Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Arrogant Turd

Say what you will about Donald Trump (including calling him an arrogant turd) but this season's Celebrity Apprentice is a must-watch.
Why? Because Trump has assembled a group of dysfunctional has-beens and almost-weres that nobody could have matched.
Who knew Dionne Warwick was such a snide, hateful old bitch?
Who knew Gary Busey was even crazier and more brain damaged than anyone thought?
Who knew Atlanta Housewife NeNe Leakes was slightly taller and lots more masculine than Wilt Chamberlain?
Who knew Meatloaf had a temper that scared me almost right off my couch?
Who knew Jose Conseco had more tics than a Timex?
It's a trainwreck, I tell you, and it's worth watching.
And if my prediction is right, Star Jones will win the title. Yes, Star Jones is one of the more likable celebrities on the show. And I don't like her.

Monday, March 28, 2011

We Have a Winner!

Though all the suggestions were particularly horrible, when my cousin submitted this video of this song, I couldn't resist.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Announcing the Next Zipdrive Music Challenge!

Name your least favorite song & provide a link if possible.
Here's mine:

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

My Adventures With French Movies

Without rehashing my recent TV woes, I've been squeezing Netflix to death in terms of watching as many of their French movies as my eyes and ears will allow.
It all started innocently--I wanted to see on film places in Paris I've been before so I can reminisce.
Even if it's a movie that's set in the 1700's, most of the buildings still look the same, and the Parisian attitude never changes.
But I have noticed things about French movies, that no matter what the genre or era, they are always the same.
Here are some of the similarities in almost every movie:
-People are always nude and/or having sex
-Someone is cheating on someone else
-There's usually a piano at some point in the movie
-They love to break into song no matter what the genre
-They always take one sip of their tiny coffee cups and put it down
-The males love their mothers way too much
-The young, pretty females don't mind having sex with ugly old men
-Someone is always heartbroken and staring out through a rainy window
-Bitchy old women always sip bright red wine out of tiny stemware
-They all make a lot of noise when they reach orgasm
-Something emotionally draining always happens in a noisy bar or club
-Someone is always broke and someone is always filthy rich
-Everyone owns a cat
-All flats are one room with windows facing the noisy streets below
-All beds are narrower than double beds but wider than twin beds
-Everyone drinks, all the time, at all hours
-You never see anyone actually eating pastry
-The Eiffel Tower has to appear at least 10 times per movie
-The Seine River is always where stabbing victims are thrown
-Men are always barging in on women while they alone in churches
-Starring actors all end up talking to each other on their cell phones while they're within sight of one another
-The males are always dark haired, skinny and very hairy
-Isabelle Huppert always plays a repressed pervert
-Gerard Depardieu is in every movie ever made in or about Paris
-Nobody ever has a clean, new car
-Everyone gets into heated arguments or kissing scenes in the metro
-The more handsome the male lead, the bigger bastard he plays
-The prettier the female lead, the worse taste she has in men
-Only the women have regular dental visits
-Nobody at any point is modest about stripping nude, regardless of age or size
-Nobody has boob jobs or nose jobs
-Everyone smokes and nobody is allowed to comment on it
-Everyone prefers Marlboro Lights over any other brand

I could easily make a French movie that could win at Cannes.
Penniless boy meets rich girl. Boy cheats on girl. Girl gets even by cheating with the boy's father. Boy cries to his mother, who French kisses him to cheer him up.
Boy and girl end up naked in bed when father and mother are around and get caught. Nobody acts surprised or indignant. Everyone has a drink and smokes a Marlboro Light while they quietly snap at each other. The father brings out a pot of steaming rabbit stew he just made and they all act like it's delicious.
It's raining outside as they all look out at the Eiffel Tower.
The girl starts to sing and the rest of them sing back to her.
Then the girl stabs the boy's mother to death, transports her body in her Mini Cooper and throws her into the Seine.
Then they all go to the father's big house in the country, where they lounge around smoking and drinking wine while the maid plays piano. The maid is also the father's mistress.
The next morning, the son gets caught screwing the maid.
-the end-

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

And the Winner Is...

I love this song because it brings back a great memory.
About 15 years ago I was involved with a classical musician who lived in Massachusetts.
While we were falling in love, she stopped along a snowy road one afternoon and called me long distance to play me this song from her car.
Ultimately, things didn't work out for us, but we remained friends and I always think of her whenever I hear this song.