Thursday, June 30, 2005

More Haiku

Bush's Iraq Speech
Said before silent soldiers
Too pissed to applaud

We don't want Bolton
To Bush, our no means his yes
And his yes trumps ours

Bush thinks 9/11
Equals Iraq and Saddam
It's Saudi, stupid

Napalm in Iraq?
Bush says no, we don't use it
Fucking fuck liar

Mission accomplished?
What mission was that, Dubya?
2K soldiers dead?

New FBI Group?
A new head of a subhead
Whew! I feel safe now

Jail reporters NOW
Except for old Mike Novak-
Fuck Valerie Plame

Spain lets gays marry
Canada's about to, too
Backward Bush Bastards

Send Bush twins to war
If one gets killed, no problem
There's still a spare, see?

Condolence letters
Signed by Rummy's AutoPen
He can't be bothered

I'm intolerant
Of intolerant assholes
I've had it with Bush

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Worth Watching?

Tonight on FX at 8 central 9 eastern is "30 Days," where a white guy from West Virginia spends a month with some fundamentalist Muslims in Michigan.
I am eager to see what it's like to be a Muslim in the United States of Jesus.
Let's Start Calling It What It Was

I am sick of 9/11 having such a generic name.
Let's start calling it what it was- the Saudi Terrorist Attack on America.
That way, next time Bush and his chum the Saudi prince are seen walking hand in hand on the Crawford ranch, even the stupidest American can ask why he's holding hands with the leader of the country that brought us Osama Bin Laden and 90 percent of the 9/11 terrorists.
They say liberals like me are soft on terrorists and want to give them therapy.
I hate the Saudi Terrorists and the government that fostered them as children through hate-filled textbooks and radical Islamic teachers.
This liberal thinks our troops should have invaded them and ignored the dormant, broken-down dictatorship of Saddam Hussein.
Fuck Saudi Arabia, it's not like we are still getting cheap oil from those anti-American, sexist, homophobic, religious extremist bastards.
They attacked us- they should pay.
If Bush is still holding hands with their leader- who's he serving, them or us?
It's All 9/11 and Nancy's Fault

In Bush's speech about Iraq last night, he managed to refer to 9/11 five times in 28 minutes.
Apparently he still thinks Iraq had something to do with the Saudi terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.
Though no connection has been made by anyone, Bush apparently ignores that and continues to believe his own warped thinking.
In other news...
My neighbor across the street, Nancy, keeps parking on her front lawn. She does it because she is evil and wants to harm me and destroy my property value.
Because of that, I have adapted Bush's policy, and now I blame everything that happens in the neighborhood on Nancy.
• My hose keeps getting kinks in it. Nancy must have dented it when she parked her car on my lawn, probably while I was away.
• Some say the summer heat may be the cause of my lawn getting dried out. It's heat all right, from the sizzling catalytic converter on Nancy's land yacht of a Cadillac.
• The ice cream man keeps playing the same damned song on his loud, high treble, partly blown speakers all day long, day after day. I think the glint of the windshield from Nancy's lawn-parked car has blinded him so much he can't see the treble or volume controls.
• Kids with loud bass car stereos drive down my street, disrupting the peace. Sure, why not? They see Nancy's car on her lawn and figure this is a ghetto.
• While I was watering my plants the other day, I picked up a cactus spine in my finger. I must haven been distracted by the sight of Nancy's car on her lawn.
• My prize Boston fern looked a little desiccated the other day. Must be the extra heat reflecting off Nancy's car chrome, radiating across the street from her front lawn.
• My kitten Nick has damaged the brand new mini-blinds on my front room window. See, he's fascinated with the incongruous sight of Nancy's car parked on her front lawn, so he keeps forcing the slats open with his paws so he can gaze at it.
• I think Nancy has a tap on my landline and my cell phone. Every time I call 311 code compliance to report her for parking on her lawn, she moves it to the driveway before they get there.
• Nancy may one day be the cause of me getting seriously injured or even maimed. I fantasize about throwing a box of roofing nails on her lawn to discourage her from parking her car there, and if she or her husband are mowing the lawn and hit a nail, it could fly across the street and land in one of my delicate little diabetes feet and force me to have an amputation.

Just thinking about how Nancy is responsible for so much turmoil in my life makes my blood boil.
Fine then, if she wants to threaten me, I may have emulate the President and take the war to her.
I think I'll borrow a bunch of money from my Chinese neighbors and rent a bulldozer, drive it across the street, dig up her lawn and make a pile of dirt so high she cant park on it. Then I will rent a truck and gather up a lot of old trashy furniture and pile it on top of the dirt. Then I'll buy some old junked cars and pile them all over my lawn so she can see how icky it looks.
And I may get some spray paint and graffiti the front of her house with the words BAD NEIGHBOR.

That'll fix her for being an evil witch whose lawn parking has disrupted my peace loving nature.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Borrowed from The Coffee House Blog
Hitting Bottom

The White House and the war machine are collapsing, and their only hope would be to hit a bottom, like alcoholics and addicts have to do before they have a prayer of finding a solution. Until then, drunks keep lowering the bottom, justifying everything, lying even to themselves—or at any rate, that's what I did, until 19 years ago next week, when I was basically drinking just to keep all the flies going in one direction. That's where a lot of senators find themselves now.

I think that many in the majority party are finding themselves in the same psychic shape as alcoholics a few months before they finally seek sobriety, except for George Bush, who apparently does not have a clue. With alcoholism, other people can see that the alkie is, to quote one of my friends, in a state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization; but it takes what it takes for the alcoholic to realize that. This is why we have Karl Rove saying that when liberals saw the savagery of 9-11, we wanted to give the terrorists aid, comfort, and aromatherapy. So if the disease model of addiction holds true for this administration, there is something SO stinky and bad that has not quite yet had the light shined on it, that is the rock bottom truth of their madness, and that, tragically, even worse stuff than we already know will be revealed.

Rove's behavior this week reminds me of three things, besides my own sorry alcoholic collapse: one is what my very wise friend Gil says-and Gil has been sober since before God-that there are three stages in the disease: fun, fun and trouble, and trouble. Fun, for the White House, was the fall of Baghdad and Mission Accomplished. Fun and Trouble held, up until a month or so ago: you had huge body counts, grave global dismay, etc, but you also had the elections here and in Iraq, with all that courage and the purple fingertips. Now?

Well, I don't see where the fun is anymore: I think we are now leaving the fun and trouble stage.

The words both Rove and his idiot child George Bush spoke this week remind me of a day not long ago when I was tearing around town before a long weekend, assault-driving, making lists with my free hand, when my brakes started going out. It was quite scary. I called my mechanic, and described the problem, and he said he could not fix the car until Monday. I explained that I had a million things to do. There was silence at the other end. Then I asked, rather imperiously, "It's okay to keep driving it, isn't it, if I'm careful?"

There was a long pause. And he said, "Not without BRAKES!"
The Republican Guard is driving the war in Iraq without brakes. There is nothing they will not do or say to get those American bases built so soldiers can protect our sources of oil. But nothing is going to stop them until the damage to our forces in Iraq is so catastrophic that it forces the members of Congress to rethink their own re-elections. Some sort of symbolic threshold has to be reached in terms of dead Americans, before politicians really have to try to save their own careers.

We're not there yet. I thought briefly that all the women dying in the suicide attack today might shake Bush up, because Americans love big numbers, and that seems to me to be a lot of dead young American women. But I am in the mountains, at 6,500 feet, and the air is thin.

And then again, I am just one of those angry, rage-filled Democrats Rove was speaking about on Wednesday, who have not gotten over losing those last two pesky presidential elections
If Bush Senior was dead, he'd be turning in his grave. This must be a total nightmare for him and Barbara, watching the good Bush name get slimed. But this won't stop Junior either.
Nothing stops an alcoholic one day short of reaching his bottom. I know people who have run over people drunk, parents who have considered killing their own children, people who've done serious prison time because of their drinking, and none of that stuff could stop them.

Nothing is going to change our course in Iraq until America reaches our bottom, that threshold when, say, 2,000 Americans are dead-or even better, 2,700, the same number of American who died on 9-11. It doesn't matter that 9-11 had nothing to do with Bush's war in Iraq—it is just that when we reach that threshold, the American electorate is finally going to be sick and tired of losing, and of disgracing itself. Republican politicians will seriously have to decide whether to act like states-people, or to keep defending Bush and Karl Rove.

So until that day, I am going to keep the faith by protesting and registering voters and signing impeachment petitions and taking care of poor people, and trying to do the next right thing, like most of you are doing—and like that man who stood outside the White House during the Vietnam War, with a lit candle, not because he thought it would change the country, but because he didn't want the country to change him.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Gas Prices at an All Time High

Thanks, Bush. And be sure to thank your Saudi masters at OPEC for us.
Now let's see how high you can get those prices, and how bad you can fuck it up for the rest of your GOP cronies in the legislature, you lame duck criminal bastard.
GOP? Does that stand for Gas Overpriced?
Fuckin' jerks.
What are you paying?

Saturday, June 25, 2005

The Solecisms of George W. Bush
or God Help Us With This Ignorant Fool

There is a lot of helping moving into this part of the world,
Punta Gorda, Florida
August 15, 2001
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
as quoted in New York Times
August 5, 2004
For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it.
Washington, D.,C.
May 14, 2001
Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious - I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.
Washington, D.C.
June 4, 2001
The power that be, well most of the power that be, sits right here.
Washington, D.C.
June 18, 2001
They misunderestimated the fact that we love a neighbor in need. They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the Commander-in-Chief, too.
Washington, D.C.
Sept 26, 2001
The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the -- the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice.
Washington, D.C.
Oct 27, 2003
Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling.
Washington, D.C.
Jan. 23, 2004
My views are one that speaks to freedom.
Washington, D.C.
Jan. 29 2004
In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences.
Meet the Press
Feb. 8, 2004
God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear.
Los Angeles, California
Mar. 3, 2004
Why don't you mentor a child how to read?
St. Louis, MIssouri
Jan. 5, 2004
I want to remind you all that in order to fight and win the war, it requires an expenditure of money that is commiserate with keeping a promise to our troops to make sure that they're well-paid, well-trained, well-equipped.
Washington, D.C.
Dec. 15, 2003
The Iraqis need to be very much involved. They were the people that was brutalized by this man.
Washington, D.C.
Dec. 15, 2003
Whether they be Christian, Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, people have heard the universal call to love a neighbor just like they'd like to be called themselves.
Washington, D.C.
Oct. 8, 2003
We had a chance to visit with Teresa Nelson who's a parent, and a mom or a dad.
Jacksonville, Florida
Sept. 9, 2003
Now, we talked to Joan Hanover. She and her husband, George, were visiting with us. They are near retirement — retiring — in the process of retiring, meaning they're very smart, active, capable people who are retirement age and are retiring.
Alexandria, Virginia
Feb. 12, 2003
The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Jan. 29, 2003
One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to an end.
Washington, D.C.
Jan. 8, 2003
There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
Nashville, Tennessee
Sept. 17, 2002
The federal government and the state government must not fear programs who change lives, but must welcome those faith-based programs for the embetterment of mankind.
Stockton, California
Aug. 23, 2002
We hold dear what our Declaration of Independence says, that all have got uninalienable rights, endowed by a Creator.
May 24, 2002
The public education system in America is one of the most important foundations of our democracy. After all, it is where children from all over America learn to be responsible citizens, and learn to have the skills necessary to take advantage of our fantastic opportunistic society.
Unknown source
May 1, 2002
My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason. It begins here because for a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific.
Tokyo, Japan
Feb. 18, 2002
Let me finish for a minute, John, please. I'm just getting warmed up. I'm finding my feet.

And that's really my only comment I've got.
News Conference
July 30, 2003
There's a lot of countries that can help.
Interview, Newsweek Magazine
April 30, 2003
The first time we may be completely certain he has nuclear weapons is when, God forbids, he uses one.
Address to the UN General Assembly
September 12, 2002
changed in later transcripts to "God forbid . . . ."
I'm furious. But my furity will not keep me from . . .
After the terrorist attack on Hebrew University
August 1, 2002
changed in later transcripts to "Even though I am mad . . . ."
There is going to be a lot of Democrats who will support my plans to make our schools better.
Amarillo Globe-Times, November 10, 1994
Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
source unknown, September 18, 1995
You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
reported in Newsweek, March 5, 2001
I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.
Washington, D.C.
Oct.3, 2001
The power that be, well most of the power that be, sits right here.
Washington, D.C.
June 18, 2001
If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all.
Washington, D.C.
May 22, 2001
But I also made it clear to Vladimir Putin that it's important to think beyond the old days of when we had the concept that if we blew each other up, the world would be safe.
Washington, D.C.
May 1, 2001
This administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end.
Washington, D.C.
April 10, 2001
I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.
Washington, D.C.
Jan. 29, 2001
Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment.
Washington, D.C.
Jan. 14, 2001
I'm against hard quotas, quotas that basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society.
quoted in the Austin American-Statesman
I think the baby-boomer parent ought to say, "I've learned from mistakes I may or may not have made."
quoted in the New York Times
If affirmative action means what I'm for, I'm for it.
Presidential Debate, St. Louis, October 18, 2000
Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.
Campaign Speech, LaCrosse, Wis., October 2000
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
quoted by the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.
Unknown, January 2000
If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow.
Unknown, January 2000
There needs to be debates, like we're going through. There needs to be townhall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is a huge country.
on Larry King Live, December 16 1999
Actually, I — this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about — when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
on Hardball, MSNBC May 31, 2000
Will the highways on the Internet become more few?
Unknown Source, Jan. 2000
I've got a record, a record that is conservative and a record that is compassionated.
Unknown Source, March 2000
I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be — a more literate country and a hopefuller country.
unknown, January 2001
Rarely is the question asked, Is our children learning?
Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.
How many hands have I shaked?
quoted in the Washington Post
My guidance to them is, behave yourself. And they will.
Laura and I are looking forward to having a private dinner with he and Mrs Blair Friday night.
quoted in the Irish Times
Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.
quoted in Newsweek
25 June 2001
I don't think there is a plot to try to put subliminable messages in the people's minds.
Interview, Orlando Florida
during the presidential campaign
It's an unimaginable honor to be the president during the Fourth of July of this country.
quoted in Newsweek
16 July 2001
I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike. ... I believe we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society. .. And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't worked
In interview with Tim Russert
Meet the Press,
Nov. 21, 1999
It would be presumptive for someone who doesn't even have the nomination yet to be laying out the list of potential vice presidents.
quoted in Austin-American Statesman,
June 24, 1999
There is a lot of speculation and I guess there is going to continue to be a lot of speculation until the speculation ends.
quoted in Austin-American Statesman,
October 18, 1998
< P>
I wouldn't want to say this kind of development makes things to be moving too quickly at all ... so I'm not going to hypothecate that it may — anything goes too fast.
on the fall of the Berlin Wall,
December 17, 1989
Now is no time to speculate or hypothecate, but rather a time for action.
quoted in St. Petersburg Times,
March 22, 1992.
If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything. If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything.
quoted in Austin-American Statesman,
November 2, 2000
That woman who knew I had dyslexia: I never interviewed her.
Interview (unknown)
We have a man detained who is a threat to the country and that thanks to the vigilance of our intelligence gathering and law enforcement he is now off the streets, where he should be.
quoted by Associated Press
June 11, 2002Laura and I don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis.
My education message will resignate amongst all parents.
I want a foreign-handed foreign policy.
quoted in The Bush Dyslexicon
by Mark Crispin Miller
W. W. Norton, 2001

Friday, June 24, 2005


I have never been that fond of Tom Cruise but I have to say, his latest shenanigans about Katie Holmes have creeped me out even more than usual.
Instead of recruiting a "virginal" younger woman to enhance his fan base, then seducing her into Scientology, why doesn't he just come out as a gay man, stop marrying beards and give his money to something more useful than a cult of greedy gobbledygook speakers?
Little bitty men like him need to accept that size doesn't matter, what matters is the size of their hearts. He shouldn't need to avoid accepting middle age by marrying someone young enough to be his daughter. He must be so insecure.
When I see actors like Brad Pitt going to Ethiopia to try to make a difference, then contrast it with little Tom proposing to Lolita at the Eiffel Tower--an incredible cliché-- I just want him to keep his private life private, stop living for publicity and develop a little self-respect.
I would likely have bought tickets to see War of the Worlds and the new Batman movie without the publicity stunts. Now I have to boycott them, just out of principle.
I wasn't wild about Penelope Cruz either, but at least she had the sense to ditch Little Tom and grab up Matthew McConaughey.
Ever wonder why all of Little Tom's chicks end up ditching him?
What about you? Do you think this new TomKat thing is legit?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Spurs Win!!

Well, the poor Motown Pissed-ons lost the finals, making my town's team the NBA champions for the third time in seven years.
But seriously, Motown has a great team.
Just not that great.
I told you to bet money on the Spurs...

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?!"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Political Haiku

Downing Street Memos
Proved Bush is a lying thug
Where is the outrage?

Scotty McClellan's
Mama's running for TX Gov
Psst your son is gay

Bill Frist's a doctor?
Video diagnostics?
What a total crock.

Good-bye PBS
Bush says, "Up your ass, librals"
God, I loathe that jerk!

The CIA chief
He knows where Bin Laden hides?
Go get him then, twit.

Cheney: insurgents
"their back is almost broken"
Cheney, you're insane.

Thirty-five dollars
What it costs to fill gas tank
Thanks, GOP crooks.

Texas Senators
Won't apologize: lynchings
Someone lynch their ass.

Exit strategy?
Why expect a strategy
From this band of kooks?

Napalm in Iraq?
Oh well, just another thing
Bush can lie about.

Hey, it's NEW-klee-ahr
You stupid idiot, Bush
Not NEW-kew-ler, fool.

A message to Bush
Please go on long vacation
Say, for next three years...

Monday, June 20, 2005

All for Only 25¢

Yesterday I took my girlfriend to the deep southside of town, to a flea market that's so much like a Mexican Mercado, you feel you've taken the wrong turn and crossed the border.
At a stall where they sold livestock supplies, they had a large jar filled with water, with a shot glass centered at the bottom.
A crudely lettered sign said, "get a quarter in the shot glass, win a chicken."
Next to the jar was a glass case filled with baby chicks.
As tempting as it was, we passed.
The idea of transporting a live chick in 95º weather on my leather upholstery to a house staffed with two frisky male cats just didn't seem like a good one.
But if any of you want a shot at winning a chicken for a quarter, let me know.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

GOP Frets Over Bush's Political Standing
President's Poll Ratings Sink Amid Worries Over Economy, War

WASHINGTON (June 15) - Fearing that President Bush's political problems may become their own, Republicans in Congress and elsewhere are beginning to yearn for the good old days of seven months ago, when he had somebody to run against.
Voters were worried in November about the economy and the war in Iraq, but they didn't take it out on the incumbent on Election Day. They are now.
Bush's poll ratings are among the worst since he took office, declining in virtually every category since his win over Democratic Sen. John Kerry. From his handling of the economy, foreign policy and the war in Iraq to his job approval rating and voters' assessment of the country's direction, the president's political scores are in serious decline..."

Finally, the electorate is waking up and seeing that Bush is incompetent in every major category.
They have seen that the packaging does not match the content. The Karl Rove Toy Factory has sold us a piece of crap that doesn't work.
For all the years the GOP in the House and Senate rubber stamped the flawed Bush agenda, it's time we pay them back and weed them out come election time.
As I predicted long ago, many GOP weasels in both Houses are distancing themselves from the lame duck, hoping their past sycophantic behavior toward Bush doesn't catch up to them and bite them in the ass when they run for reelection.
But we know by now, the GOP stands for:
Huge deficit spending
Backroom deals with the Saudis and the petroleum industry
Human Rights violations
Christian Fundamentalist extremism

They need to give us our country back and find jobs they are qualified to do, like used car sales, telemarketing and preaching on obscure cable channels.

Monday, June 13, 2005

How Creepy Can Things Get?

There is no justice in California.
If you are wealthy and like to get little boys drunk on wine, then sexually molest them, California is the place you oughtta be.
I am convinced now- the stupidest jurors on Earth can be found in California.
May all the Jackson jurors send their young sons, nephews and grandsons to Neverland Ranch for a big victory sleepover with Michael Jackson.
And if he fucks them, it's on you bunch of idiots.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Africa: Bush vs. Anna

That stupid George W. Bush just doesn't get it.
When Brad Pitt is doing more than the POTUS to help in Africa, something is wrong.
When my best friend Anna has done more for Ethiopia in the past four years than the POTUS has done in his entire life, something is wrong.
Using her own money and time, Anna has set up two computer labs with Internet access for the medical school in Addis Ababa.
She has laid the groundwork for social work programs so that homeless people with loved ones in the hospital can get information about them (doctors won't talk to them).
She has funded AIDS awareness programs and single-handedly set up the nation's first Alcoholics Anonymous program.
She networked and brought together a team of American and European physicians to Addis Ababa to perform the nation's first open heart surgeries, showing Ethiopian doctors how it's done and enabling them to start performing them themselves.
Now she's setting up a charitable, non profit agency called Linking Lives so she can start to make an even bigger impact in Ethiopia and more of Africa.
If one person can do that, imagine what Bush could do with the billions of dollars and thousands of people he has at his disposal to send to nations with needs as dire as Africa's.
But no.
This so-called Christian is not a charitable person.
He's a warmongering fraud, without an altruistic bone in his body.
Like most faux Christians, he talks it but he doesn't walk it.
My best friend has spent tens of thousands of her own money, and month upon month of her own time to help total strangers half a world away.
With people like this living less than a mile away from me, it's no wonder I resent Bush so much.
Bush has proven to be an abysmal person, much less a lackluster president.
Even his lapdog Tony Blair is starting to realize what a dick he is.
Better late than never.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

It Paid Off!

Remember last February when I did standup comedy at a fundraiser for a woman running for City Council? Truth is, I didn't think she stood a chance to win. Her campaign was funded on a shoestring and she entered the race with zero name recognition. But guess what?
She won!
We now have our very first openly gay city council rep.
And this is in Texas, making her win that much sweeter.
At her victory party last night, I told her I wanted a bike path around the little lake that's in her district, about a mile from my house.
She said okay!
I think I'm gonna like having the home number of a city council member.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Shaq Fu, Fatboy!

Yay! The Miami Heat fell to the Motown Pistons last night, eliminating the unpleasant chore of us having to watch that paint hogging, fat bastard Shaquille O'Neil get all the calls in a final series between the Heat and the Western Conference Champions, the San Antonio Spurs.
If you like men's pro basketball even a little, you'll love this year's finals.
The Spurs are the deepest they've ever been, and they play good, fundamental basketball, without a bunch of hot-dogging egotists trying to out-Kobe each other.
Though I like the Piston's Rasheed Wallace, a lovable hothead who used to play for Portland and attract the league's most negative attention from the refs, Motown will lose their title to the Spurs this year.
Go ahead and bet on the Spurs- it's a foregone conclusion.
And remember the name Manu Ginobili--he's out of his mind out on the court.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Supreme Court Rules Against Medicinal Use of Marijuana

"WASHINGTON (June 6) -- Federal authorities may prosecute sick people who smoke pot on doctors' orders, the Supreme Court ruled Monday, concluding that state medical marijuana laws don't protect users from a federal ban on the drug..."

This is what happens when the Supreme Court is stacked with right-wing neo-cons who ignore medical science and react instead to the knee-jerk desires of a few zealous loudmouths who think they have a right to force their moral viewpoints on others.
If people want to use a product that grows out of the soil on their own property, that should be their business. If they want to use it to alleviate the pain caused by serious illnesses, they should be blessed, not prosecuted.
Our phony, lying president has smoked plenty of pot in his day, according to witnesses, and that was for recreational, not medicinal purposes.
I'm sick of the hypocrisy.
What people do in the privacy of their homes is nobody's business, unless it harms others.
I am starting to think anarchy is preferable to theocracy.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Happy National Cancer Survivors Day

Five years ago I spit cancer in the face.
Many of us can make similar claims, and today is the day we can all take a bow.
In a few hours, I'll be doing standup comedy that traces my diagnosis, treatment and recovery from cancer.
I appreciate the encouragement PF readers have given me, so thank you all.
After writing 15 legal pad pages of shtick, I have distilled it down to 10 headlines, written on a single 5x7 page. I'm loose, relaxed and rrrready to rrrrumble.
If you have survived cancer or know someone who has, make a comment below and tell those who may be facing it something encouraging.
Cancer's no longer the death sentence it once was, and today we can all be thankful for that.
Let the celebrations begin!

Friday, June 03, 2005

The Jury is Out

Michael Jackson is on trial for the following counts:

Count 1: Conspiracy to commit child abduction, false imprisonment and extortion
Count 2: Lewd act on a child under 14 (molestation episode alleged by accuser)
Count 3: Lewd act on a child under 14 (molestation episode alleged by accuser)
Count 4: Lewd act on a child under 14 (molestation episode accuser's brother says he witnessed)
Count 5: Lewd act on a child under 14 (molestation episode brother says he witnessed)
Count 6: Attempted lewd act on a child under 14 (accuser's allegation Jackson tried to get the boy to masturbate him)
Count 7: Administering alcohol to enable child molestation (related to Count 2; included lesser offense of furnishing alcohol to a minor)
Count 8: Administering alcohol to enable child molestation (related to Count 3; included lesser offense of furnishing alcohol to a minor)
Count 9: Administering alcohol to enable child molestation (related to Count 4; included lesser offense of furnishing alcohol to a minor)
Count 10: Administering alcohol to enable child molestation (related to Count 5; included lesser offense of furnishing alcohol to a minor)

Michael, we all loved Thriller and let you slide the first couple of times you paid off accusers.
But enough is enough.
You may think you're a boy locked in a man's body, but a boy doesn't stock his castle with porn materials and Bondage Barbies.
You're a popular, talented pedophile, pal.
But you are a pedophile, and that's against the law.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Deep Throat

Back then, we hated Nixon and were thrilled about Deep Throat and his secrets that brought Nixon down. I'm glad the old guy stepped forward to take a bow before he dies.

Nixon was a statesman compared to this sniveling criminal we have in office.
A comedian summed it up on TV recently. He said the "W" in George W. Bush stood for "What the fuck is he doing in office?"

We need a new Deep Throat.