Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Douchebag Duet

What more can be said about 7x convicted felon Ted Stevens besides "thanks for the extra Democratic Senate seat, you fuckin' Republican fuck!"
As for Douche #2, get a load of this:
-First Joe the Plumber said he was an actual plumber who wanted to buy a quarter million dollar plumbing business on a $40k salary. Huh? Shouldn't he invest in some decent furniture before he springs for an expensive new plumbing business?
-Then he bitched about Obama raising his taxes when it turns out he's in arrears on his taxes. How can your taxes be raised when you don't pay them to begin with?
-Then he said he wanted to run for Congress.
-Then he said he wanted to write his autobiography.
-Then he said Obama as president "would mean death to Israel." Honestly, does this guy look like he'd know shit about Israel, much less care?
-NOW he's hired a publicist in order to launch his new career as a...
-Country music recording artist!!!

Are all Republicans suddenly insane, or have they always been, only not so obvious about it?

These two Republicans are a couple of real shitlicks.
Just when McCain and Palin damn near had the market cornered on GOP douchebaggery, they get upstaged by a has-been and a never was?

I am so happy I've never dabbled in being a Republican. By now it has to be an embarrassment of gigantic proportions.

Today during one of my elevator polls, a young woman said she'd just voted, for McCain. She actually looked down at the floor as if she was ashamed of herself. Good. She should have been ashamed, the dumb fuck.

As for Joe and Ted, I hope that hundreds more seek their 15 minutes of fame between now and Nov. 4.

When Republican grandiosity meets mediocrity, hilarity ensues!
The 30-Minute, Prime Time Obama Infomercial

I have come to my final conclusion regarding the presidential race.
Those who have not, will not or cannot vote for this amazing man are (choose as many as applicable):

1. Stupid
2. Ignorant
3. Oblivious
4. Intractable
5 Out of Touch
6. Rich and Greedy
7. Heartless
8. Mentally ill
9. Hateful

Tonight, Barack Obama carefully spelled out who he is, what he stands for and what he plans to do as president.
He was not petty and vindictive toward his deceitful, hate mongering, slanderous opponent, nor his running mate whose racist code language and rampant ignorance rivals that of the worst of that ilk: George Wallace, Adolph Hitler and John Birch.
Obama embodies all that America presumes to be--freedom loving, wife and family loving, fiscally responsible, spiritually reverent, kind-hearted, mature, decent and strong.
This is I man I truly believe might turn out to be the best president in American history.
This is a man whose sincerity is unquestionable.
This is an honorable, loving man.
This is a persuasive, intelligent, articulate man.
This is a man who America can proudly show the rest of the world as an example of what is good about America and it's people.

Unlike I could have ever done, Obama has weathered and transcended the relentless smears, lies and hate speech from his opponent and anyone associated with the McCain campaign.

I have been voting for presidents since 1972, when I cast my first vote for George McGovern. Never have I seen a candidate conduct a campaign as loathsome, disgraceful, dishonest and anti-American as John McCain and Sarah Palin.

I am so pleased that I, in my small way, contributed funds Obama has used to spread his message and overcome the relentless attacks from the right.
I am thrilled he had enough money left over at this late stage to purchase 30 minutes on all the major networks for his final speech to the American people.

The immediate reaction to his 30-minute presentation from the pundits has been rare in its unequivocal praise. Virtually anyone with a brain and a heart agrees- Obama's final remarks were flawless.

McCain is a very tiny little man compared to Obama.
If he's the best the Republicans had to offer this election cycle, they have finally gotten what's coming to them. Political annihilation.

Sic semper tyrannis, motherfuckers.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Yeah, I Can Think of a Few Myself

The MCCain/Palin crampaign doesn't care if Joe the Plumber was neither a licensed plumber nor a guy named Joe, now they are peppering their campaign speeches with all sorts of So-and-So the Such-and-Such references who allegedly support them. Corny, but they think it's working for them.
I figured I'd match them with a few of my own, only these are Obama supporters, and not in any particular order.

My fellow Americans, there are ordinary people out there who know Barack Obama will help them by giving them tax cuts because they earn less than $200,000 a year and they won't have their health insurance benefits taxed.
They include:
Alex the IT Guy, April the Computer Nerd, Anna the Social Worker, Albert the Nephew, Bedia the Nursing Student, Angela the Hotel Manager, Adam the co-worker, Bert the CFO, Beth the Petroleum Engineer, Bettie the Lobbyist, Billy the retired guy, Brett the dowager empress, Cris the ex-girlfriend, Clay the newspaper editor, Cynthia the college professor, Cynthia the psychologist, Chari the Computer Nerd, Chica the hot older woman, Cindy the retired teacher, Dee the life coach, D-Cup the blogger, Dierdre the Park Ranger, D-Guz the ex-Texan, Donna the message therapist, Dusty the Blogger, Evan the New Yorker, Elaine the art director, Elena the politician, Fran the Christian, Gare the gay guy, Gene the gay artist, Graciela the Radical Latina, Hannah the Genius, Hedda the Diva, Helen the Blogger, Irene the college professor, Jenny the environmentalist, Janice the psychotherapist, Jan the Midwife, Jeannie the cousin, Jesse the neighbor, Jessica the single mom, Jill the rich lesbian, Jody the Jew, John the Cousin, Julien the smoking hot lesbian writer, Kathy the rich lady, Katie the cat lady, Kathy the paralegal, Katie the Jewish broad, Libby the Liberal, Lynne the boss, Mathman the teacher, Matty the Boy, Marlene the lawyer, Martha the jewelry designer/actress, Melody the horse rancher, Michelle the designer, Mollie the weed smoker, Monkey the Muck, Maralyn the Cool Black Friend, Nonnie the Photoshopper, Nan the cooler Black Friend, Nancy the Rocket Scientist, Nell the skinny waitress, Nancy the whiny neighbor, Princess the Sparkle Pony, Pagie the Republican, Patrica the Cajun, Patti the Loudmouth Asshole, Robert the old Gay Guy, Rick the Buddy, Rita the lawyer, Robin the Cute Chick, Roger the Redneck, Roz the Hilarious Black Chick, Ruth the pothead, Rene the hot lesbian, Sandra the Rehabber, Sandra the Investigator, Shelley the Boston Jew, Sharron the lover-in-law, Sonia the Frenchwoman, Sparticus the IT Auditor, Stephanie the Smart Girl, Therese the lover-in-law, Tippy the Shrink, Trish the photographer, Vickie the Drunk Lawyer, Willie the Personal Trainer ...and more.

Stolen from FranIam, only I liked the old Budweiser ads and she did not. Glad to see these guys using their (ahem)acting skills again, this time for a cause greater than beer.
Dumb and Dumber

Great googly moogly! I think I have taken myself to the brink of political torture.
Yes, I actually watched Elisabeth Hasslebitch introduce Sarah Palin at a rally this morning in Tampa, Florida.
Obviously, the (straight) men of the GOP have a new trick up their sleeves.
Having realized that prominent GOP women like Laura Bush, Barbara Bush Sr., Kay Baily Hutchison, Liddy Dole, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, ad nauseam all share the same unfuckability quotient, now they are pushing for good looking GOP chicks only.
Even the most rabid Democrat would have to admit, if they didn't talk, write or gesture, both Palin and Hasslebitch are good looking broads.
Alas, once they open their mouths, all the pretty in the world can't fix stupid.
A pretty but stupid woman is no trophy.
I have dated a few pretty but stupid women, and eventually my catty friends and sisters ask how I can tolerate such a dummy. Truth is, once the sexual patina rubs off, the stupidity factor and lack of stimulating conversation bore me too much to carry on.
But then, I am not a Republican straight man.
Apparently, all they need in a female Republican is the desire to fuck her, then whatever idiotic mush she drools out on the campaign trail is wholly insignificant.
Hearing Hasslebitch flap her jaws, followed by Palin's grating assault on my eardrums was torture. But using the mute button and just looking at those two made me realize what the GOP good old boys were up to.
Sex sells.
Even if the product it's selling isn't worth a damn.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Sarah Palin, You're Under Arrest

Okay. I am a professional journalist, but grammar and punctuation have never been my strong suits. However, I do have a few grammatical pet peeves that annoy me more than fingernails scraping a blackboard.

Sarah Palin's grammar is atrocious. Her vocabulary and diction are just as horrid.

1. In her recent interview with Brian Williams, she said, "By his own admittance, Bill Ayres said..."
It's admission, you stupid cow.
2. She often says, "also too."
Also and too mean the same thing, you redundant cunt. Sherri Shepherd on 'The View' makes the same mistake. Stop it, bitches.
3. I've heard Palin say, "I should of..."
It's "I should have," you moronic ignoramus.
4. Though I haven't see her writing, I'd bet $100 she confuses "your" and "you're." For the last time- your is used like this: That is your problem. "You're" is a contraction, with an apostrophe that means "you are." "You're an asshole, Sarah Palin. As a handy hint, when deciding when to use 'your' or 'you're,' sound out the sentence using "you are." If it sounds right, then use the version with the contraction.
5. Droppin' the "g's." Hey, I drop my g's off "ing" words all the time. But if I were running for office, I'd pronounce them. The world is watching. It's not a time for folksy, lazy diction, you stupid fucking hick.
6. Here's a sample of Sarah Palin speaking extemporaneously, about her daughter's wedding: "Um,” Palin said, “hopefully before that. But Bristol turns 18 in a few days. That’s what we wanted her to wait for: 18 and a decision on her own about how she’s going to forward..." What the fuck? Why not just skip the "um" and say, "Once Bristol turns 18, she feels she'll be ready to make a decision about her wedding date."
7. From her interview with Katie Couric: "It's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where—where do they go?"
This sentence is so mangled, I can't figure out how to fix it.

Palin might have intelligence of some sort, but for a person who allegedly holds a degree in journalism, I cannot figure out how she got past basic English 101 and got into a journalism program.
America has had enough Bush and Quayle types who make all Americans sound like high school drop-outs. We do not need another leader who sounds like an idiot selected from the cast of "Hee Haw."
I've got nothing against small town America and folksiness, but goddamn it, we need leaders who can string a sentence together that actually makes sense.
Bush used up all the malopropisms alloted to Republican politicians. Joe Biden is currently holding the Democratic talking stick, but he's way behind Bush's record.
Sarah Palin needs to take her dumb ass back to Alaska where she can you betcha and darn tootin' those poor frozen bastards half to death.
It's On!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Scamma Lamma Dingdong

A McCain campaign volunteer who reported that a tall black man robbed her and then cut a "B" onto her cheek after seeing a McCain bumper sticker on her car has been given a polygraph test because of "inconsistencies" in her story, police said.

Among other things, police said photos and bank card information from an automated teller machine where the college student claimed she was robbed do not show her using the machine at the time, police said.

Pittsburgh police spokeswoman Diane Richard wouldn't release the polygraph results, but said, "we're still looking at some inconsistencies" in the woman's story.

Police said the student, Ashley Todd, of College Station, Texas, who is white, told them she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man Wednesday night.

Richard said police have not ruled out that the woman was attacked as she claimed, and said inconsistencies deal primarily with how she described the attack.

"We're just trying to judge the validity of some of the information we received from her," Richard said. "We understand when you are under duress that sometimes you can't recollect things. We're just looking at all the angles."

Among the differences in her accounts are whether she lost consciousness, whether she remembers handing over money and how the man assaulted her, police said.

The report of the attack Thursday prompted the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate, Sarah Palin, to call Todd expressing their concern. Barack Obama's campaign also issued a statement wishing Todd well and hoping the attacker would be swiftly brought to justice.

The Associated Press could not immediately locate Todd or her family.

Ethan Eilon, executive director of the College Republican National Committee, told reporters that Todd worked in New York for several months before moving to Pennsylvania two weeks ago to continue working for the group.

Eilon declined to comment on the investigation Friday or to help The Associated Press contact Todd. In a follow-up e-mail, Eilon said, "We think this girl has endured enough and that this is going to be something for her and her family to work through."

Richard, the police spokeswoman, said police have pictures of the victim and her injuries, but are not releasing them. She said they are "more or less" consistent with a picture that has surfaced on the Internet that show a woman with a black eye and a red backward "B" that looks like a welt or scrape on her right cheek.

"It's not like her cheek was carved out," Richard said. "It's more like a scrape or a scratch."

In her initial account, Richard said, Todd attempted to use the ATM when the man approached her from behind, put a knife with a 4- to 5-inch blade to her throat and demanded money. She told police she handed the assailant $60 and walked away.

Todd told investigators that she suspected the man then noticed a John McCain sticker on her car, became angry and punched her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground and telling her "you are going to be a Barack supporter," police said in a statement.

She said he continued to punch and kick her while threatening "to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter," police said. She said he then sat on her chest, pinned her hands down with his knees and scratched a backward letter "B" into her face using what she believed to be a dull knife.

The woman told police she didn't seek medical attention, but instead went to a friend's apartment nearby and called police about 45 minutes later.

Police have reinterviewed Todd at least once since her initial statement, Richard said.

In the subsequent discussions with investigators, according to the police statement, Todd said she was accosted as she approached the bank and fled her attacker, fell to the ground and the assailant began beating and fondling her.

Police Cmdr. Larry Ross, who is in charge of the police precinct where the attack was first reported, said Todd's story has continued to change.

"I guess she elaborated more when she went down to the bureau headquarters. She added other things to it that we didn't have at first, that she didn't tell the initial officer," Ross said."

The backwards "B" should have been their first clue.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Opie Cunningham Throws DOWN.

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die
(I'm John McCunt and I approve this message)

Barack Obama Wants to "SPREAD THE WEALTH AROUND!!"

Horrors! Spreading the wealth around?
What kind of insane idea is that, to actually tax people more who make more money?
Why, what would that accomplish?
My friends, this nation was built on the notion that there were Haves and Have Nots. To suggest that the Haves should give up a little so the Have Nots can have a little is UnAmerican!
So spread the word, my friends, my opponent is trying to unfairly tax those fine American people who barely make more than $250,000 a year.
And then he wants to take their money AND SPREAD IT AROUND to people who obviously don't know how to make money or else they'd already have money!
Then they'd be taxed more and have to give away their extra money to a whole new set of Have Nots!
Obama is not only a terrorist and an Arab, he's also a communist and a socialist and a big fat taxer.
Cindy and I will spread our wealth around when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Spread the wealth around! It's an outrage!
Worth a Thousand Words

I'm not saying having holes in one's shoes is a desirable trait, I'm saying it's nice to see Obama is more concerned with substance than style.
I think recent revelations about the GOP's $150,000 efforts to clean up their dowdy hockey mom settles the elitist issue.
It's been said a presidential candidate has to be a millionaire to even get in the race, and I have no doubt the Obamas are worth at least a million dollars.
I'm just pleased to see they shop off the rack like the rest of us so they understand regular people who have to live within a reasonable budget.
As for Obama and his shoes, I don't think anyone who contributed to his campaign would make a peep if they heard he spent $200 on a new pair.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Oh Fer God's Sake!

Okay, at first glance it looks like Piper Palin is carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag with an estimated retail value of about a thousand bucks.
Hey, she is carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag with an estimated retail value of about a thousand bucks, only my hunch is she's acting as her mommy's lil' valet.
What the Hell, Sarah, let your kid with the melted Gummi bears all over her hands carry your expensive purse--it's not like you paid for it.
So, all you hockey moms and Walmart Republicans who think Palin represents your cherished small town values so much that you went without Totino's pizza and Ding Dongs for a month so you could donate money to her? SUCKERS!
Palin cares so much about her kids, she allows them to be dragged in on her outrageous wardrobe scandal by letting the paparazzi photograph the little girl with the loot in her hand? WTF??
If anyone donates another penny to this trailer trash bitch, I hope they designate it "for children's therapy."
She's passing on some trashy psychopathology to these poor kids.
I bet even baby Trig is wearing rompers from Bel Bambini in Beverly Hills, courtesy of the hockey moms and Walmart Republicans out there.
You get what you pay for, chumps.
"I'm a Real Fancy Maverick!"

This keeps getting better.
It seems the GOP and the McCain campaign has used more than $150,000 in campaign donations to gussie up Caribou Barfie.
In keeping with their Joe the Plumber, down-home folksiness, Camp McCain has mosied on down to the Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue General Stores and bought Miss Missy enough fancy duds to pay for the health care of 15 people for a year.
No wonder she's such a hit with rural America--they think she bought that Oscar de la Renta couture suit at WalMart!
Let's Governor of Alaska, Palin makes $125,000 a year. Now can someone please explain to me how anyone can justify spending that plus another $25,000 on clothes in three months?
Are we Democrats being pissy about this?
Well, when John Edwards was paying $400 for a haircut, we sure heard a lot about that from the right-wingers. But even if Edwards got one haircut a week at $400 a pop, it would take him more than 7 years to spend $150,000 on his vanity.
I am imagining the diehard Republican blue collar worker who stretched his budget and sent the McCain campaign $100. I wonder how he'd feel knowing he bought a third of a blouse with his donation?
I make pretty decent money, but I only own two things from Nordstrom- a blouse and a vest I bought on sale. As for Neiman Marcus, a friend of mine once gave me a pair of red leather Cole Hahn driving moccasins she bought for me on sale at the Neiman Marcus Last Chance Outlet. That's it.
This is a big deal.
It shows that the GOP are all style and no substance.
It shows that they may be trying to appeal to the rural WalMart crowd, but they're doing it in glossy couture.
I can see Cindy McCain justifying the $300,000 ensemble she wore at the RNC convention--it was her money.
I can even see Old McCain sporting his $600 Ferragamo loafers--it was her money, too.
But what I can't see is someone who used to dress like this:

suddenly dressing like this:

Small town hockey mom, my ass.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Crazy Old Man Jibber Jabbers Until Everyone Notices He's Totally Senile (not to mention full of shit)

Can you believe this guy?
It hurts to listen to him. He's either lying, droning on and on about pie, or meandering through his campaign like he's on acid in a house of mirrors.
Sarah Palin wasn't just a bad choice, she was a symptom of his rapidly declining judgment.
This guy makes Reagan look like Ken Jennings from Jeopardy.
Please, someone give him his stewed prunes, a warm bathrobe and a large-type edition of Reader's Digest.
Making him stay in this race is akin to elder abuse.
It's just too cruel.

Monday, October 20, 2008

McCain: My Health is Fine, You Goddamn Little Jerks!"

"Yeah, I let those left wing liberal sons of bitches in the media look at my health records, and if 45 minutes wasn't enough for them to go through just the 1,200 pages of information, then fuck 'em, they read too slow." -John McCain
In Your Face, POW!

Naturally, turds like Rush Limbaugh and Pat Buchanan said that Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama was only because they're both black.
Never mind that Obama and Powell are about the whitest black men in the country; Limbaugh and Buchanan don't even try to disguise their racism anymore.
Their base now, like Sarah Palin's, are white, middle aged-to-elderly disgruntled folks who'd rather back a sickly old fart and his dimwitted, sad joke of a sidekick than vote for the good of the nation.
Bush nearly ruined Powell's illustrious career and public image by forcing him to peddle bullshit to the UN General Assembly. I think Powell was partly trying to rehabilitate his credibility and bona fides by endorsing the better candidate.
Racists are being forced out in the open.
It's our duty to call them on it every time we hear them say something hateful about other races.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

It's Election Stealing Season

Even in Texas we can smell the acrid bitterness and mildewed flop sweat coming from the McCain campaign.
My official Zipdrive Elevator Poll, where I ask everyone who's riding the elevator with me in my office building (with 1,000+ inhabitants)who they're voting for, it's about 50/50. That's astounding for one of the reddest states in America.
Even some of the archetypal Texas good ole' boys I've been asking have said they were leaning toward Obama. They shake their heads, look down at their boots, grumble and say, "I never thought I'd say that."
With things looking like a landslide is upon us, it's time for the GOP to start looking at their time honored tradition--ballot tampering. Machine rigging. Voter nullification. Whatever works.
That smell of acrid bitterness and mildewed sweat is starting to be mixed with the fragrance of roasting acorns.
Yeah, ACORN hired a few part-time slackers who tried to get out of doing their job of actually registering voters by filling out phony voter registration cards.
Yeah, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, aka ACORN, is unlike any other. They hired a couple of seasonal workers who turned out to be lazy and dishonest.
Now the American public runs the risk of fictitious people like Mickey Mouse, Hugh G. Rection, Anita Hahnjob, Weldon Rumproast, Chris P. Bacon, Dick Fitzer, Kitty Lidder, Frank N. Beans and others showing up at the polls to cast their vote.
Let me lay it all out for you, in case my sarcasm didn't register.
Fictitious voters will not show up to vote because they do not exist. Thus, ACORN may have been guilty of hiring some duds, but those duds' actions will not affect the outcome of this election even in the slightest.

What WILL affect the outcome is Republicans like the crook who runs Diebold pulling another stunt like they did in Ohio in 2004. No paper trail, easily hacked machines and a blatantly Republican agenda virtually handed Bush a victory in 2004.

So, what those of us who favor a fair and legal voting process have to do is ensure the landslide margin of victory is even bigger than the one polls are indicating today.
-Talk Obama up to anyone who'll listen, wherever you are.
In Texas, I just tell people I'm worried about the economy, then mention that McCain voted with Bush 90% of the time.
-Send Obama, the Democratic party or some money. Imagine if everyone who blogs or reads blogs all sent $5. Every little bit helps.
-Put an Obama sticker on your car, a sign in your yard or both.
-Volunteer at a polling place.
-Write a letter to the editor and complain about ballot tampering.
-Pray. If you don't pray, visualize, send positive vibes or whatever you do to draw good things to yourself and others.

We're in a mess and this is no time to let the election be stolen from the American people.
What other ways can we act to ensure a fair election?
Tell me.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Oliver Stone's "W"

Saw it. Liked it.
Thought Oliver Stone went too easy on him.
More later.
Don't want to spoil it for anyone.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Political Haiku

Ahh, the sweet juxtaposition between nature-inspired, soothing haiku and scum sucking, sniveling campaign politics. The yin and yang! The sweet meets the bitter! The placid old mama cat meets the stinky skunk babies.

Obama, at first
You bothered me a whole lot
Now I think you're cool

John McCain, at first
I was neutral about you
Now? Go fuck yourself.

Prisoners of War
Should sue the pandering turd
Wah Wah! Me hero!

"Health of the Mother"
With big air quotes he said it
Sarcastic old fuck

"ACORN bad!" he said
John forgot: gave their keynote
speech, back in '06

Hey Joe the Plumber!
You make a quarter million?
You pay more tax, prick.

Sarah Palin puts
The cunt in phrase "cuntry first"
And Trig's her grandson!

Joe the Plumber lacks
Ohio Plumbing licence
Fucking phony plant.

"I'm not Bush," he cried.
Then his eyes bulged and he blinked
Three-thousand-ten times.

Cindy McCain- yikes
Botoxed and Vicodinned up
A rich bitch junkie

Michelle Obama
A tall, cool drink o' water
And Mama can dance!

Last night, John McCain
Scowl blink, scowl blink, scowl blink, blink
Petit mal seizures?

Barack stayed so calm
He looked quite presidential
Old John just looked mad

"ACORN bad!" John said.
If they're bad, then tell me why
He stores them in cheeks!

Barack: Bugs Bunny
And McCain is Elmer Fudd
Only grouchier

Even Fox News said
Obama kicked McCain's ass
His saggy, old ass.
Joe the Plumber!?

As usual, John McCain got hold of a thought and perseverated on it like a dog eyeing a juicy bone. Another sign of his impending senility--repetition
"Joe the Plumber will have to pay more taxes."
"Joe the Plumber works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day."
"Joe the Plumber deserves fair treatment."
"Joe the Plumber is my friend."
"Joe the Plumber is America."

Here's my take on it.
If Joe the Plumber can afford to buy a business that will pay him more than $250,000 a year, fuck him, he needs to pay more taxes.
Besides, has anyone actually hired a plumber lately?
Those motherfuckers charge more than a neurosurgeon would just to snake the damn hair out of your shower drain.

I have a plan for Joe the Plumber.

Charge your customers less and make less than a quarter mil a year and you'll pay fewer taxes, you greedy bald-headed shitty booted bastard!
If you pay me $250,000 a year, please IRS, help yourself to 50 percent of my income. That leaves me $125,000 a year and that's enough to live a very comfortable lifestyle, even with kids, a mortgage and two car payments.

Once again, McCain chose to harp on an unsympathetic character. Rich plumbers will not play well with educated professionals like architects, lawyers, accountants, educators, the clergy, musicians, artists, nurses and even most politicians.

For him to make the first quarter of the debate all about Joe the rich fucking plumber shows he's totally out of touch.

Oh, and John, plumbers DO NOT work 7 days a week.
Not unless you pay them triple, you senile, filthy rich motherfucker.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

BigBalls Rushed to Hospital

Funny, CNN reported Dick Cheney going to the hospital this morning but nobody's mentioned it since.
Seems he had a cold all week and was said to be "rushed to the hospital this morning as a precaution."
Which makes me think- if McCain were to suddenly croak before the election, do you think Palin would be the nominee?
We Interrupt This Debate to Bring You Some Smokin' Hot...
Tonight's Debate: What to Expect

You can expect McCain to be stiff, grumpy and mumbling.
You can expect Obama to be unflappable.
You can expect McCain to bring up Bill Ayres.
You can expect Obama to smile and react calmly, as if Grandpa's Sundowner's Syndrome is flaring up again.
You can expect McCain to mention cutting capital gains taxes, without mentioning that the only people getting capital gains right now are multi millionaires.
You can expect Obama to deftly shove that idea down the old seadog's gullet.
You can expect to see Obama's Mona Lisa smile.
You can expect McCain's expression to more closely resemble Edvard Munch's "The Scream."
I love the smell of toasted Republicans in the evening.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

They've Gone Too Far

I know I've been harping about the McCain/Palin campaign fomenting hatred, violence and racism during their stump speeches, but this little video clip helps to illustrate what I've been saying.
While it's true that I loathed Bush and Cheney's campaigns, even they didn't sink this low in their desire to win.
I read a lot about people who claim to know McCain and say he must be hating to do what his handlers tell him to do, but why then has he done it anyway?
Is he really that weak?
Palin is an unsophisticated rube without the political acumen or experience to know any better, but hasn't McCain been around long enough to avoid scorched earth politics?
Desperation is a miserable affliction. You can smell it on a person like burnt Styrofoam.
Desperate politicians try to hide it- using slogans like "country first," when it's so clear they'd watch the country implode before they'd do the honorable thing and admit they've betrayed their own principles in order to win.

Obama hasn't won yet, though all signs seem to be pointing that way. But McCain has already lost.
He's lost his self respect.
He's lost the "honor" of being a POW by over-exploiting it for personal gain.
He's lost all credibility.
He's lost the people's trust.
He's lost his mind.
Watch the Rats Jump Off the Sinking Ship

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Unkempt, Ignorant Slobs for McCain

Swiped this from my pal Dusty's blog.
How embarrassing to share the same nation with this group of Dorito munching, Big Gulp drinking, ignorant slobs.
Go home to your trailers, wash your greasy hair and shut the fuck up, y'all.
That's Enough.

I am fuming over the rhetoric and tone of the McCain/Palin campaign.
Seriously, these two have gone too far and their statements and insinuations are fanning the flames of hatred, intolerance and violence among the most ignorant of their supporters.
We know they are losing and they know it, too. But rather than elevate the tone and rhetoric of their speeches and offer some useful ideas to help a damaged America stabilize, they both ramped up the hate speech about Obama, and in the process emboldened the worst kind of racists and hatemongers who support them.
God damn it, they can't talk about Christian Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Obama's 20-year association with his church and call Obama a Muslim at the same time.
God damn it, they can't fault Obama for what Bill Ayres did as a Weatherman 40 years ago when Obama was 8.
God damn it, they cannot encourage their followers to start yelling "terrorist," "kill him" and "off with his head" at their rallies.
These people are insane!
Bitter, mean spirited and hate mongering candidates have no place in the government.
When one of McCain's idiot supporters claimed Obama was a Muslim, McCain made a feeble attempt to correct her by saying, "No ma'am, Senator Obama is a good family man."
So ignorant and steeped in hatred is he, he inferred that Muslims by nature cannot be "good family men."
We have millions of tax paying, law abiding, American born Muslims in America, most of whom are "good family men."

McCain and Palin need to cut through all the veiled references and code phrases and just be truthful and say what they really mean:
"My friends, we don't want a nigger president."

They are beyond pathetic.
I plan to send Obama's campaign $10 for every instance of racist, xenophobic hate speech I hear from the McCain/Palin camp until the election is over.
Palin Pucks Up Philly's Season Opener

Pity the poor Philadelphia Flyers' team, having to host Sarah Palin as their guest puck dropper.
Though Fox News played a version with the audio filtered to diminish the boos- listen to this version shot from the nosebleed section.
Hey, I like Philly a lot.
The people are friendly and the food is good. It's a nice town, with its row houses and huge downtown scene and good art museums.
The hockey fans of Philly deserved more.
With the curse of the Palin cooties on their puck, the Flyers lost their season opener to the NY Rangers.
To Vinny and Paulie and Vic and Marie- I'm sorry, guys.
Better puck next game.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Game, Set, Match
Alaska panel finds Palin abused power in firing

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — A bipartisan legislative committee investigating Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has found she unlawfully abused her authority in firing the state's public safety commissioner. The investigative report concludes that a family grudge wasn't the sole reason for firing Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan but says it likely was a contributing factor.

The Republican vice presidential nominee has been accused of firing a commissioner to settle a family dispute. Palin supporters have called the investigation politically motivated.

Monegan says he was dismissed as retribution for resisting pressure to fire a state trooper involved in a bitter divorce with the governor's sister. Palin says Monegan was fired as part of a legitimate budget dispute..."

Well, there you have it.
She's a fucking liar who abused the powers of her office to indulge in a petty family grudge against her ex brother-in-law.
Hey, I don't like my ex sister-in-law but I never broke the law to prove it. For one, I love my nephew and I'd never disrespect him by causing any harm to his whore of a mother. For another, I believe in karma and think it takes care of the assholes in our midst.
In Palin's case, it just did.
Gotcha, bitch.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Mud Pies for ‘That One’

Some of John McCain’s friends, from the good old days when he talked straight, feared that his Greek tragedy would be that he would be defeated by George Bush twice: once in 2000, because of W.’s no-conscience campaigning, and again in 2008, because of W.’s no-brains governing.

But if McCain loses, he will have contributed to his own downfall by failing to live up to his personal standard of honor.

John McCain has long been torn between wanting to succeed and serving a higher cause. Right now, the drive to succeed is trumping any loftier aspirations. He cynically picked a running mate with less care than theater directors give to picking a leading actor’s understudy. And he has been running a seamy campaign originally designed by the bad seed of conservative politics, Lee Atwater.

It was adapted in 2000 in Atwater’s home state of South Carolina by Atwater acolytes in W.’s camp to harpoon McCain with rumors that he had fathered out of wedlock a black baby (as opposed to adopting a Bangladeshi infant girl in wedlock). Sulfurous Atwater-style rumor-mongering by Bush supporters — that McCain had come home from a Hanoi tiger cage with snakes in his head — aimed to stop him during that primary after he had zoomed in New Hampshire.

Atwater relished teaching rich, white Republicans to feign a connection to the common man so they could get in office and economically undermine the common man. In the 1988 campaign, the Machiavellian ran to help George Bush Sr. defeat Michael Dukakis with this unholy quintet of charges:

The Democrat was a ’60s-style liberal who would raise taxes and take away guns. He was weak and would not protect the country militarily. He was a member of the elite “Harvard Yard’s boutique.” He had a foreign-sounding name and was not on “the American side.” He was on the side of the Scary Black Man.

Sound familiar?

Certainly, at some level, John McCain must be disgusted with himself for using the tactics perfected by the same crowd that used these tactics to derail him in 2000. He’s now curmudgeonly, even hostile, toward the press — the group he used to spend hours with every day and jokingly describe as his base.

He unleashed Sarah Palin to slime their opponent and suggested that the Democrat with the foreign-sounding name who came from the Harvard Yard boutique is not on the American side.

Campaigning last weekend, Palin cast their Democratic rival as “someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect that he’s palling around with terrorists who would target their own country.”

The woman is sounding more Cheney than Cheney. Palin said that Obama’s relationship with the former Weatherman William Ayers proved that he did not have the “truthfulness and judgment” to be president. Asked by William Kristol if the Rev. Jeremiah Wright should be an issue, she said, “I don’t know why that association isn’t discussed more.”

Atwater gleefully tried to paint Willie Horton as Dukakis’s running mate. With a black man running, it’s even easier for Atwater’s disciple running McCain’s campaign to warn that white Americans should not open the door to the dangerous Other, or “That One,” as McCain referred to Obama in Tuesday night’s debate. (A cross between “The One” and “That Woman.”)

On Monday, McCain made Obama, who has been campaigning for almost two years now, sound like an ominous intruder, questioning his character and motives, telling a New Mexico crowd that “even at this late hour in the campaign, there are essential things we don’t know about Senator Obama ...

“All people want to know is: What has this man ever actually accomplished in government? What does he plan for America? In short: Who is the real Barack Obama?”

The new McCain TV ad, “Dangerous,” calls Obama “dishonorable,” “dangerous” and “too risky for America.”

McCain aides have been blunt in their need to change the subject from the economy. But, as with Bush Senior’s re-election campaign, slithery character attacks don’t scare as well when Americans are already scared about keeping their jobs and retirement savings. Maybe that’s why McCain didn’t bring up Ayers or Wright during the debate, instead leaving it to Sarah Barracuda.

Palin finally took questions on Tuesday from her traveling press corps on her campaign plane. Asked if she thought Senator Obama was dishonest, McCain’s Mean Girl meandered:

“I’m not saying he’s dishonest, but in terms of judgment, in terms of being able to answer a question forthrightly, it has two different parts to this. The judgment and the truthfulness and just being able to answer very candidly a simple question about when did you know him, how did you know him, is there still — has there been an association continued since ’02 or ’05, I know I’ve read a couple different stories. I think it’s relevant.”

Of course she does.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

CLEARWATER -- Constantly under the watchful eyes of security, the media wasn't permitted to wander around inside Coachman Park to talk to Sarah Palin supporters. When reporters tried to leave the designated press area and head toward the bleachers where the crowd was seated, an escort would dart out of nowhere and confront him or her and say, "Can I help you?'' and turn the person around.
When one reporter asked an escort, who would not give her name, why the press wasn't allowed to mingle, she said that in the past, negative things had been written. The campaign wanted to avoid that possibility Monday.

Oh, right. The press should avoid questioning the dignity of serious Palin supporters like this gentleman in the photo.
However, the crack team of reporter from Pulp Friction was able to penetrate the press blockade and interview this man, who identified himself as, "Winky the Clown."

KZ: So, you're voting for McCain/Palin and you seem to really like her. May I ask what it is about her that resonates with you?
WtC: Well, I don't know what 'resonates' means, but I like that she winks a lot.
KZ: You like that she winks a lot?
WtC: Yeah, cuz my name is Winky the Clown and I wink a lot. Kids love that!
KZ: So that's your basis for supporting her?
WtC: You're doggone right it is!
Gwen Ifill: "She Blew Me Off"

Sunday, October 05, 2008

The Extremely Dumb Pit Bull With Lipshtick

Oh, swell.
The increasingly desperate MCCaint/Palin campaign has officially taken the gloves off Palin and set her loose on unsuspecting audiences.
"Jeeze, do we wanna guy who pals around with Bill Ayres, who tried to bomb the doggone Pentagon because he hated America so doggone much because he was nothing but a doggone terrorist?"
What a fucking imbecile.
If we want to hear about past associations, let's talk about more recent past associations the candidates had as grown men- like Charles Keating and John McCain.
Obama was 8-years-old during the time Ayres was like so many of us- against the Vietnam war and willing to openly protest it.
With the economy in shreds due to excess deregulation that chumps like McCain campaigned for for so many years, does that stupid ass Palin really think any of us give a shit about what anyone was doing 40 years ago?
Oh, wait.
McCain was a POW 40 years ago, and I keep forgetting he peaked as an honorable man way back then and has been whimpering about it ever since.
Yeah, Palin, by all means let's avoid discussing the present- let's not even MENTION Bush or McCain supporting him 90 percent of the time, instead what I want to know about was what Obama's acquaintance did 40 years ago when you were 4.
Jesus, these imbeciles can't even bash their opponents well.

Still, I can think of no better attack dog than Palin. The more she says, the harder we get to laugh.
Let's forget the economy, folks, because what really matters in 2008 is Vietnam.
Nonnie9999 is My All-Time Heroine

My friends, if you haven't yet visited Hysterical Raisins (listed to the right)you are missing the best Photoshopped political humor in Bloggodelphia.
Nonnie9999, though I know nothing about her except for her talent, has a standing invitation to move to Texas and into my home where I will provide her with a huge screen computer, a zillion nanogigs and pay all her bills just so I can come home from work every evening and say, "Nonnie, what did you Photoshop today?"

I am using her graphic to illustrate the point of this entry.
I think our side is gonna win.
Yes, for the first time since this never-ending election season began, I am truly feeling optimistic.
-First of all, this maverick shit has started to bore even the stupidest voters out there.
See, mavericks don't say they're mavericks. Bad asses don't say they're bad asses- they don't need to. Nor do mavericks.
It's just not mavericky to brag about being a maverick.
-Second, it turns out people don't like grouchy old farts with trophy wives, $500 Ferrigamo loafers and throbbing melanoma bulges on their faces.
-Third, Palin may be one of the only even remotely fuckable Republican women, but her voice, her mangled syntax and all that winking and posing are turning people off. Tina Fey has single-handedly made it totally uncool to like Palin.
-Fourth, the McCains own too much shit and people resent that. From all those houses to that fleet of cars to the $100 million beer franchise to the private jet to Cindy's $300,000 fashion and jewelry ensemble she wore to the RNC, people know they can't relate to common schlubs like us.
-Fifth, how many lies can McCain and Palin get caught in telling and repeating before people figure out they're a couple of huge liars?
-Sixth, conservatives like George Will, Peggy Noonan and many others have confessed that McCain has flawed judgment and Palin is Exhibit A.
-Seventh, even religious nuts think churches whose pastors speak in tongues and whose guest pastors perform anti witchcraft rites over politicians think that kind of shit is way too freaky.
-Joe Sixpack might like the common touch, but their politicians cannot be more white trash than they. Moose eating and pregnant teens and shooting animals from an airplane combined are just too lowbrow.
-Frances McDormand won an Oscar portraying a North Dakotan with the most grating regional accent in America. Nobody wants to hear that shit on the evening news 7 days a week.
And finally, people want to bring back Camelot and see the romance brought back to the White House.
Behold this handsome, loving couple:

Yeah, that's an image we'd all like to see representing to the world the best America has to offer.

Friday, October 03, 2008

The Secret Diary of John McCain

Well, the VP debate is over and thank God that stupid cunt Sarah didn't fuck up too bad. Do I sound pissed off?
Yeah well, she promised if I made her my running mate she'd blow me and so far no blow. I hate cockteasers worse than I hate Gooks.
Anyways, we got the debate Nazis to lower the bar enough for old cornpone pussy to pass muster but that's only because Joe was scared to even look at her or else we'd brand him as a sexist prick.
Hell, Joe's too pussywhipped to be sexist. I bet he's never even had a piece besides Jill, he's so whipped.
Anyhow, besides sweating my balls off over how Moose Breath would do in the debate, we also ran into a snafu with the bailout shit.
The goddamn Democrat pundits started sniffing around deregulation legislation that happened a million years ago and when they tried to pin that shit on me I laid low a while until it passed. Karl told me to say I was "suspending my campaign to work on the rescue plan" and goddamn if people didn't buy that shit.
Then the fucking little jerk billed me for $50,000 for the fucking advice. I had one of my goons pay the prick, but once I'm president he better run for cover because I'm gonna kick him back up Bush's stupid ass.
And speaking of stupid asses, I found out Cindy wore $300,000 worth of rags and diamonds at the convention and I came close to giving her the beatdown she's been asking for. She's goddamn lucky I can't raise my arms or make a fist or she'd actually need a Vicodin RX.
I'll be glad when all this shit is over and I'm president so I can tell the ghosts of my dad and his dad that I won, I'm Commander in Chief and they can go fuck themselves.
Bush told me when he got his second term he called his dad and really rubbed it in- said something like, "Bend over, old man, I got two terms and my wife doesn't look like my fuckin' grandma."
Meanwhile, I've called Sarah in for a meeting tomorrow. I'm gonna just tell her I still have time to drop her white trash ass off the ticket, so she better pucker up and blow me good or else. Fuckin' prick tease, I'll show her who's boss.
Hey I'm Cute, I Think I'll Wink My Way In

Not Such a Bright Idea

I went to a swell debate watching party at my other sister's house.
I took a big slug of wine every time Palin said, "maverick."
By halftime I was hammered and hanging out in the kitchen talking to a judge friend of my lover in law's.
I think by then, Biden had already demonstrated that he is a serious contender, and Palin had proven herself to be the kind of broad Joe Sixpack would want on his bowling team, if not spread eagle on a pool table.
The most telling point of the debate was when Biden teared up about raising a family as a single parent, and Palin's stone faced reaction was devoid of compassion.
Yep. She's Bush with tits is all.

Thursday, October 02, 2008