Okay, I like Her Now



After watching Michelle Obama on The View and seeing her ask each of the panel to give her a fist bump, I decided I like her now.
She's funny, she's 5'11 and she tells cute stories about her little girls.
What's not to like?

Sweet Justice!



Last night in Boston, the Celtics handed the Lakers a 39-point drubbing, not only winning the NBA Championship, but making Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson look like a couple of baboons.
The Lakers needed some humbling, and who better to do it than first-time champions Coach Doc Rivers, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce?
I have never seen such a deserving team beat such an undeserving team so bad.
Thirty-nine points!
Despite the eye poking, the bogus calls and the Lakers' reputation, the Celtics were like the team of old: full of cooperative, unselfish players who did whatever it took to defend and score.
Unlike the jaded L.A. fans, the Celtics fans stood for nearly the whole game- cheering, singing and applauding their team at every possession, rebound and made shot.
My Spurs may have fallen to the Lakers in the conference finals, but the Celtics were like big brothers who came in and kicked their arrogant, sorry asses.
Hey Kobe! Suck it!

People in Glass Houses...



Today, the Supreme Court will review the current ban on handgun ownership in Washington, DC.
It seems that District of Columbia residents are not allowed to own guns, in order to curtail the high crime rate.
Whitey wants us to ignore that DC is predominately black.
The Supremes have a hell of a decision to make. Should they bow to the pressure of the NRA and allow handgun ownership, or should they protect their own safety as they come and go to work in DC?
Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm all for the gun ban in DC. I think all handguns should be banned throughout America.
You want to own a gun? Fine, buy a rifle. Buy 20 rifles, I don't care.
And Chris Rock was right when he said bullets should cost $5,000 each. That sure would cut down on assholes going on shooting sprees.

Now, I'm not advocating civil disobedience, but get a load of the NRA's headquarters. Sure is a lot of glass in that building. If PETA can throw blood and paint on ladies wearing furs, why can't some gun control fans borrow their cousin Bubba's .357 and shoot out all their windows some night when the building is empty?
Try doing that with a knife.

Michelle Obama May be Uppity but:



Okay, I admit I am computer challenged in terms of remembering how to post hyperlinks. I ask friends several times a year for the formula, then I lose it.
But what I am good at is research and passing along tips sent me by friends and loved ones.
In this case, my big sis sent me this link from the Phoenix News that I guarantee will knock your socks off:
http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/1994-09-08/news/opiate-for-the-mrs/

***UPDATE***



I'm glad this is not an audio blog because I am hoarse from laughing.
It seems my successor, Millicent Mooman, has been relieved of her duties as editor, so now they've promoted from within.
See, Mr. Schmutz loves to promote low paid employees to management slots so he can save $20,000 or so a year in salary. Ability and experience don't matter; with him it's all about the bottom line.
Enter Shaniqua, the employee who keeps track of committee meetings.
She is hot tempered, pouty and stubborn, even with her good supervisor.
Never mind that she has zero experience in journalism and notoriously bad taste in design(you should see her office decor)the idea of her taking marching orders from the DWiP is hysterical.
They will clash like titans! I give it six months, tops.
This is gonna be great!

Mars? Are You Fucking Kidding Me?



Just to prove John McCain is out of his mind, he said recently that he thinks America should start planning a trip to Mars. He said it would capture America's imagination like the Moon landing did back in 1969.
With the economy in ruins, children going without a proper education, health insurance and sometimes even food, plus a ridiculous war that's costing us more than World War II did--now this imbecile wants to fund a trip to Mars?
Gee, who would profit by taxpayers putting billions into funding a trip to Mars? Yep, it's the aerospace industry-- you know, the same military industrial complex guys who've already made a mint off this fucking war.
I think it's nice of McCain to give us a hint about where he wants to start squandering more of our money. The aerospace lobby must be loading his coffers with payola out the yin-yang.
I'm not against space exploration. I just think of it as a huge luxury that we cannot afford in the slightest at this point in time.
That simpering cretin Bush brought up the Mars idea about six years ago and I ranted about it then, too.
I chalked it up to him being stupid and impractical.
But I guess I expected more from McCain. I guess I mistakenly thought he was more savvy than Bush.
I guessed wrong.
Exploring Mars: just one more reason to vote for Obama.

Why, Why, Why?



I know the Prius is Japanese, but why wasn't this fuel saving technology available decades ago?
I was in Tokyo in 1990, and even then gas was about $2 a liter. I have to wonder why they didn't react to gas prices until we Americans started getting hosed.
I'm not talking about Europe and their tiny clown cars, I'm talking about the world's best auto maker: Japan.
Okay, okay, Mercedes Benz and Porsche are nice cars but I'm talking about cars that most people can actually afford.
Look, we gave the Japanese the mass production technology for automobiles, so as a little thank you, can't they whip up something that runs on water?
I'm disgusted.

YeeHaw! Zipdrive's News Round-up



-Yeah, yeah, Barack Obama got his delegate quota and now he's our man in the race for the presidency. He's got my vote and I hope he can win.
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is giving a speech tonight where she'll throw her enthusiastic support behind Obama. Still, much of blogland is lining up to take turns pissing on her grave. Sore losers are bad, but sore winners are even worse so if you're one of the ones who pissed on her grave, I hope some of it splashed on your suede shoes.

-Ed McMahon has been in the news lately bemoaning the fact that the bank is fixin' to foreclose on his $6 million mansion. Is it just me or do others find it in poor taste to take one's financial issues public? Is he hoping some sympathetic millionaire will bail him out? A little dignity would do Ed and his sobbing trophy wife wonders.

-In Hartford, CT an old man was hit by a car as he tried to cross the street. Passing motorists and pedestrians ignored him as he laid crumpled on the street.
I've been to downtown Hartford and I think people avoided getting involved because they all had outstanding warrants. Connecticut may have a reputation for being a state filled with wealthy Martha Stewart types, but Hartford's just another urban ghetto filled with apathetic, hopeless people. Shame on those who did nothing to help that old man.

-Airlines have started charging $15 for even one checked bag, and now I hear at least one plans to start charging passengers by the pound. All it'll take is one fat judge or two fat jurors to make that class action suit pay off like a slot machine.

-With all the crane accidents happening lately in NYC, it's no shock to hear that the city's chief inspector has been arrested and charged with accepting bribes from crane companies. What a prick.

-Unemployment jumped to 5.5 percent last month, the biggest rise in 22 years. Bush is blaming it on all the new high school and college graduates glutting the market.
I'd ask if he's kidding us, but by now I'd be surprised if he said anything that made sense.

-Actress and celestial walk-in Anne Heche has been ordered to pay her ex-husband Coley Laffoon a lump sum of $275,000 and $3,700 a month in child support. Once when Big Sis and I were front row at an Ellen DeGeneres concert, Laffoon tromped on my foot while he was filming the show, so I can vouch for him being a klutz. But Heche is worse, pretending to be gay for publicity, then fucking Ellen's cameraman on the side. Though she described her ex as a deadbeat who watches porn all day, it's no surprise he got custody of the kid. Compared to her, he's the picture of stability.

-With all this celebrity baby news, you'd think conceiving a baby was a lot harder than merely getting drunk on Grey Goose and screwing.

-Can anyone tell me why Secretary of State Condaleezza Rice is still allowed to waste taxpayer money on traveling all over the world and parroting neo-con talking points? Someone from the GAO needs to put a foot down and ground that bitch.

-Having watched both series on Bravo, I can say with certainty that the Real Housewives of New York City kicked the Real Housewives of Orange County's asses.
And Stephanie should win this round of Top Chef.

Add your take on the news in the comments section. ;)

Sticking it to


Walmart is featuring a new TV ad where they offer to cash your tax rebate check for free. They'll even waive the fee of a pre-paid Walmart cash card you can get with your rebate check.
Gee, how generous of them to facilitate turning your rebate check into funds you can immediately squander in their stores, buying cheap Chinese imports.
My friends Susan and Elaine and I pondered this last weekend as we were chowing down on baby back ribs at my house.
We thought it would be a good idea to go to Walmart, cash our checks, then deposit the cash into our savings or checking accounts without spending one red cent at Walmart.
Sure, it won't cost them much more than the time it takes to cash our checks, but it will deprive them of $1,800 cash on-hand and it won't make them any money.
If thousands of us were to do that, I imagine they'll stop using that ploy to lure people into their scummy stores.

Update: The Devil Wears Payless



Anyone who regularly reads Pulp Friction knows about the horrible boss I had on my last job as the editor of a regional magazine.
I have kept in touch with a few of my former co-workers and recently I got an update on the DWiP.
She ended up hiring a new editor in January, a hand-picked acquaintance of hers who was short on experience as a journalist/editor but extremely mousy and malleable--qualities I'm sure the DWiP was seeking after she tried to supervise me.
I'll call this new editor Millicent Moomoo.
Well.
It took the DWiP only four short months to drive Millicent off the deep end. She's currently on six weeks psychiatric disability.
Yes, the bitch actually drove the woman crazy.
The committee that oversees the publication already hates the DWiP because of what she did to me, but now they are out for blood because Millicent apparently told them what a bitch the DWiP was being toward her.
Enter Mr. Schmutz, the hapless wimp CEO who threw me under the bus.
Instead of facing the music and admitting that the DWiP has no business supervising anyone, he's decided to take his ball and go home.
He's stepping down in January.
See, the CEO job for him was sort of a hobby anyway. He'd gotten a golden parachute years earlier when he stepped down from his CEO position at a mid-sized widget company in Chicago. He got bored playing golf and took this job about four years ago.
So now that he's facing the wrath of the Board of Directors, he did what he does best- he's chickening out and running for the exit.
And the best part is, he's planning to recommend the Operations Manager to replace him. She happens to loathe the DWiP and the CFO Bitsy von Schtup, the DWiP's accomplice in making people's lives miserable.
As they say, revenge is a dish best served cold.
And now if I plan to sneak into the company parking lot and slit the DWiP's tires, Millicent Moomoo will catch the blame!