Project Runway

Dragging the remaining contestants to Paris in their self-designed jetset wear was pretty creepy.
Vincent made saggy, plain pajammies in festive black and charcoal heather. The V-neck top was baggy and too deeply cut for a male. Awful.
Uli made a typical flouncy print dress- her trademark...again. Yawwwn.
Laura made an elegant party dress in an ecru/peach silk jersey that traveled well.
She should have won.
Michael made a P. Ditty-style, white Hamptons seersucker thing, very hiphop. He's got an eye for what's hot, that's for sure.
Tattoo neck Jeff sans-a-chin made a rocker outfit that looked like early Pat Benatar meets recent Gene Simmons. The boy is beyond white trash, he's meth lab trash with a bottle of generic tequila thrown in.
And Kayne made a Liberace/Elvis casual costume in black, with hideous appliques in a girly Versace-inspired butterfly print of purples and fuchsia, along with a belt buckle that spelled KAYNE in rhinestones. Tres Okie faggola.
But poor, poor Angela took the cake with her shit-brown, silk linen, cuffed pedal pushers with a wrinkly, gathered ass and two big granny circles stuck to the ass cheeks she calls, "fleurchons." Her top was a maroonish balloony thing that just didn't look good. The judges HATE linen and the color brown, so she just doesn't notice what they say, apparently. Gag me with a fleurchon, dude.
Tim and the gang went to Parson's Design Paris, where a particularly bitchy Parisian designer named Catherine Malandrino told Kayne "he luke reedeekulous" and Angela, "Ju luke out of zis world, YOU ARE OUT."
Of course, that scum-sucking burn-out Jeff won and was delighted that Angela was unceremoniously ousted and taken back to the airport, to return for good to her farm in Ohio.
The clear leaders to date are Michael and Laura, with Uli thrown in as an also-ran.
The rest of them need to be tarred, feathered and prohibited from designing again, in this order:
Jeff
Vincent
Kayne
What do you think?

When Will Bush Get It?

I heard on NPR earlier today that Bush said he "took full responsibility" for FEMA's miserable reaction to Katrina, and presumably the lack of progress made by the feds toward rebuilding the Gulf areas stricken by the hurricane last year.
When will that sniveling son of a bitch learn that taking responsibility means something besides a hackneyed platitude uttered by the terminally insincere?
If karma exists, that clown is way overdue for some serious comeuppance.
A penniless lifetime in what's left of New Orleans' Ninth Ward would be too good for him.
Five years later and Bush is more loathsome than ever.

John Mark Karr: Your 15 Minutes Are Up and My Damned Foot Hurts

Yep. Turns out the nutter who Boulder Colorado officials extradited from Thailand was not a DNA match to whomever killed Jon Benet Ramsey.
Karr, the pencil-necked pervert, will probably be charged with something but it won't be murder.
I say they should charge him with any flimsy thing they want, as long as the charge results in him being placed in the joint with the general prison population. I hope the guards lace all the convicts' Pruno with Viagra so they can welcome the creep with the great thrust of gusto he deserves.

Meanwhile, in the hottest summer on record here in San Antonio, I've been having progressively worse pain in my right instep. Nothing I can recall happened to cause it; it just popped up the other day and never went away.
After elevation, ice and aspirin all day yesterday, I awakened this morning with pain similar to jabbing a red hot knitting needle into my instep.
I drove to the emergency room and waited with a roomful of sickly people for an hour or so. Then I was x-rayed and examined, with a diagnosis of acute tendonitis and some other thing that started with "necro" that I can't remember.
Fuckin' diabetes.
Seems the doctor theorized that on Friday, I must have laced my shoes too tight and the slight pinching on top of my foot drove the nerves on my instep crazy and made them revolt.
So now I am taking Prednisone and some delicious little morsels known as Percoset.
I have a space age heat-wrap stuck to my elevated hoof and the drugs are working.
But I hate the idea of the nerves in my extremities going haywire any damn time they want.
I hope this isn't a harbinger of freakish ailments popping up in the years to come.
However, on the bright side, Percoset is a most comforting medication.

Where's Egypt in all This?

If you look at a map of the Middle East and Northern Africa, you'll find Egypt in Northern Africa, just across the Gaza Strip from Israel. Israel abuts Jordan, which is just south of Iraq, which abuts Iran to the east.
Egypt may be on another continent, but it's definitely in the neighborhood of the wacky Middle East.
So, why aren't they involved in all this controversy?
Because I think they are too damned smart, that's why.
In years passed, we heard all about Egypt being involved in the peacemaking process, but lately Egypt seems to have disappeared from the landscape.
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone, including the United States, asked Egypt to referee all the fucking messes in Iraq, Iran, Israel, Saudi and Afghanistan?
They seem like a rational group of folks.
We should get the hell out of there and let them handle it.

Great News From the HRC

Please read the following e-mail that a friend of mine received from the Human Rights Campaign.
And especially check out the names and party affiliations of the legislators who helped us in our struggle. Kudos to them.


Dear Friend,

It is a great and historic day for our community. Today, federal legislation called the Pension Protection Act was signed into law and it includes two provisions that extend important financial protections to more Americans - including same-sex couples. This is an incredibly exciting victory that will be helpful to millions of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender families.

This Act is important because it has two hard-fought HRC-backed provisions that we lobbied for intensely and secured its inclusion. These provisions will help same-sex couples nationwide. Basically what this means is that these two provisions ensure that the U.S. tax code, in times of emergencies, is fairer to more Americans, including our community, and puts us on a more equal footing with other couples. Here's how these provisions can impact the lives of GLBT Americans:

The first provision, called "Non-Spousal Rollover"

Allows the transfer of an individual's retirement plan benefits, like a 401(k), to an Individual Retirement Account (IRA) for a non-spouse beneficiary like a domestic partner, sibling, parent, cousin or anyone else when the individual dies.


In the past, unless you were the legally recognized spouse of the deceased, you were forced to withdraw the amount as a lump sum and you faced immediate tax penalties which would eat away at the savings amount intended for retirement.

The second provision, known as "Hardship Distribution":


Allows individuals who list their same-sex partner or other non-spouse beneficiary under a 401(k) plan the ability to tap into their retirement funds in the case of certain medical or financial emergencies of the beneficiary.


In the past, the federal law only permitted such withdrawals for employees' legally recognized spouses or dependents.

For more details on how the two provisions can help you and your family, please visit our website at: www.hrc.org/estateplanning. Also, be sure to keep a close eye on your inbox later this month because we will be sending you information about an online chat with a financial expert that we will be hosting. The Q&A with this expert will be all about the Pension Protection Act and how it pertains to GLBT families.

I hope that you are as proud as I am of the HRC team and all their work to make this happen. As a member of the Human Rights Campaign, your support provided the resources and the critical momentum necessary to achieve this historic victory for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. I can't thank you enough for your lasting commitment to this work.

We should also thank our allies in Congress - Democrats, Republicans and Independents like former Representative Rob Portman (R-OH), Representative Ben Cardin (D-MD), Ways & Means Committee Chairman Representative Bill Thomas (R-CA), Senator Gordon Smith (R-OR), Senator Olympia Snowe (R-ME), Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA), Senator Max Baucus (R-MT) and Senator Jim Jeffords (I-VT) - who partnered with us and did so with a cooperative spirit that is truly special in the current divisive political climate.
I hope you'll take a few moments to reflect on this enormous victory, join us in celebrating our big win, and know that you are making a difference.

Warmly,
Joe Solmonese
President, Human Rights Campaign

Runway Robbery!

On Project Runway last night, the challenge was for the eight remaining designers to whip up couture confections for the mothers and sisters of the other designers.
In the order of viewer's favorites:
1. Michael, the bootywear designer from Atlanta with back to back wins, selected Barbie doll designer Robert's pretty sister Teresa, who flew in from London to be in the show. He created a very sweet reversible shirtwaist dress in black, with a black and white floral print inside.
2. Uli drew Oklahomo Kayne's Big Mama Judy and dressed her very flatteringly in a muted paisley top with khaki pants. I thought her design should have won.
3. Vincent, the twitching nebbish dressed Uli's mother Heidi in a simple black dress with a wide tan collar. I wasn't crazy about it, but the judges loved it.
4. Laura, the redheaded architect who we discovered is pregnant with kid number six, drew tattooed, weak-chinned Jeffrey's very conventional mother Pam. She dressed her in an exaggerated nautical theme, which was tailored well, but otherwise not up to Laura's usual design standards.
5. Kayne drew Michael's plus sized mama Pamela and put her in a coral top and matching scarf and cute khaki capris. I thought she looked good, but Nina Garcia apparently hates the color coral...not to mention big women.
6. Hopespun Angela, who looks like my big sister's first girlfriend, drew Laura's redheaded mama Lorraine and stuck her into a black dress with fringe and leggings. The judges and viewers savaged her design, but it wasn't all that bad.
7. Boring Barbie's Robert drew Vincent's enormous sister Patricia. He designed for her a bland red poncho over a shapeless black sack dress. Her scowl on the runway didn't help the ensemble one bit.
8. And then there was Jeffrey no-chin, who admitted in the voice-over that he was formerly a homeless junkie. Gee, what a shock.
Naturally, he was last to pick and got stuck with his arch enemy Angela's mother Darlene.
He whined about her being a plus size and refused to listen to her when she described her fashion preferences, instead opting for a melange of black, dark purple and a touch of periwinkle fabric to produce the ugliest, most unflattering piece of crap in PR history.
No, really! Check it out: http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/rate/season/3/episode/7/8
It looked like something my 7th grade Home Ec teacher Mrs. Malolepsy would have forced me to sew, after I got the D for the red denim gym bag she made me sew.
The collar on No-Neck's dress was lopsided, the buttons were jumbo and there was an odd, asymetrical purple triangle sewn to one side of the collar.
What's worse, Jeffrey was so rude to the poor lady she actually started crying, which made Angela cry as well. Jeffrey's incongruently Leave it to Beaver-style mother tried to intervene on his behalf, but she was just as cold to Angela's mom as her junkie/alkie kid was.
I can tolerate a lot of crap, but being rude to someone's mother is to me the height of evil.
If anyone spoke to my mother and made her cry, I'd be doing time about now.
Jeffrey proved he was a one-trick pony like Santino from last season. He can't design anything but off-kilter slutwear in size 4 or smaller. Good luck, you fucking chump.
Even Vincent, whom I find creepy and distasteful, was sweet and gentle with Uli's German mama. In fact, he designed for her so carefully the judges selected his design as the winner.
He cried and hugged the mom when he won, which made me almost like him for a few moments. Humility is a virtue, even with neurotic creeps.
The big loser was Robert, who took the easy way out with the baggy, fat lady tarp he threw together for Vincent's gigantic sister. The judges knew Jeffrey deserved the ax, but he makes for ratings controversy so they kept his sorry ass on the show.
Robert has been surprisingly bland for the last three challenges though, so it probably was time for him to leave.
Now that Laura has Kayne isolated without his best buddy Robert, look to her to level him with a few more caustic barbs. Two redheads...go figure.

My Conversations With Republicans

Stella: I don't like to talk politics.
Me: Why, because your party has fucked up so much?
Stella: No, because you don't get it.
Me: Name one good thing Bush has done.
Stella: I don't like to talk politics.
Me: Just name one good thing and I'll change the subject.
Stella: No.

Kay: Talking politics is a bad idea.
Me: Why, because it's embarrassing for you Republicans?
Kay: No, it's because I try to avoid controversy.
Me: You voted for Bush, can you just tell me why?
Kay: Because I thought he was a good man.
Me: Do you still think that?
Kay: I don't want to discuss it.

Bubba: I think Bush has been good on national security.
Me: How so?
Bubba: He took the war to them.
Me: Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11.
Bubba: We ain't been attacked, have we?
Me: Nearly as many soldiers have died in Iraq as the people who died on 9/11.
Bubba: Yeah, cuz we took the war to them.

Me: Why do you drive a Hummer?
Bow-headed woman: Because I can afford to.
Me: What about all the gas you're wasting?
Bow-headed woman: I can afford it.
Me: But why do you need such a huge vehicle?
Bow-headed woman: I have to take the kids to soccer practice.
Me: How many kids?
Bow-headed woman: Two. Tyler is 8 and Madison is 9.
Me: You can't fit two little kids in a standard sedan?
Bow-headed woman: They have equipment too, you know.
Me: What equipment?
Bow-headed woman: Balls n' stuff.

Me: How can you be a Republican in a family of Democrats?
Stupid nephew: Because they represent my views.
Me: What views? Are you for the war? Tax breaks for the rich? Cutting educational spending? Enron and Halliburton? Gay baiting? Anti abortion? Fear mongering? Borrowing money from the Red Chinese to wage an illegal war?
Stupid nephew: Oh, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

John Karr: Just Another Media Whore?

I rushed to judgment during the first Jon Benet Ramsey news, thinking the mother had done it because her little Barbie had wet the bed one too many times.
With this new perve, pencil necked John Karr making the rounds, I'm not sure.
Seems his ex-wife, 12-year-old* Laura Knutson, says Karr was with her in Alabama during the Christmas holidays in 1996.
She's currently scouring her records to find something to tie Karr to Alabama at Christmas: Dairy Queen receipts, NASCAR tickets, anything.
According to news accounts, Karr was in Thailand hoping to have sexual reassignment surgery. From my understanding, transgendered people are not generally known to be pedophiles or violent.
But then, Karr seems to have gotten himself into trouble in Thailand by possessing kiddie porn. From what I've heard about Thailand, it must be near impossible to offend them with any kind of sexual deviancy, so if his stash of kiddie porn was THAT bad, well...
He may not have killed Jon Benet Ramsey, but my hunch is it's best to lock him up for some reason anyway. He's too creepy to be roaming the streets.
What's your take on this creep?

*just kidding

Judge Orders Halt to Warrantless Surveillance
Bush Administration Says It Will Appeal the Ruling
By SARAH KARUSH, AP

"DETROIT (Aug. 18) - Noting "there are no hereditary Kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution," a federal judge ruled Thursday that President Bush had exceeded his authority when he allowed the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on Americans without a warrant.

U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor in Detroit said the surveillance by the NSA violates the rights to free speech and privacy, as well as the separation of powers enshrined in the Constitution..."

Thank God there are still judges left who actually use the Constitution as their guide to interpreting the law, rather than these neo-cons who prefer to make it up and/or change the law as they go along.

That Bush/Gonzalez type of monkey business might play in Texas, but it took a woman judge from Motown to show these sleazy weasels how the cow ate the cabbage.

Let's just hope the Supremes don't get their hands on this ruling.

Project Runway!

Designing functional clothing out of recycled crap should not be a challenge on P.R.
Mylar, newspaper and plastic are not suitable materials for movable clothing.
Yet, Laura the architect designed a perfectly lovely sundress out of a muslim peanut bag and some black plastic strapping tape.
Poor Kayne the Oklahomo designed an atrocious dress festooned with an acid green flower as big as Rhode Island painted on it, and he dotted that mess with plastic bottle tops, also smeared with green acrylic.
Mentor Tim Gunn told him absolutely not, so he had to punt and throw together a rather unsightly green paper sundress with a flouncy tin foil hem. It was a monstrosity.
Angela the Earth Mother did a reasonably nice thing in shades of blue and silver glossy magazine ads.
Barbie designer Robert did a reasonably nice aluminum foil dress.
Jeff with the weak chin and tattooed neck did a semi pretty dress out of newspaper and painted with muted tones of blue and yellow, with a nice trompe l'oeil belt, but his ugly is beautiful esthetic is way too Santino. Also, I hate dresses that are short in front and longer in back.
German Uli, as always, created a lovely dress out of braided mylar that actually looked like clothing one would wear.
Vincent the twitching nebbish designed a horrid dress out of typing paper, which he covered in assorted scraps of black and white garbage. His model could barely rustle down the runway. Vincent kept saying his creation "really got me off," which I found a rather vulgar term when uttered by an elderly kook like him.
He and Alison were the last losers standing.
Poor Alison. Her pale yellow paper ensemble on her jumbo (size 6) model looked like it was made of tamale shucks. Simply hideous. The model's Minnie Mouse hairdo didn't help.
Laura or Uli should have won, but Michael the bootywear designer from Atlanta is on a roll. He won with a funky bustier made of twisted gold mylar, a white plastic skirt and a translucent plastic tarp wrap. He certainly has some skill with draping materials in a woman-flattering way, but that plastic tarp ruined the look for me because it looked exactly like what it was.
But...what do I know?
I think of haute couture as buying Eddie Bauer at full retail prices.