya, Told Ya, Told Ya So...

You gotta hand it to the dastardly Republicans and teabaggers.
They actually pulled it off--putting a covert GOP agent disguised as a progressive liberal Democrat in the White House.
This Obama character has turned out to be John Boner's Lhasa Apso.
Obama will go down in history as the weakest, most duplicitous president in American history.
Back in 2008, I told you people to go for Hillary Clinton.
Oh sure, she's a warmonger and a bitch, but she would have NEVER allowed the Republicans to shit all over her like they have Obama. And she would have out-Nixoned foreign policy.
The GOP has the ignoramus electorate all worried about Islamic terrorists and the second amendment while they ransack the treasury, pork barrel the wealthiest corporations (and individuals) in the nation, and run us into bankruptcy.
Meanwhile, Obama claps his hands in victory each time the GOP rams another horrible plan down his throat.
Who knew this once-brilliant orator would turn into a quivering Don Knotts once he was elected?
What exactly does he stand for?
What election promises has he kept?
I don't think he's evil per se, I just think he's a lily livered coward and a full blown masochist. He's meeker than any Democratic president in history.
I have lost all respect for him because he's a sniveling coward.
He's a turncoat.
He's a right-wing conservative in black face make-up.
What a fucking dud.
I simply don't care about politics anymore.
I think America is going down the drain, and it's too late to stop the downward trajectory.
I'd rather keep up with the Kardashians and watch Netflix movies than pay any more attention to radical right politicians who've ruined a once-great nation.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

A Sad Story

The year was 1979.
I had just moved back to Texas from Venice Beach in California.
I rented an apartment in a beat up 4-plex near the college I was attending. My neighbor across the hall was named Wanda, a hairdresser with a ravenous taste for pretty young women.
After several months of non-stop dating (for both of us), Wanda met Mary Jane and fell in love. Wanda was 27 and Mary Jane was just finishing high school, but neither cared.
Mary Jane was really cute. She wore dark, spiky hair and she was model thin. She has a sweet disposition and the charm of the country girl she was.
They broke up not too long after they got together, probably because of the age difference, but also because Wanda was a fickle dog who ran through women like a crackhead runs through rock.
Within a year, we all moved from the 4-plex because it had been sold and was being torn down.
Time has worn on and I've stopped going to bars and most huge lesbian parties.
I lost touch with both of them, but I still remembered Mary Jane fondly, and was thrilled to hear 15 years ago that she was living with my good friend Melissa, someone whose character was sterling and heart was big.
They are still together.
Last week, I got a very cryptic birthday party invitation in the mail from Mary Jane.
In it was a long note explaining that she was celebrating her 50th birthday as a memorial, since her health had gotten bad and she wasn't sure there'd be a 51st birthday. Of course I went to the gathering last Sunday, and I was shocked to see Mary Jane.
She was in a wheelchair, hooked up to an oxygen tank, and three times the size she was when I last saw her. Though she could barely speak between oxygen gasps, she held out her arms to me and said how excited she was to see me.
After the event, I drove home feeling sad and shocked.
She's got emphysema, congestive heart failure and diabetes caused by too many steroids used to treat the other complications.
If she lasts another month, it'll be a miracle.
I've seen so much death in my lifetime. One year I attended 16 funerals caused by AIDS.
My parents are dead. My husband is dead. My last boyfriend is dead. A lot of my old friends have died.
And now it looks like another old friend, only 50-years-old, will be dead soon.
It's sad, but it's really not.
Death is just part of the circle of life, and I have learned through reading dozens of books on the subject that it's good on the other side. It's really good.
And our souls do live on.
Lately, I've been fighting situational depression.
My expectations are inversely proportional to my serenity, and I let myself forget that for too many weeks.
Mary Jane's situation reminded me that health, freedom to move about, and love are the things that bring true joy.
I've got all three, so I have nothing to bitch about.
If you pray, please pray for the soaring of Mary Jane's soul...whenever her time comes. Thanks.

Friday, April 01, 2011

Stupid Texas Politicians, Again

Every fall the state of Texas provides families with no-tax weekends on school clothes and a variety of school supplies so they can save a little money while buying their kids what they need.
Inspired by this tax-free weekend, Texas State Senator Glenn Heger, from the booming metropolis of Katy, has filed a bill for another tax-free weekend in Texas.
Heger's tax-free weekend proposal would apply to the purchase of all manner of firearms, ammo and other weapons.
See, Texas hunters and gun freaks need a break from having to pay taxes on their arsenals. Hell, I'm sure the senator would like to see weapons entirely tax exempt, year around.
This story is why I've been shying away from political posts. Politicians in Texas are 98 percent stupid fucking idiots and 2 percent halfway decent.
My fondest wish is that Sen. Heger invites Dick Cheney to go hunting with him. I'll even provide the bottle(s) of Jack Daniels for them.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Arrogant Turd

Say what you will about Donald Trump (including calling him an arrogant turd) but this season's Celebrity Apprentice is a must-watch.
Why? Because Trump has assembled a group of dysfunctional has-beens and almost-weres that nobody could have matched.
Who knew Dionne Warwick was such a snide, hateful old bitch?
Who knew Gary Busey was even crazier and more brain damaged than anyone thought?
Who knew Atlanta Housewife NeNe Leakes was slightly taller and lots more masculine than Wilt Chamberlain?
Who knew Meatloaf had a temper that scared me almost right off my couch?
Who knew Jose Conseco had more tics than a Timex?
It's a trainwreck, I tell you, and it's worth watching.
And if my prediction is right, Star Jones will win the title. Yes, Star Jones is one of the more likable celebrities on the show. And I don't like her.

Monday, March 28, 2011

We Have a Winner!

Though all the suggestions were particularly horrible, when my cousin submitted this video of this song, I couldn't resist.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Announcing the Next Zipdrive Music Challenge!

Name your least favorite song & provide a link if possible.
Here's mine:

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

My Adventures With French Movies

Without rehashing my recent TV woes, I've been squeezing Netflix to death in terms of watching as many of their French movies as my eyes and ears will allow.
It all started innocently--I wanted to see on film places in Paris I've been before so I can reminisce.
Even if it's a movie that's set in the 1700's, most of the buildings still look the same, and the Parisian attitude never changes.
But I have noticed things about French movies, that no matter what the genre or era, they are always the same.
Here are some of the similarities in almost every movie:
-People are always nude and/or having sex
-Someone is cheating on someone else
-There's usually a piano at some point in the movie
-They love to break into song no matter what the genre
-They always take one sip of their tiny coffee cups and put it down
-The males love their mothers way too much
-The young, pretty females don't mind having sex with ugly old men
-Someone is always heartbroken and staring out through a rainy window
-Bitchy old women always sip bright red wine out of tiny stemware
-They all make a lot of noise when they reach orgasm
-Something emotionally draining always happens in a noisy bar or club
-Someone is always broke and someone is always filthy rich
-Everyone owns a cat
-All flats are one room with windows facing the noisy streets below
-All beds are narrower than double beds but wider than twin beds
-Everyone drinks, all the time, at all hours
-You never see anyone actually eating pastry
-The Eiffel Tower has to appear at least 10 times per movie
-The Seine River is always where stabbing victims are thrown
-Men are always barging in on women while they alone in churches
-Starring actors all end up talking to each other on their cell phones while they're within sight of one another
-The males are always dark haired, skinny and very hairy
-Isabelle Huppert always plays a repressed pervert
-Gerard Depardieu is in every movie ever made in or about Paris
-Nobody ever has a clean, new car
-Everyone gets into heated arguments or kissing scenes in the metro
-The more handsome the male lead, the bigger bastard he plays
-The prettier the female lead, the worse taste she has in men
-Only the women have regular dental visits
-Nobody at any point is modest about stripping nude, regardless of age or size
-Nobody has boob jobs or nose jobs
-Everyone smokes and nobody is allowed to comment on it
-Everyone prefers Marlboro Lights over any other brand

I could easily make a French movie that could win at Cannes.
Penniless boy meets rich girl. Boy cheats on girl. Girl gets even by cheating with the boy's father. Boy cries to his mother, who French kisses him to cheer him up.
Boy and girl end up naked in bed when father and mother are around and get caught. Nobody acts surprised or indignant. Everyone has a drink and smokes a Marlboro Light while they quietly snap at each other. The father brings out a pot of steaming rabbit stew he just made and they all act like it's delicious.
It's raining outside as they all look out at the Eiffel Tower.
The girl starts to sing and the rest of them sing back to her.
Then the girl stabs the boy's mother to death, transports her body in her Mini Cooper and throws her into the Seine.
Then they all go to the father's big house in the country, where they lounge around smoking and drinking wine while the maid plays piano. The maid is also the father's mistress.
The next morning, the son gets caught screwing the maid.
-the end-

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

And the Winner Is...

I love this song because it brings back a great memory.
About 15 years ago I was involved with a classical musician who lived in Massachusetts.
While we were falling in love, she stopped along a snowy road one afternoon and called me long distance to play me this song from her car.
Ultimately, things didn't work out for us, but we remained friends and I always think of her whenever I hear this song.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Due to a certain Korn fan's attempt at stuffing the ballot box, I am sad to report that my weaselly real life friend Jim Bob* has disqualified his entry from the race.
So far, "Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel is winning, and I hereby change my vote from Brenda Russell to Peter Gabriel.

Karen Zipdrive presents:The First Annual Best Love Song Contest

Everyone has at least a few favorite love songs that the moment they hear they are transported to a happier place.
I have many, but my entry is "Piano In The Dark," by Brenda Russell.
Her anguish, hope and passion provide the listener with the chance to feel those same emotions, vicariously through her.
Tell me your favorite love song in the comments, and if you like, please provide a link to the song's YouTube video, if there is one available.
The winning song (whichever gets the most votes) gets played here, along with a quasi scholarly essay on the song and its artist.
So, watch this video, get inspired and comment.

*suck it, cheater

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Sorry For My Recent Lack of Posts

A week or so ago, bad weather made my cable TV go kaput.
I started thinking about the exorbitant fees cable providers charge, and that led me to start thinking about going off the grid.
Enter Roku, a little box that streams TV through my router's WiFi connection.
Wow! I thought this might be the answer.
I visited Roku's site and purchased their top model for $100 plus shipping.
They promised I'd be watching TV within 5 minutes.
They lied.
Their instruction manual was a piece of shit, too.
It took more than 10 hours for my computer tech to try to hook it up, with the "help" of at least six Indian techs, straight out of "Outsourced."
After three days, we finally got the damn thing to work.
I joined Netflix and HuluPlus for $7.99 a month each.
Now I have been in a haze of TV viewing pleasure.
I've watched at least 10 movies about Paris, a couple of Bollywood films and a lot of TV shows and documentaries.
The drawbacks is that a network show you love that comes out on Monday cannot be seen until Tuesday. Getting news is dicey as well.
If a show or movie is in HD, you have to have enough netspeed to get it. Alas, I do not.
But I figure for $15 a month, what the hell?
I get to see weird movies and shows that cable did not provide.
As a TV addict on a budget, it's great to tell Time Warner where to shove it and watch so much TV that $15 a month is really worth it.
Roku's software is incredibly poor. They are said to be coming out with a second generation that will be better. Uh huh, that's what Microsoft said about Vista.
But for now, if you want to know about obscure French movies with strong female leads, I am your woman.
And I'll start blogging regularly again, I just need to watch a couple thousand movies that look interesting.

P.S. I do not own an LG TV. LG stands for Lucky Golden, a Korean company known for trashy things that plug in.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Has anyone noticed that the Middle East populations seem to be overthrowing all their governments?
How interesting I find this news.
I'll bet George W. Bush is glad he's out of office because all this unrest in the M.E. would definitely have given us some ideas.
What's your take on it?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

Singer Nico kind of sums up this year's VD for me, you know, off key and dark.
Why are things so dark? Read on after the video.

Recent stormy weather messed up my cable TV. Knocked it out.
So I decided to skip expensive cable TV and go modern. My Big Sis researched and suggested Roku live streaming TV via a little black box that picks up the WiFi signals from my router.
Yesterday my friend Nancy, a computer nerd, worked for almost 5 hours trying to hook it up. She spoke with at least four different Pakistani or Indian tech reps, when finally one said, "We have tried everything--it's clear the Roku unit you have is damaged and will not work."
I ended up taking it back to Radioshaft where I purchased it.
I ordered a new one online and expect it on Wednesday.
No TV for more than a week has made me one grouchy Valentine*.
Happy Valentine's Day.

* I do have a Valentine's date, however. We are going to iHop. WOW.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

How is This Continuing to Happen?

You know you're being paid too much in Hollywood when you order your hookers by the half dozen and your drugs by the brick.
I've never seen Charlie Sheen's show, "Two and a Half Men," but is it so brilliant that Sheen can virtually piss on every law in California and still make $1.25 million an episode?
Did you know if his latest drug & hooker scandal results in a ratings boost for the show, he'll be given a substantial bonus?
How can he get by with all this multi-witnessed illegal drug and prostitution activity without the LAPD raising so much as an eyebrow?
Why is CBS paying this low bottom drunk/addict so much money when everyone can see he's got some sort of crazed death wish that all that money is expediting?
Rumor has it, he's so spoiled and indulged that he refused to go to rehab, so his people hired some rehab guy to sober him up in the comfort of his own mansion.
Yeah, the same mansion where just last week he was on an extended bender with five hookers and a brief case filled with cocaine, hand delivered by his dealer.
Are we supposed to believe his trip to the ER was because his hernia was acting up on him?
At age 45, he's as broken down and disabled by multiple addictions as that creepy homeless guy with the "golden voice" who couldn't last in rehab past a week.
Has American society become so degenerate that a morals clause in a TV contract is considered a quaint concept reminiscent of the 'I Love Lucy' era?
Yes, it has.
Look at this up-and-coming young train wreck:

She went from being an allegedly wholesome Disney star to a whiskey voiced, bong smoking, stripper pole humping slut in a matter of months.
When a minor is a multimillionaire with parents who peaked in the 80's, she becomes the chief breadwinner in the family. Who's gonna lay down the law to her, Billy Ray Cyrus? Not unless he plans to start making the mortgage payments, he won't. Her parents couldn't even object to her shacking up with her Aussie co-star before she turned 18.
Charlie Sheen and Miley Cyrus should be shunned and boycotted by the public until they get some psychiatric treatment and address their massive problems.
But what I think is driving all of this is the public's morbid fascination with impending doom. Who would be shocked if either of them OD'd and died?
We all know a fatality for either would be a ratings bonanza for celebrity gossip TV shows and tabloids.
News like that would lead the headlines, from network news to print media to the Internet. News of the unrest in Egypt would be completely eclipsed by either of them showing up dead somewhere.
How can anyone still be fans of these arrogant punks when we all know they are the nation's worst role models who operate totally outside the law?
Where's the wholesome family viewer outrage?
We have a morbid desire to watch celebrities burn out and croak.
I just wish they'd get on with it so we can move on to another topic of American tastelessness.
It makes me long for the days when 'I Love Lucy' wouldn't allow Lucy and Ricky to use the word "pregnant" when Lucy was expecting their son Desi Arnaz junior.
Even married couples had to use twin beds on the sitcoms of yesteryear, but with this new crowd, clearly anything goes.
The mystery to me is that anyone ever liked either of them to begin with.
What's your take on it?

Monday, January 31, 2011

Zipdrive's All-Inclusive Anthem For All What Ails You

Bad ex-lover or spouse? IRS audit? Surly traffic cop? Unreasonable, demanding boss? Hateful in-laws? Petty, vindictive "friends"? Spammers? Rude drivers who cut you off in traffic? Bad neighbors who make too much noise? Ridiculous teabagging politicians? Fox news? Rednecks? Hypocritical clergy? Terrorists? Gun nuts? people who can't handle their liquor or drugs? Overbearing strangers? Liars, bums and thieves? NBA ballhogs? Creepy celebrities?
Is there someone or something that bothers you to distraction?
This song never fails to cheer me up when I'm sad, comfort me when I'm angry and empower me when I'm stuck in traffic or stranded at a long red light.
There's a G rated version of this song called, "Forget You," but I like this pure, unadulterated version, from the voice behind Gnarles Barkley, Cee Lo Green.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It Takes Two, Baby

Like Paul Debbie Downer Ryan (R-WI)wasn't enough to rebut the President's State of the Union Address, rabid teabagger and agitator Michelle Batshit Bachmann (R-MN) put on her own dog and pony show, courtesy of CNN.
In fact, CNN hyped her up like she was an officially designated GOP spokewitch by running her screed right after Big Ears Ryan droned.
What, the GOP is in such disarray with the teabaggers on board that they have to have two mopes speaking?
I confess, I didn't listen to Bachmann's remarks because I prefer my fiction in book form. But I did hear Paul Ryan's speech, and apparently he thinks it's too late to do anything anyway because our best century is behind us.
The GOP has forgotten that Clinton left a surplus, Bush 43 spent all of it, then ran us to the brink of bankruptcy.
They call the bailouts a terrible error, but they haven't noticed that Wall Street is rallying, the economy is healing and banks are starting to pay back the money Obama loaned them.
I liked the president's speech, but he used some pretty slick terms regarding Social Security and Medicare and I hope that doesn't mean he intends to mess with either of them. If he does he's toast.
But compared to Debbie Downer and Batshit Bachmann, Barack Obama is a brilliant orator with dazzling rhetoric.
If Ryan and Bachmann are the best the GOP's got, we Democrats are in good shape.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Don't You Dare.

The Feds act like the money we all put into Social Security is their money, not ours.
Now they want to jack with it and screw the Baby Boomers, not to mention the Gen X and Gen Y kids who'll probably never see a dime of it.
Yeah? Well, I predict if they start skimming our Baby Boomer Social Security checks there will be a glut of new pot growing operations done by retired folks.
Old folks are patient and they have time to watch over seedlings and tend to huge plants in their basements, garages and so forth.
All they need is a cooperative grandchild to help distribute the crop, and presto! Instant Social Security supplement funds.
Can I get an amen?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

If I Wrote President Obama's State of the Union Address

I read an article today about state of the union addresses being cliche ridden and often stale. Though I'm sure President Obama's address will be filled with soaring rhetoric, as is his specialty, I have an idea for a speech that I'm certain will reassure Americans frightened by the economy.

Friday, January 21, 2011

The F stands for Fuck Off!

It must be a seasonal thing, but lately a whole bunch of people I've never heard of have sent me Facebook friend requests.
It's really pretty easy for me, I have about 60 friends on my list and that's because I know them in person or at least I have known them online for more than five minutes.
I wonder how it is people I know can list 600 friends or even 6,000 friends, then it occurs to me--they just want to look super popular so they spend hours drafting any one they happen to see on Facebook who might be a so-called friend collector as well.
You know, a quid pro phony arrangement.
I have had some actual friends whom I've resisted Facebook friending as well.
Why? Because they are batshit crazy and I don't want the wrong person associating their crazy asses with mine.
So, I'm sorry Margaret Reynolds, Dennis Stone, Janice Taylor and the rest of you--I don't know you, so why would I want to pretend I do?

Thursday, January 13, 2011

She Opened Her Eyes

With any kind of luck, it looks like the bullet that flew through Rep. Giffords's brain last weekend won't have lasting damage to her ability to function.
I pray that she'll heal and be able to speak again, and when she does I hope she says, "I don't want any more targets placed over my likeness or that of my Congressional District. It's wrong, it's hateful and it's obviously dangerous."
She doesn't even have to mention the bloodthirsty Sarah Palin, her anti-Semitic use of the phrase blood libel or her cohorts in the teabagger crowd. People will know who she's talking about.
President Obama's speech last night reminded me why I voted for him and contributed to his campaign. I was proud of him once again.
I wish Rep. Giffords a speedy recovery.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

Ooopsie Daisy!
I had to beat feet to take down that US map with the crosshairs on my websight before I Tweeted my condolinces and prayers about Congressman Kathy Lee Gifford's shooting accident.
Thank God my pals in the media are saying this was not a right or left thing, it was a crazy guy's thing. Hard to beleive the haters out there are tryin' to pin this on me and my retorick. Last I checked, this is a free countrie, and I have the forth amendment right to free speach!!!
As for Congressman Kathy, I guess this will teach her a lesson not to be a democrat Jew in Arizona. The folks their do not like outsiders infiltrading into AZ politics. Which is why I told Bristol to wait a few years before she runs for city council of Maricopa County.
It turns out the crazy guy with the gun was a pothead, which tells me he's got democrat tendencys. He sure has never contacted me or my people about any thing, thats for darn sure!!
I will tell you some thing though. That sherif of Pima Country has got to go. He is a closit liberal with his silly remarks about toning down the retorick. The people of Arizona have a way of dealing with turncoats, and the solution goes: "bang bang bang." (LOL!!)
Course I will have to wait awhile to post a target over his face on my websight, but purty soon things will calm down (thanks to Fox News and other truely responsible news outlets) b4 I can do it.
Mean while, the evil liberals have cancelled my realty show and now I have to come up with another plan to earn some big bux b4 my 15 minutes is up. I asked Todd to go back to work; but he's gotten like a pimp now and he refuses to work becuz he says I am a cash cow with the sexie udders to prove it!!!
Okie dokay, Piper has supper ready and I gotta go downstares to eat. Yum- I shot that caribou the other week and she has made us some cariburgers to eat. I hope she made that blood gravy to go with it!!!
Toodles 4 now!!!!
Who Is This Bitch?

Sarah Palin is the mother of the Teabagger movement.
She's a money grubbing scoundrel who made $250,000 per episode on her newly cancelled reality show.
Last night my friend Gene and I tried to watch the season finale of her show. She and Todd and Piper watched the USAF Blue Angels fly in spectacular formation. Once they landed, they all lined up to shake hands with Palin.
Who is the current governor of Alaska, and why wasn't he there to do the handshaking?
For Palin the quitter, how is she considered a dignitary who gets to shake hands with Blue Angel pilots?
Other than a bad reality show, her only job seems to be flying from place to place and agitating crazy people who own guns.
She's basically a carnival barker, daring the mentally challenged and terminally angry to use their weapons and Be Somebody.
Why does she still have a voice in the political spectrum?
What does she contribute to society?
Politics in America were not as vitriolic or bloody before she came along and made violent rhetoric fashionable.
I am shocked that the mainstream media refuses to include Palin's influence in their incessant reporting about the Arizona assassinations.
That's why bloggers are important.
We are not leashed by conservative publishers who control what we write.
And we call a spade a spade, and we can say that Palin is an accomplice to murder.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Sarah Palin has Rep. Giffords's Blood on Her Hands.

Yes she does, and anyone who says differently is delusional.
Palin and her teabagging pals spit violent vitriol all over the media, and crazy armed people take it too seriously and go out and murder people.
Arizona has laws that allow unregistered nuts to carry concealed weapons.
Arizona has become the Mecca for right-wing nuts with guns.
Rep. Giffords is a Blue Dog Democrat, but idiots on the right don't know blue dogs from blue balls.
Palin needs to be muted. Not by gunshots or violence, but by public demand.
She started this shit, and the blood stains will never wash out.
Of course the shooter in AZ will plead insanity, but anyone smart enough not to talk to the cops until he was lawyered up tells me he's not nuts, he's just a typical mean, right-wing son of a bitch with a sense of entitlement he thinks allows him to shoot total strangers with whom he disagrees.
Arizona used to simply be hot as Hell.
Now it is Hell.
The Evolution of Hip Hop, as Recreated by Quincy Jones and Ludacris

Now, I like this. I can listen to this kind of hybrid stuff all night long.
I think it's definitely martini drinkin' music.

Rugs, Rugs, Rugs

Who do these guys think they're kidding?
What's wrong with being bald, anyway? Michael Jordan certainly didn't lose any fans because he decided to shave off whatever remaining hair he had. Neither did Sean Connery.
I think bald guys are sexy and masculine.
Why these phonies insist on covering their heads with wigs is a mystery to me.
And some have selected the cheapest looking rugs on the market.
Give it up, boys. We are on to you.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Captain Owen "Honors" Fired

Gee, it's getting so the captain of a gigantic Navy aircraft carrier can no longer get by with making lewd, sexist, homophobic videos to show to his 5,000+ person crew.
You'd think after those other high ranking asses got canned because they gave a candid interview to "Rolling Stone" magazine where they all but said President Obama is a moron, other high ranking military officers might think twice before doing something as stupid as making offensive videos public.
Maybe Capt. Honors can create a new career on the comedy club circuit. Or maybe Fox News will hire him as a military affairs "expert."
At any rate, I'm glad they fired the stupid bastard and took away his fat pension for life.
With the repeal of Don't Ask/Don't Tell, the last thing today's military needs is a homophobic high ranking officer. Especially the Navy.
Even the Village People knew way back in the 1980's about the Navy's reputation for attracting gay seamen.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out, "Honors".
Fuckin' jerk.