If Lassie Was a Cat

Ruh Ro



Hurricane Alex is supposed to be hitting the Texas Gulf sometime this evening, bringing with it 175 per hour winds.
If anyone thinks the hurricane's devastation will not be impacted by the BP spill, they are nuts.
It's not raining in San Antonio quite yet, but the air is thick and soupy, and I can tell all hell's going to break loose before long. There's already a flood advisory warning in place.
Yikes.

Happy Birthday, Barry



My late husband and best friend would have turned 56 today. He's been gone since 1989 and I still think about him every day.
If you love someone who's still alive, tell them.

Way To Ruin My Day, Sonic




I try to avoid fast food joints as much as I can, but yesterday afternoon it was so hot and muggy I developed a serious craving for a giant Sonic diet cherry limeade.
Once I pulled into the Sonic, I realized I'd forgotten to eat lunch, so I decided to order a #1 hamburger. It's just a simple burger with a bun, a little mayo, lettuce, tomato and a burger patty.
So I get my order and drive home.
I took the burger out of the wrapper and put it on a plate.
Then I sat down and bit into it.
Turns out they gave me a double meat/double cheeseburger with a huge glob of mustard instead of a little mayo and a ton of jalapenos mired in the cheese glop.
WTF?
Who eats a burger that gross?
It was too hot to drive back and complain, so I ended up trashing it and making a bowl of Raisin Bran instead.
Now Sonic is officially on my no-fly list, except for huge diet cherry limeades.
Feh.

Obama's Big Leadership Test



By now everyone has likely heard about Gen. Stanley McCrystal's interview with Rolling Stone Magazine, where he said some disparaging things about the president, the VP and others.
If Obama, the Commander in Chief, tolerates this blatant insubordination without firing this weasel, then he's proven that he's too spineless to lead this nation--especially while there are wars in progress.
Even when Bush 43 was president, he was still commander in chief. I doubt he would have tolerated McChrystal's candor.
What do you think?

It's Not Rocket Science, People



I always have at least two kinds of cereal on hand, so I'm a bit of an authority on the dynamics of cereal box packaging.
Most of us know the flimsy little closure tab on top of the box is worthless, especially when the box bulges when you have to roll the top of the inner bag to keep things fresh.
My burning question is this: why can't the cereal companies use a Ziplock to close the inner bag? How much more could it possibly cost the cereal companies, when it's obvious the cereal would keep much longer and make consumers happier?
Besides, we all know they'd pass on the extra cost to the consumer, so what's the problem?
Sheesh!

Bad Genes=Bad Judgment



Miley Cyrus is a teenaged whore.
She's from a white trash family and she's just one molecule away from posing for Hustler magazine.
So...Perez Hilton posts a pic of her naked beaver as she's exiting a car, and he's facing jail for that?
Cyrus has publicly humped a stripper pole, released a particularly trashy video of her white trash song, "I Can't be Tamed" and she's living with her boyfriend right under the noses of her "parents," yet we are expected to have the media treat her like a virginal young maiden?
If she's that delicate, you'd think she'd consider wearing panties under her micro minis. Panties? You know, undergarments worn by those of us who were not raised by wolves?
Mark my words, Miley Cyrus is about one 8-ball short of being Courtney Love.
Perez Hilton should perhaps be punished for pollution, but not for kiddie porn.

It's Too Damn Hot.



It's only 88 degrees in San Antonio, but the humidity is at 53 percent.
Any humidity more than 50 percent is cloying, exhausting and crazy-making.
My house and car stay around a comfy 70 degrees, but getting to and from them is like stepping into a sauna.
Any little task, from taking out the trash to bringing in groceries results in profuse sweating, damp clothes and massive irritability.
As it is I tend to get easily annoyed, but on humid days like this my fuse is about 1/8th of an inch long.
This weather is like wearing a hair shirt while locked in a parked car with the windows up in a Walmart parking lot.
I've been thinking how miserable it must be to be working along the Gulf Coast, picking up oil patties and saturated birds and turtles in the hot sun and humidity.
I'm thrilled that Obama has strong-armed BP into putting $20 billion in an escrow account. People like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann are balking at the idea, proving once and for all whose side they're on.
Bitches like that are even harder to tolerate when I'm hot and sweaty.
The only good thing about this time of year is the ready availability of cherries and watermelon, not to mention friends who have swimming pools.
Otherwise, Summer can shove it.

Sometimes...



...the best thing to do is take a nice, long nap.

Extra Fruit Sensations Gum: Horrors!



I use sugar-free gum as a adjunct to Nicorette.
Most gum tastes like crap unless it's peppermint flavor, but I like to experiment with other flavors just to change things up.
Today I bought a pack of Extra Fruit Sensations gum in Sweet Tropical flavor. The pack shows an illustration of sliced oranges, grapefruit and pineapple.
On the pack, there's a splat that says "Tastes Like Real Fruit."
No, it doesn't.
It tastes like the same kind of chemicals they use in off-brand floor cleaners, room deodorizers and dollar-store votive candles.
I usually give products I dislike to my neighbor, who loves anything as long as it's free. But this time, I'm throwing the rest of this gum in the trash. If I tried to give it to the neighbor, I'm pretty sure she'd be offended.
I don't care if I'm wasting the 99 cents it cost me.
It's just too horrible to give away.

Someone Needs to STF up



If Elisabeth Hasselbeck says Obama's not doing enough about the BP oil spill one more time I think my ears will start bleeding.
This neo-con reality star knows nothing about the subject.
Or maybe she thinks Obama should put on a hazmat suit and start cleaning pelicans.
When she started up on this topic on The View this morning, the others just shut her down and changed the subject.
She's an idiot...they should have slapped her upside the head.

An Open Letter to BP



We the undersigned wish to thank British Petroleum (BP) for moving to the head of the line in the media and taking the focus away from us.
Your selfless deeds have assisted us in restoring our lives back to normal, and for that we are grateful.

Signed,
Goldman Sachs
Toyota
Tiger Woods
Jesse James
Charlie Sheen
The Real Housewives of NY & NJ
Kendra Wilkinson Baskett
Helen Thomas
Joran van Der Sloot
Elton John, wedding singer
Arizona
Israel

Sandra and Scarlett



Sandra Bullock won the Generation Award at the MTV awards last night.
Here she is after accepting the award, planting one on Scarlett Johansson.
Mmmm.

Two Things I Am Totally Sick Of

Sometimes Things Just Work Out.

Alabama Republicans, jealous of the press states like Arizona, South Carolina, Kentucky and Texas are getting for being outrageously conservative, racist and just plain stupid, fielded these three nitwits in their state primaries. Watch and laugh:

Well, guess what? All three came in third in three-person races.
I guess Alabama's gonna have to try a little harder if they want to top AZ, SC, KY and TX.

What a Lot of Fucking Nerve



The super fancy Gulf of Mexico aquarium, located in South Texas (about 50 miles from Houston) is sponsored by BP and the rest of these scum sucking robber-baron oil companies.
What colossal gall they have to sponsor anything having to do with marine life.
It's like NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) sponsoring a cub scout weenie roast. It's like Sarah Palin lecturing on English usage at Oxford. It's like Rush Limbaugh doing a Pilates video.
The longer this oil spill remains unchecked, the deeper my fury toward BP gets.
I'm so glad Obama and The Feds have launched a criminal investigation against BP, Halliburton and the rest of the greedy, negligent motherfuckers who allowed this to happen.
They are destroying an ecosystem, including the recently discovered coral reef formations deep in the Gulf waters. They are destroying the livelihoods of tens of thousands of residents in the Gulf area.
This spill makes the Exxon Valdez disaster look like an oil spot on a parking space.
Now film director James Cameron, Kevin Costner and some genius Ph.D chick are trying to solve it, because it's abundantly clear that nobody at BP knows what the fuck they are doing.
Once this is settled, I believe (and hope) that BP goes bankrupt and ceases to exist.
They really are a bunch of fucking monsters.

WTF?



"NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, are separating after 40 years of marriage..."

I was truly shocked by this news.
Is there NEVER a time a couple can relax, let down their hair and just assume they'll be married until one of them dies?
I have a French friend who considers romantic fidelity a bourgeois concept that has no basis in reality. I'm starting to think she may be right.
I mean, come on, when Al and Tipper call it quits, is there hope for any couple?
Sheesh!