Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sunday Bloggy Sunday

I was thinking how much fun it would be if Laura Bush tried to run for president in 2008. With her newly acquired Botox face and a grin that rivals Jack Nicholson as The Joker, I can only imagine her Valium-fueled stump speeches. More like stumped speeches.

"Mommy Dearest" is on Bravo this morning. When it first came out back in 1981, Big Sis and I took Mama to see it on Mother's Day. Mama was impressed when her suspicions about Joan Crawford being a bitch all along were confirmed, but Big Sis and I were more perturbed because Faye Dunaway had ham-acted herself into such a believable portrayal, she was permanently thrown into our "actresses we no longer wanna fuck" category.
To this day I refuse to use wire hangers...

My new car has seven Bose speakers hidden all over the interior, but I was sort of disappointed when I couldn't get that thump thump thump bass sound at high volumes. Then I played, "My Hump" by the Black-eyed Peas and the sound rivaled that of any cholo's monster truck in the 'hood.

Did I mention the renters who moved in next door last autumn? The husband is a young greaseball who drives the loudest motorcycle in Texas. Their other vehicle is a big Dodge pick-up truck painted the color of pantyhose. Nobody in Texas drives Dodge trucks--they are considered the vehicular equivalent of Shasta brand soda.
Here in Texas, many alumni from the University of Texas put little chrome longhorn silhouettes on the backs of their vehicles. I had to laugh when I spotted one on the back of that Dodge truck. As if! He may as well put a Harvard Law decal on his back windshield.
The dude works for Budweiser, which is handy considering how much they drink and party every weekend. Their kids like to go outside and scream at a glass-breaking pitch for no apparent reason. The wife uses a Sharpie to draw in her eyebrows and her hair is peroxided sort of an orangutan orange.
They also have a mostly Beagle mutt who barks all night long.
When they first moved in, they had a party that was so huge and loud, the cops came three times. There must have been 300 people there. The next morning, my lawn was strewn with empty Styrofoam menudo bowls, beer cans, bottles, wadded up napkins and a used Pamper. They also trampled three of my sweet olive shrubs as they staggered across my lawn.
Needless to say, their landlord Pete (who used to live there until he shacked up with the whore across the street) has been deaf to my complaints. When the idiot next door recently woke me up one night at 11 by hammering on the fence between our houses, I called Pete to complain. He told me to go fuck myself.
Well, all I can say is I hope the renters like opera.
Every time I see them gathering outside for another beer bust, I move my 5,000 watt speakers to the windows, crack them open and blast them with Carmina Burana or Carmen. That's one nice thing about being older and richer than the punks next door---better speakers.
This spring I plan to landscape that side of my yard with the most vicious cacti I can find-- you know-- the kind that'll pop a football if it lands on the patch. I just hope moist cat manure helps them grow, because my boys have quite a manufacturing operation going on in their catbox.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Oh! Now I Remember...

Silly me, I must've forgotten during a haze of banana daquiris and Methadone.
See, I gave my eggs to Anna Nicole so she could have my baby Dannilynne.
I am the baby's Mama and I need that $400 million so I can take proper care of her.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Heyyy, Haven't We Heard This One Before?

U.S. Says Arms Link Iranians to Iraqi Shiites
Senior U.S. military officials presented their first public
evidence for the assertion that Iran is supplying Shiite
extremists in Iraq with lethal weapons.

Lethal Weapons? You mean, like weapons of mass destruction?
Sure they are, Bushie. Riiiight.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


The Dixie Chicks cleaned up at the Grammys Sunday night with their anti Bush song, "Not Ready to Make Nice."
With three out of four Americans FINALLY hip to the idea that Bush is an imbecilic, mean spirited little tyrant, it's good to see evidence of that with a country girl group winning so many awards with a song that points out the Hell the Bush neo-cons perpetrate against Americans.
The jig is up. Mainstream America is listening...finally.
You go, Dixie Chicks.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Anna, Anna, Fabulous Anna

All I can say is, when the faux prince husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor claims he's the baby daddy, this is the trailer trash story of the decade.
Can Bobby Trendy be next to claim he's the baby daddy?

All this Anna Nicole news and the one person we've yet to hear from is her butch assistant Kimmie.

I think she's the damn daddy.