Friday, January 30, 2004

Halliburton: A Handy Guide to How They Have Sodomized American Taxpayers

I know it's hard to come up with random facts during those political water cooler debates at work. As a public service, allow me to offer these handy facts about Halliburton, the company that Dick Cheney used to run before he became vice resident.

Didja know that...

1. ...Cheney still receives deferred compensation from Halliburton, but insists he has "no role in the awarding of contracts"?

2. avoid paying its fair share of corporate taxes, Halliburton has subsidiaries incorporated in such places as the Cayman Islands, Bermuda, Trinidad and Tobago, Panama, Liechtenstein, and Vanuatu? Can you say "corporate tax shelters"?

3. ...Halliburton adamantly denies that its offshore subsidiaries are used to shift income out of the U.S. (but it's indisputable that *somebody* is limiting Halliburton's tax liability).

4. ...When Dick was their CEO, the number of Halliburton subsidiaries registered in tax-sheltered locations ballooned from nine in 1995 to 44 in 1999. The result? A dramatic drop in Halliburton's federal taxes, which fell from $302 million in 1998 to less than zero in 1999. In fact, they got back an $85 million refund '99.

5. ...That same year, Cheney and Halliburton received $2.3 billion in government contracts and another $1.5 billion in government financing and loan guarantees.

6. ...But, let's be fair. Under Cheney, Halliburton did give a little sumfin' sumfin' back to America. They paid $2 million worth of fines for consistently overbilling the Pentagon. Despite all this, the company has continued to be awarded massive government contracts, including a new 10-year deal with the Army that, unlike any comparable arrangement, comes with NO LID on potential costs.

7. ...In the early 90's, when Dick was defense secretary under Dubya's daddy, he hired the Halliburton subsidiary Brown & Root to determine what military functions could be outsourced to private profit-making companies. Brown & Root came up with a ton of ideas in "a classified study" and was handed a lucrative contract to implement its own plan.

8. Dick took over as CEO of Halliburton in 1995, and the defense contracts kept on coming. When he returned to civil service as vice resident in 2001, no firm was better positioned than Halliburton to cash in on the billions of dollars in contracts that resulted from the war on terror and war with Iraq.

9. Halliburton is bound so intimately to the defense establishment, it might as well be an adjunct to the military, but didja know its subsidiaries have done work with countries the U.S. has accused of supporting terror?

10. The Pentagon recently examined allegations that the Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root overcharged the government by $61 million for gas imported into Iraq from Kuwait. They also checked into Halliburton charging $68 each for $12 sheets of plywood. Their excuse? Hey, it's dangerous working in Iraq!

11. Last week the company quietly acknowledged that at least one employee had participated in a $6.3 million kickback deal with a Kuwaiti company. That money has reportedly been repaid to the government.

12. Halliburton is a private, profit-making multinational company with no particular allegiance to the U.S. government, other than the fat contracts they get from the Bush pirates.

13. With Dick at the VP wheel, Halliburton has extraordinary influence over national defense policies. They get no-bid contracts, the contracts they get are sealed under the guise of "national security," and the law makes no provisions to deny contracts to companies that have been proven to defraud the U.S. taxpayers, as evidenced by the fines they've paid for price gouging.

Dick Cheney is not available for interviews and he rarely makes speeches. He hides because he cannot face the questions someone ought to be asking him.
We are getting fucked, folks, and my clairannoyance tells me unless we cry rape, the fucking will get a whole lot worse.
Bush and Dick have already run us $560 billion in debt. If you're keeping score, that's the biggest deficit in American history.

Want to do something about it?
Send in your tax deductible contribution to the Democratic party and mail it to:

Democratic National Committee
c/o James Carville
430 S. Capitol Street SE
Post Office Box 96032
Washington, DC 20090-6032
If you contribute to the DNC, please mention in my comments box that you mailed in a contribution.
Contributors' names will be entered in a drawing to win a vintage lesbian pulp fiction paperback from my personal collection. Even a $5 contribution can help. The prize alone (plus postage) is worth at least $20.
Please enter to win by February 1, 2004. The winner will be announced in early February.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

My New Metaphysics

There a psychic power called clairaudience, which is the power or faculty of hearing something not present to the ear but regarded as having objective reality.
Then there's clairsentience, where people can sense things through feelings.
Add to that clairvoyance, the ability to perceive matters beyond the range of ordinary perception.
I have a new psychic power.
I can tell when I am about to get pissed off at something or someone. It's been tripping off all damn week, starting when I read the New York Times headlines in the morning.
Bush helped me develop this new psychic power. His glibness at telling lies started it.
I am going to develop this clairannoyance ESP and start a little fortune telling business. I can tell people why they are annoyed, and at whom.
Care to test it? Ask me, I'll tell you who annoys you.

Monday, January 26, 2004

WMDs And Bitchy Lesbians

David Kaye, the chief U.S. Weapons Inspector in Iraq said basically that Iraq didn't have jackshit in terms of WMD's.
Now Bush apologists are saying, "Yeah, but we got rid of a terrible dictator and the world is a safer place."
No it's not, you idiots.
Iraq didn't have any meaningful weapons to begin with, so how the hell is the world safer? More Islamics than ever hate our guts since Bush invaded Iraq. The world is more dangerous, with more pissed off Islamics, and they-- not the non-secular Iraqi government--were and are the terrorists.
Meanwhile back in Lesboland, I polled a handful of local lesbians as to their reaction to "The L Word."
The detractors whined that the cast consists of all thin, good looking women.
The same detractors would rather chew their own arms off than date a big, fat lesbian. Hypocrites. Hey, I like buff women, but unlike my theoretically PC friends, I have dated some fabulous fat women. Not too long ago, I was a fabulous fat woman!
Anyway, the obvious explanations were made. No TV series that features adults in ordinary life dramas has big, old or ugly people in it, not as central characters, at least.
The L Word is set in So Cal, so dumpy characters with $5 haircuts would be quite incongruous. Having lived in Southern California myself when I was 5'8" and wore a size 12, I was considered a chunky monkey back in those days.
You'd think lesbians would be thrilled to finally be represented in a high profile Showtime series, but noooooooo, some still bitch.
The detractors should pool their money and produce a lesbian series with some fat old mullet headed dykes, swilling long necks at the local lesbian tavern, then try to sell it to HBO or Showtime.
Last night's episode of The L Word was pretty good. The sexual tension between Marina and Jenny the straight girl is blisteringly hot. Good looking women who love to read and write are lesbian catnip.
What do you think? Is the world safer now that Saddam is gone? Do you think The L Word needs some plain janes to make it more real?
Talk to me.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Bush, Queers and Fundamentalist Christians

I am getting nervous.
The e-mail I am getting indicates that idiot Bush really is willing to push for the first constitutional amendment that actually isolates one group of Americans and discriminates against them.
Of course, I am referring to his threat to amend the United States Constitution and make marriage a contract specifically between men and women, thereby legally banning gays to marry.
Why? Because his zealous right-wing fundamentalist Christians are pushing him to do it in exchange for votes. They say the Bible clearly outlines the rules of marriage.

If that's the case, let those hypocritical Bible thumpers explain THESE Biblical rules:

--Marriage shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women.
(Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

--Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

--A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed.
(Deut 22:13-21)

--Marriage of a believer and a nonbeliever shall be forbidden.
(Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

--Marriage is for life, divorce is not permitted.
(Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9-12)

--If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law.
(Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

--In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him.
(Gen 19:31-36)

There is a separation of church and state for a reason. America is a democracy, not a theocracy.
Bush is stupid, we know, but can he possibly be stupid enough to kowtow to the Christian right-wing and tamper with the Constitution just for votes?
Fuck yes he can!
And we have to stop him.
Spread the word. The legislature will start voting on this in June.
Contact your senators and Congress reps.

Friday, January 23, 2004

Does CBS stand for C-ampaign B-ull S-hit?

During the Super Bowl, CBS plans to run ads for the Bush reelection campaign.
What they have refused to run is the winning ad in Voter Fund's Bush in 30 Seconds ad contest.
CBS refuses to air it. Why? They won't say.
Network television has a tacit obligation to the viewers to present honest programming. If that is assumed, then can't we assume all advertisers should have a right to buy time as long as their ads meet the network's basic criteria for decency?
To check out the ad and ask CBS to air ads like this one, go to: MoveOn ad
If you agree voters have the right to hear both sides, sign the petition.
We can't match the Bush machine for money and power, but we can make ourselves heard, one voice at a time, until the roar is deafening.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

One Pissed Off Blogger

Forget Bush and his evil friends for now.
I am stewing over a personal matter.
Someone I met through my Blog, a frequent Pulp Friction commentator, has spent the last six months or so telling me the most incredible lies and portraying an array of make believe characters online, sucking me into fake online friendships and compelling me to tolerate months of silly, fabricated Internet drama.
Remember Miss Marls, my Blog commentator who died? She was him.
Remember Charlie, her sister? That was him, too.
After "Marls" died, this wingnut brought her back to life and blamed the ruse on Charlie.
"Charlie" and "Marls" were both privacy freaks, with no phone calls allowed.
Why? Because "their sister," who this liar claimed was retired actress Linda Evans, was paranoid about privacy, and her paranoia became a family affair.
Seemed plausible at the time.
This dude was a great liar, able to spend hours perpetrating this incredible hoax. Even when my suspicions mounted early in the ruse, the stories were often so entertaining I allowed them to continue.
Finally, last month I grew tired of the characters he'd created and basically told all of them to fuck off. They were a bunch of drunks, Charlie turned out to be an angry transsexual, and yet another sister was allegedly locked up in a mental hospital.
It was all so ludicrous, it was almost credible.
Recently this liar told me Charlie has appeared in his hometown, lured him to dinner, drugged his drink, dragged him upstairs to her hotel room and tried to fool him into thinking an actor she had hired was his dead lover from 20 years ago.
He said he spent the weekend in the hospital, overdosed from the drug she'd slipped him.

Finally fed-up with his never-ending drama, I demanded proof: telephone numbers from all his made-up characters and receipts from the hospital.
What I got instead was a desperate phone message, saying we needed to talk.
Yeah, as if.
This drama didn't really cost me much, some phone calls, postage and a few exchanged gifts. But it cost me time, emotional concern and some degree of embarrassment for my ultimate gullibility.
This guy knows he's busted and I suspect he knows to get out and stay out of my life.
But it's been a cautionary tale.
And I am pissed off at myself for believing this drama queen, and for making time in my life to accommodate his pathetic fantasy world.
Beware, friends, if an online story seems too incredible to be believed, don't believe it.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Tonight's State of the Union Skit

Tonight the Resident will likely tell us the economy is improving, but he won't mention the still rampant unemployment his policies have created.
He'll say that the capture of Saddam Hussein has helped with the war on terror, but he won't mention Osama Bin Laden, because he doesn't want us to notice
Neither will he mention how Americans are still dying in Iraq, how our thinning military is strained to the max, or that his Department of Homeland Insecurity is still fiddling with the hottest alert colors on their silly little chart.
He may say we are safer now, because he lies.
He'll get around mentioning that his prescription benefit only benefits his rich benefactors who run the pharmaceutical companies.
We know he only serves the wealthy, but he pretends to care about the little people, because he's a liar.
He may talk about Dr. Martin Luther King. He placed a wreath on his grave recently, then hurried to a $2,000 a head fundraising dinner for his reelection
campaign. The 5-minute wreath ceremony made it a state visit, so we taxpayers foot the transportation and lodging bills for him and his cronies to attend his
gala fundraiser. But he won't thank us for financing his ruse in his speech tonight.
He may talk about his love for democracy and how he welcomes dissent.
He won't mention he doesn't read newspapers because he says, "It's all opinion," and he won't mention how the Secret Service forces protesters to meet miles from where the Resident is, so he doesn't have to face hearing their angry cries.
Bush may say a lot of things but we know from last year, we know for a fact, he's a fucking liar. He stares into the camera, smirks his adorable little smirk, then lies.
His "weapons of mass destruction in Iraq" lies became what the Rev. Al Sharpton aptly called his "weapons of mass distraction."
I thought about watching the farce again this year.
But I thought instead I'd do something far more relevant to my own life.
I'm taking a lesbian out to dinner, while it's still legal.

Monday, January 19, 2004

The L Word

I hope some of you saw the new, lesbian based series "The L Word" last night on Showtime. I lllllllloved it! My downstairs lesbian wiring is still humming and twitching, in fact. I have a hunch this show will make straight women who always wondered what being with a lesbian in bed would be like, want to hurry and find out. The show centers on Bette and Tina, a lesbian couple played by Jennifer Beals (Flashdance) and Laurel Holliman, who played the adorable baby butch in the lesbian cult movie, "The Incredible True Adventures of Two Girls in Love." After seven years of being together, they want to have a baby. Seven years equals 15 years in the lesbian-to-straight relationship ratio. The baby thing is getting more common every year in lesbian relationships. In fact, I went to a huge lesbian baby shower over the weekend. Meanwhile, a vast array of all sorts of delicious lesbians have their subplots in the show. A personal favorite was when swelteringly hot cafe owner Marina seduces Jenny, the pretty, straight, recent college grad who just moved to Los Angeles to live with her boyfriend, Tim. Marina made smoke come out of my TV speakers. At least I think it was the speakers, but then my pants and I were sitting pretty close to the TV. Maybe it's just because I am a lesbian, but The L Word is far hotter than "Queer As Folk." The token lesbian couple on QAF are sweet, but they don't make me want to run down the street in search of the first available woman with whom to indulge my newly re-inspired lesbian friskiness. Though the cast lacks some of those scary lesbians you wouldn't want your mom to see you with at the mall, the script and storylines are pretty damned accurate. The cast suits me fine. I never was into mullet heads, stone butches or rodeo girls. The show should be shown on Saturday nights. I can envision having women over to watch it as a weekly mating ritual. I know one thing, it'll inspire more hot lesbian sex than all the soccer tournaments, Melissa Etheridge concerts, HBO Ellen specials and new Good Vibrations catalogues combined. And, as suspected lesbian Martha Stewart would say, that's a good thing. Did you see it?
Tell us your take on it.

Friday, January 16, 2004

Aluminum Hats in Abundance?

I don't know, maybe the left wing reads more, but a look at the New York Times best seller list for nonfiction hard cover books certainly indicates that the non-Bush crowd is gathering steam and speaking bluntly about White House ventriloquist Karl Rove and his hapless puppet, Dubya.
While there are a few best sellers that represent the dark side, I'll let the right-wing Bloggers tell you about them. Suffice it to say, Bill O'Reilly is one of the authors, but even he's been taking potshots lately at Dubya over his inane amnesty for illegals/Vincente Fox ass kissing scheme.

Number one:
"Lies (and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them)" Al Franken's satirical critique of the rhetoric of the right-wing pundits and politicians.

Number two:
"Dude, Where's My Country?" Michael Moore's call for a regime change in Washington.

Number nine:
"Had Enough?" James Carville rips into the GOP and inspires Democrats to get active.

Number thirteen:
"The Funny Thing is" Ellen Degeneris. Big lovable lesbian liberal. Her book's not political but her very presence on the NYT bestseller list is.

Number eighteen:
"Bushwhacked" Molly Ivins. As a revered Texas pundit who knows the shady Bush family history well, Ivins pulls no punches, pushes the envelope and never gets sued for libel.

Number twenty-one:
"Living History" Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Number twenty-six:
"Madam Secretary" Madeleine Albright, our last competent Secretary of State.

Ron Suskind's new book, "The Price Of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House and the Education of Paul O'Neill," hasn't hit the NYT Bestseller list yet, but it will.
Efforts to discredit O'Neill, who served in two other GOP administrations besides this one and enjoyed a respected reputation as CEO of Alcoa Aluminum, seem groundless, shrill and petty.
Suskind is a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and former Wall Street Journal reporter. Hardly wearing a colander on his head, yet the right-wing claims he merged with O'Neill to perpetrate a cruel hoax against the American people. Few had bothered to read the book before reaching that conclusion, but hey, why let a little thing like that cloud their vision?

Stupidity is most amusing when it's this palpable.
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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Hey, It Made Me Send in a Check!

In Tuesday's mail, I got a letter with the name "James Carville" printed in the envelope's upper left corner. That alone made me curious enough to open it. The letter inside was a fundraising masterpiece. I wish I could write as tight and punchy as Carville. It was blunt, accurate and it stirred me to write out a check to the DNC the moment I finished reading it. I hope it has the same effect on you.

Check it out:

(James Carville letterhead)

Dear Karen Zipdrive,

It is time for a few words that too many people in Washington are afraid to say.

If we give this Bush crew four more years in the White House to do their dirty work, we won't recognize the America they created.


Faster than you can say "tax breaks for the wealthy," they turned huge budget surpluses into historic budget deficits. They've sat on their hands as American families have watched billions of dollars vanish from their hard-earned savings and retirement accounts.
Democrats created 20 million jobs in eight years. But over 2 million Americans have lost their jobs since George W. Bush started mismanaging our economy.


They're trying to wreck Medicare. They are telling people that to get the drug benefits they need, they have to abandon Medicare as we know it and leave their fate to a faceless HMO. Then they pass a drug benefit, backed by the prescription drug companies because it is guaranteed to keep drug prices sky high.


Remember when America was a respected ideal for nations around the world?
Not anymore.

When the other nations of the world reached a historic agreement to reduce global warming, Bush told them to shove it. He broke our agreements controlling military defenses. His administration is imposing a gag rule on global HIV/AIDS funding- no money to fight AIDS for organizations that dare to tell women the whole truth about family planning.

And they wonder why America has become an object of contempt around the world.


They craft a plan to let polluters off the hook and call it their "Clear Skies " initiative.
They clear the way for timber companies to destroy our public lands and call it their "Healthy Forests" plan. They call their new law protecting high prices for prescriptions a "drug benefit."

They say we can't pass our problems on to the next generation, then they create budget deficits that pour red ink all over our children's futures.

They talk about racial equality, then they appoint judges with abysmal records on civil rights.

Now we find ourselves in Iraq, with Americans dying every day. The president told us we needed war because he had evidence of a nuclear weapons program. But now they admit the evidence never existed at all.

How many reasons do you need to want to do something to replace this administration and give Americans the future we deserve?
If you have had enough, then you don't have to wait to take your stand.

Sit down, right now, and write the most generous check you can afford to support the Democratic National Committee.

Giving to the Democratic National Committee is one way every Democrat can help win the next presidential election and help restore decency and common sense to the White House.

Even if we stood no chance of beating those guys in the upcoming elections, we'd owe it to ourselves to fight them tooth and nail.

But, we can defeat them and this time, we can win so convincingly that even the Supreme Court can't bail them out.

But to win this election, your Party needs you. This election will be decided by contributions of $25, $50 and $100.

If we are going to win this election, it's up to you now. There are no more excuses to make. The choice is yours.

You can sit on your hands and watch the Bush campaign raise 250 million dollars to fund a vicious, relentless attack on our presidential nominee. Or you can stand and fight.

You can watch them rob Social Security to fund more tax cuts for the rich, privatize Medicare and wreck the environment. Or you can decide you've had enough of government of, by and for the wealthy and well-connected.

You can give George W. Bush four more years to shape a Bush Supreme Court that will set limits on our democracy for decades to come. Or you can take the power to name Supreme Court Justices out of his hands.

It's time to draw a line in the sand. Time to get mad and to get active.

I've been there. I ran Bill Clinton's presidential campaign in 1992- a campaign no one thought he could win.

I know we can defeat George W. Bush this year. But only if Democrats like you will stand up and be counted. And only if Democrats like you send the small donations it will take to pay for a successful presidential campaign.

So quit complaining, Start contributing. Let's join together now to send Bush an eviction notice and change our future in America.

James Carville

P.S. So send in your check. Then, let's take it to these guys. Like Harry Truman said, "We won't give 'em hell. We'll just tell the truth and it will feel like hell."

To send in your tax deductible contribution, make the check out to DNC and mail it to:
Democratic National Committee
c/o James Carville
430 S. Capitol Street SE
Post Office Box 96032
Washington, DC 20090-6032
A note from Karen Zipdrive:
If this letter moved you to contribute to the DNC like it did me, please mention that you mailed in a contribution in my comments. ALL Contributors' names will be entered in a drawing to win a vintage lesbian pulp fiction paperback from my personal collection. Even a $5 contribution can help.
Please enter to win by January 31, 2004. The winner will be announced in early February.
Let's get started throwing Bush out of office, friends. It's time to put our money where our mouths are.

(and please feel free to reprint Carville's letter on your Blogs, or e-mail forwards of his letter to your friends)

Monday, January 12, 2004

News Haikus

"Paul O'Neill lied!" Bush said
"I only hire liars,"
"So that's how I know."

Neil Bush was a crook
George was jealous of his skills
Now he's just as good

Nixon and Agnew
Famous Oval Office crooks
Dick and Bush? Same thing.

Gee, who would have guessed
Paul O'Neill turned out to be
A Taliban spy!

I'll bet old Karl Rove
Is up late tonight, working
his paper shredder

Hillary Clinton
Bush makes your Whitewater thing
Look like romp in park

It's at times like this
Gosh, it's so hard not to sing
"I told you so" song

Bob Dole is so pissed
All he has left of career?
Viagra hard-on.

Dubya's Daddy, George
Seen at courthouse on Monday
Changing name to Smith

Barbara Bush is
Prolly scowling at husband
Blames his genes for sons

To save them money
I propose Saddam and Dubya
Share one trial lawyer

Karma's not instant
But sooner or later I
knew Bush would get his
And I Thought the Mars Thing Was Bad!

Just as the high of hearing about Dubya's trillion dollar spaceship to Mars scam was starting to mellow, along comes former Secretary of the Treasury Paul O'Neill to make my weekend complete.
By now, everyone's probably read or heard about O'Neill's shocking revelations concerning Bush, his cabinet and advisors, in a new book written by Ron Suskind called, "The Price of Loyalty."
Finally, someone in the Bush inner circle had the courage to disagree with many of the administration's policies. Dick Cheney fired him two years into his tenure for rocking the boat.
Bush and Dick apparently cannot tolerate dissension from the inner circle. O'Neill was featured on Sunday in a candid interview on the CBS newsmagazine, "60 Minutes."
Citing official documents, agendas, memos, meeting minutes and other sources (which were authenticated by high ranking White House officials), O'Neill confirmed what many of us have been speculating about Bush since the Supreme Court first appointed him president.

Here's a recap of O'Neill's statements, made to various news media representatives.

-Removing Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq was a top priority for the Bush clan. Planning his overthrow began *within days* of the inauguration, and was the main item on the agenda for Dubya's first National Security Council meeting. O'Neill said Bush kept repeating to his cabinet, "Find a reason for me to take him (Saddam) out. Just find me any reason, as soon as possible." Yep. This is the same guy who campaigned about his intentions to stop U.S. government involvement in nation building.
-The plan to invade Iraq and overthrow Saddam was in place a full eight months before the 9/11 attacks. Documentation verifies that.
-Though Bush told the American public that war with Iraq was an immediate necessity because Saddam possessed weapons of mass destruction and posed an imminent threat to America, O'Neill said, "In the 23 months I was there, I never saw anything that I would characterize as evidence of weapons of mass destruction. There were allegations and assertions by people...To me, there is a difference between real evidence and everything else.''
-O'Neill said Bush balked at the treasury secretary's aggressive plan to combat corporate crime after a string of accounting scandals, because Bush said he did not want to face opposition from his "corporate crowd" constituency.
-O'Neill said he tried to warn Dick Cheney that growing budget deficits -- expected to top $500 billion this fiscal year alone -- posed a threat to the economy. Cheney cut him off. ''You know, Paul, Reagan proved deficits don't matter.'' Then Dick added, ''We won the midterms (congressional elections). This is our due.''
-During a cabinet meeting, even Dubya himself questioned the fairness of the second tax cut, saying, "The first tax cut already helped the rich people, shouldn't this one help the middle class a little more?" His handler Karl Rove immediately cut in and started chanting, "Stay on point, stay on point, stay on point," much like a dog obedience trainer would correct a naughty German Shepherd pup.
-During O'Neill's first one-on-one meeting with Bush to discuss crucial treasury matters, he said Bush made no statements, asked no questions and showed virtually no curiosity or interest in the topic.
-Bush apologist Republican Rep. Mark Foley of Florida accused O'Neill of taking ''a Shakespearean approach to advance his career and his book sales.
However, O'Neill was not paid for his participation in Suskind's book, so Foley's claim can be added to the ever growing, steaming pile of Republican bullshit. The decidedly pissy Foley said of O'Neill, "Not since Julius Caesar have I seen such a blatant stab in the back. Et tu, Mr. O'Neill?''
Foley apparently joins the ranks of Republicans who have forgotten that Bush is a president, not an emperor, and that America is a democracy, not a monarchy.

If O'Neill made these allegations without documentation or corroboration by high ranking White House officials, the GOP would predictably fall into their standard mode of sidestepping accountability that I like to call, "Deny, deny, discredit and deny." O'Neill's credentials prior to his appointment as director of one of the cabinet's most powerful departments will belie the GOP's inevitable claims that he was somehow incompetent.
Before he was dragged into the Bush administration, he was CEO of Alcoa.

So, let me lay it out for the Barcode set.

O'Neill has backed up all his claims, and he pegged Bush and his clan for the liars and snakes they are.
Ashcroft is in cahoots with the Bush clan, so he's out.
It's time to appoint a special prosecutor and launch an in-depth investigation.
And this time, it won't be about an intern and couple of two-bit blowjobs.

Mark my words, O'Neill's courageous defiance against Bush and his corrupt administration will encourage others to come forward and add more charges to this disgraceful administration's pile of self-serving lies, crimes and treasonous acts.
But let's face it, they won't be doing do it for altruistic or patriotic reasons.
These types will be lining up to spill their guts in exchange for prosecutorial immunity.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

About Last Night, or
Just Leave the Fifty on the Dresser, Condaleezza

I went to my favorite party of the year on Saturday night.
Hosted by a very sweet lesbian couple whom I've known professionally and socially for more than a decade, their guest list always includes a ton of reporters, editors, photographers and others in the journalism field.
Because my field of journalism deals with public relations and the corporate side of the profession, I was eager to hear what the media journalists had to say about the hijinx in the Bush administration.
Needless to say, the hot topic was that idiot Dubya's new, trillion dollar Mars scam.
I felt comforted that even my wildest theories about the reasons for Dubya's ridiculous new scheme were shared by virtually everyone I chatted with last night.
The consensus was, the plan appears to be an ill-timed, blatant attempt by Bush to generate huge government contracts for his heavy contributing, war lovin' buddies in the defense and aerospace industries.
Even the non journalists were appalled that Bush thinks launching a trillion dollar plan to gather dirt from Mars is more important than spending money on issues like fitting all domestic airports with state of the art screening technology and legitimately trained security personnel, increasing affordable health insurance for more Americans, funding for more medical research, education and other domestic necessities Bush has ignored.
I was so fired up last night, I didn't even remember to cop a buzz.
For some reason, this trillion dollar Mars scam has outraged me even more than the lies Bush told about the WMD's, which dragged us into a war.
The absurdity of the plan, combined with the sheer gall Bush had to propose such a superfluous waste of tax dollars after his inept budget plans had already produced record deficits, just shows how the lemmings who believe all his lies, fear tactics and fake patriotism have emboldened him.
During an especially spirited discussion headquartered in the living room, Henry, a lovely man I met, thought I was joking when I said Exxon had named an oil tanker after Condaleezza Rice.
Even with a couple of reporters there to verify my claim, Henry bet me $50 that Exxon did not have a Condaleeza-named tanker.
I virtually leaped over the coffee table to shake on the bet.
Immediately, Vincent, a reporter who was sitting with us, whipped out his cell phone and called Laura, another reporter who was still on duty who'd be joining us soon. He asked her to Google, then print out some evidence of the Good
Ship Condie's existence, and bring it with her to the party.
Laura arrived within the hour with the proof.
Henry forked over $50 cash, and refused to accept a rebate I offered him for his graciousness in honoring the bet.
Henry is married to a journalist, so he hasn't been closely following the outrageous shenanigans of Dubya and his team of weasels. In fact, for a Boston Democrat, Henry seemed to kind of like Bush when the conversation first started.
By the time the rest of us finished clueing him in, he was appropriately outraged.

That's what it's going to take to get Bush thrown out, my friends, mano a mano education and relentless persuasion.

We Americans who have seen through the manipulative, dishonest misrepresentations and fear tactics Bush has used to further the selfish agendas of his elite peer group, MUST take every opportunity to enlighten our fellow American voters.
For Texans who oppose Bush, the task of exposing him as the fraud he is to complacent, uninformed Texas voters can be compared with trying to piss up a rope.
But...the rest of you stand a better chance of helping your state's electoral votes go *anywhere* but the Bush column. Get the word out!
America just can't handle the strain of four more years of Dubya's petty fiefdom.
Can I get an amen on that?

Friday, January 09, 2004

Dubya's Excellent New Plan

The budget surplus is gone, we are in a war we have neither the money nor sufficient military personnel to cover, unemployment is still rampant, old folks are being screwed into accepting rip-off HMO's, our freedom and rights to privacy have never been so jeopardized by Big Brother's "national security" excuse... so what does Bush do?

What crazy scheme can he possibly come up with next to line the pockets of his handlers?

First, picture yourself as a fly on the wall of the Oval Office.

Bush is seated at his big desk, playing with a little statue of Saddam he keeps knocking over, then giggling about. Seated around him are Dick Cheney, various key Cabinet members, Condie "Exxon" Rice, Karl Rove, Daddy Bush, and several CEO's of U.S. corporations that make their money from U.S. military, aerospace, construction and other government contracts.

Cheney: Mr. President, on behalf of Halliburton, I want to thank you for protecting our national security by allowing my "former company," (everyone snickers) to provide top grade materials in that no-bid contract to rebuild Iraq.

Bush: Well, thank ya, Dickie Boy. And I gotta tip my hat to Rummie and Ashie over there (he points at them with the little statue's head) who came up with that bit about hiding the contract details from the folks out there. That "national security" thing was, well, it really resignated with the people.

Rumsfeld: Thank you, Sir. But you know, now that Dick has wet Halliburton's beak, I have some compadres in the aerospace business who sure did contribute a lot to your campaign. They are gettin' antsy. And you have 2004 to think about, Sir.

Bush: Aren't they getting enough action with all them heliocopters we keep crashin' over in Iraq?

Rumsfeld: Well, sir, a few Blackhawks here and a few Apaches there are fine, but goddamn, Dick's Halliburton people are charging the gov $80 for a piece of quarter inch plywood and selling them regular unleaded gas for $6.50 a gallon. And that Baghdad zip code thing we're setting up, holy bejeezus, that'll net Dick another couple billion. My aerospace pals want in on some of that serious dinero, Sir.

Karl Rove: Mr. President, do you like riddles?

Bush: Now Karl, don't try to be subliminabable with me- say what you need to say. Don't make me retort to guessing at riddle jokes. This group in this office meeting here right now, many of us whom are very educated, are not in riddle joke moods, so let's set a more seminal tone that makes the pie higher.

Karl Rove: Certainly, Sir. In that case, let me be clear and mention that Rummy's friends make a lot more than helicopters. Can you guess what else these aerospace companies make?

Bush: Well, the name says 'aerospace,' so I guess that would include arrows and those space heaters that we use at the hunting lodge, right, Dad?

George H.W. Bush: Oh fer Chrissakes, son, aerospace companies make rocket ships! That's where they make their big money. And who buys rocket ships?

Bush: Well, I think that kid from the Backstreet Boys wanted to get him one, otherwise the dang things are so expensive the only ones who can afford them are---Heyyy, wait, I have a idea!

Everyone else (leaning forward, looking excited): What's your idea, Sir?

Bush: Well, why don't we give Rummie's aerospace honcho friends something they can really cash in on? We can send a dad-gummed rocket ship to Mars! How much you figure the gas alone would cost for a trip to Mars, Rummie?

Rumsfeld: Sir, the trip from Earth to Mars is so great a distance, it would take six months just to get there. It would take at least 15 years for the industry to do the R & D for a trip to Mars. Mars? My goodness, Sir.

Bush: The aerospace guys do that black people music?

Rumsfeld: Sir?

Bush: Yeah, that R&D music, you know, like that gay guy, Marvin, who heard it thru the grapevine before his Daddy up and killed him?

Rumsfeld: Oh, right! Yes Sir, we will have to budget in extra funding for music, because those rocket scientists love to listen to music while they do the RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT required to make a spacecraft that can reach all the way to Mars.

Bush: Karl, what do you figure a trip to Mars'll cost? I mean, including the pit stops for munchies, the gas, the cell phone bills, you know, the computer Internet thingies, you know, the works?

Karl Rove: Oh, I'd say we could prolly get us a rocket up on Mars for maybe a trillion or so.

Bush: Well, hell, that's a lot less than I thought. I was thinking it'd be a billion or more. Rummie, will your compadres settle for a trillion?

Rumsfeld: Oh my goodness, I think if I explain it to them, about the budget and all, Yes Sir, I think a trillion would generate a lot of grateful rocket scientists. And they are big Bush supporters, Sir. They already think you're the cat's meow, and I agree with Karl, a trillion dollars would give them their fair quota of the pie.

Bush: What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Everyone else: So it's a done deal, then, Sir?

Bush: When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there. And if they are already up there on Mars, I think we better get a move on and beat them to the punch. We need an American space ship on Mars first. We need to get our flag stuck in there first, that's for sure. Not to mention, we need to putt the first golfball in Mars. I mean, imagine the look on that bastard Bin Laden's face when he sees us putting in the first golfball on Mars, and it's red, white and blue and all? The ball, I mean. He knows those colors don't run! He knows, all right... Hmm, lemme think a minute... Okay, I'll fly down to NASA in Houston next week. Dad's country club in Houston has Catfish Wednesdays, and I can announce America's trip to Mars, then get me some catfish and kill two stones with one bird. I mean, they call space rockets "birds" sometimes, don't they?

Rumsfeld: Yes Sir, they do. And I have a hunch that bird mission to Mars might just be named after a certain President. We can call it the Bush Mars Mission!

Bush: (Throwing little statue to the floor angrily) Why name it after Daddy? It was my gol-derned idea!

George H. W. Bush: Okay son, you got us there. You're right. We'll name it the Dubya Mars Mission. How about that, Son? Would you like to see your name on a rocket ship?

Bush: Whooo- eee! Daddy, I knew I was gonna like this job! Just think, that baby'll land on Mars and the first thing those Martians will read is MY name. Yeah. This is what I call a win/win situation. Condie? Can you write me up a blurp I can say at NASA and announce the Dubya Mars Mission?

Condaleezza Rice: Yes, Sir. And don't worry, I'll make it brief. We've all learned the fewer details we give the American public, the better. We gotta remember- too many details are bad for...? (Cups her hand to her ear)

Everyone else but Condie: NATIONAL SECURITY!!! (group laughter)

Bush: Okay, then! This meeting is adjudicated! I'll catch y'all later. All this aerospace planning has made me hungry! Heyyy, I wonder if the chef has any... Mars Bars?

(Group Laughter...)

As the group files out of the Oval Office, Rumsfeld elbows Rove in the ribs.

Rumsfeld (to Rove): "A trillion? At least it ain't a billion?" What a MAROON!

Karl Rove: "How much GAS would it take," he asked! Bwahahahahaha! I TOLD you this would be a fun assignment, Don!

Rumsfeld: Okay, well, now that we have the funding for Mars (snicker) Condie's gonna want her Exxon/Mobil submarine that can plunge to the depth of the deepest sea...

Karl Rove: Yeah let's ask him for two and tell him we can call them, "the U.S.S. Jenna and Barbara!"
Rumsfeld: Brilliant!

Rove and Rumsfeld: (Dissolve in laughter, high five each other and skip to their waiting limos).

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Discovery of the Year

So many important discoveries and inventions have changed our lives.
Personal computers, the Internet, cell phones, ATM's- all have helped us become more efficient, happier human beings.
But this year, the prize goes to the Popsicle Company, for introducing sugar free CreamSicles. Sweetened with natural tasting Splenda, they come in cherry, berry and classic orange, and are a paltry 20 calories each.
I saw them at the store for the first time today and bought two cartons, which contain 20 per carton.
Life is good again.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

A Letter From the President

Dear Mexican Illegals:

If you get your tio and tia who were borned here to vote for me, I can let you stay here and make a legal minimum wage at some shit job for three years. By then I will have already gotten all your Mexican American relatives' votes, so you can take your illegal butts back to Mexico with a few legal pesos americanos in your pockets.
(Special note to Chuy, Chato, Jesus, Pancho and Josefina out at the ranch in Crawford- I told y'all I'd fix it for y'all!)

Con regardos buenos,
Jorge W. Arbusto
el presidente de los estados unidos
y el mentidoso grande

Good Thing He's Not a Plumber

When it was first reported that a "senior Bush Administration official" had leaked the name of undercover CIA operative Valerie Plame, Dubya said, in his usual succinct way, "I'd like to know who leaked, and if anybody has got any information inside our government or outside our government who leaked, you ought to take it to the Justice Department so we can find out the leaker. I have told my staff, I want full cooperation with the Justice Department."
But when the Justice Department asked the White House staff to sign forms that could definitively expose the leaker, Dubya backed off on his alleged
commitment to finding the leaker.
The Washington Post reported that the White House "declined to say Monday whether President Bush thinks his aides should sign the forms that would release reporters from any pledges of confidentiality."
Of the Resident's stonewalling, White House spokes-liar Scott McClellan dismissed any inquiries, saying, "That's asking a specific question about matters that should be directed to the career officials at the Department of Justice."
That's a pretty sharp contrast to his previous comments attempting to specifically absolve noted Bush puppetmaster Karl Rove, the Vice President's Chief of
Staff Scooter Libby, and National Security Council official Eliot Abrams, from any responsibility for the leak.
McClellan managed to keep a straight face and added, "No one wants to get to the bottom of this more than the President does."
Sure, he does. Three months ago, Dubya refused to ask his staff to sign the same release form to minimize the investigation's cost and potential damage to national security.
Let's get real. Bush just wants this to go away.
He wants to file it in the, "Where's Bin Laden, crooked Enron pal Ken Lay, Halliburton scandal, etc., file of forgotten Bushian boners."
Let's make it simple for the appointed dimwit: Hey Dubya, if you get your staff to sign confidentiality waivers, the truth can be found and the leaker'll be caught almost immediately.
You said you wanted that, didn't you, Mr. Resident?
Note: Identifying CIA operatives is a federal crime and a form of treason.
Where is that idiot Attorney General John Ashcroft now?
Feh. One more reason to feel contempt for this bunch of criminals.

Monday, January 05, 2004

Blogs n' Ends

-Who among us doesn't think Britney Spears got so fucked up in Vegas she hauled off and married that childhood friend of hers?
-According to Fortune Magazine, Smucker's, Starbucks, The Container Store and The Scooter Store are among the Top 100 places to work in America. America's most admired companies include Walmart, Southwest Airlines, Dell Computer and Starbucks (again).
-That crook who shot Kinks' legend Ray Davies in New Orleans needs to be tried in Texas and dealt with accordingly. That bastard just shouldn't have be shooting at a retired Kink.
-I've been off beef since the Canucks sent us Mad Cow disease. I've tried to pretend I forgot, but even the idea of eating a slim beef taco makes my stomach start to lurch.
-On Tuesday, I start back in with my personal trainer, Willie, every other day until one of us dies. I tried to do it on my own and I didn't gain any weight, but my muscle tone doesn't make me want to walk around naked anymore. I do, however, have a brand new Pilates ball taking up a lot of space in my living room.
-The Army is forcing 7,000 soldiers stationed in Iraq, Afghanistan and Kuwait to keep from opting out of military duty, once they fulfill their contractual
obligations or reach their retirement dates, by means of a Stop Loss Order. Even if they want to quit, too bad. I bet they didn't know about that loophole
when they enlisted.
-Pete Rose finally admitted he bet on baseball games four or five times a week when he was in the business. He admitted it in his autobiography, in hopes
that his 14 years of lying about it won't keep him from the Hall of Fame. He said he would have sought help, "but there were no fancy rehab centers for gamblers like baseball had for drug addicts." I guess Gamblers Anonymous wasn't fancy enough for that clown.
-Consumer debt in the U.S. has more than doubled in the last 10 years. I think it's because Caller ID has made it so much easier to dodge bill collectors.
-Sunday in San Antonio we were able to wear shorts and T-shirts outside. On Monday, I had to wear silks under my clothes to keep from freezing my ass off. I am confused.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

When Best Laid Blog Plans Go Awry

I just wrote the perfect year-end recap, chronologically sticking it to Bush and his crooked pals in all the right places.
During AOHell spell check, my computer froze. I had to push the little button on the side of my computer and reboot.
My perfect recap was lost to cyberspace, and I'm not going to rewrite it.
Oh well, let's just hope 2004 is a better year for America.
Happy New Year to all, and may God bring wisdom to the brainwashed lemmings who think leadership funded by corporate criminals and the right wing Fundamentalist Christian coalition is just fine and dandy.
Work to throw Bush out of office. We can't afford four more years of this jackass.