Just a little needless junk rattling around in my head.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The Secret, Leather-Bound Journal of Mitt Romney
Today's entry: Tales from the Campaign Trail
Gee willikers, and I thought running Bain Capital was tricky.
This race for president is lots harder than being the President, CEO, CFO, Chairman of the Board, Proprietor, Owner and sole Shareholder of Bain. No sir, back then I didn't have to answer to every low income, snot nosed kid who wagged his "high tech" microphone thingy in my face while he had taco or falafel stains on his inexpensive shirt or necktie.
Why, these reporters and pundints act as if they have a right to pry into my personal business and demand proof of taxes I paid and such, rather than taking my word for things--like the way my subordinates used to do at Bain.
Just the other day, Ann and I were having a "rap session," as the kids like to call them these days, and I was explaining to her how America has gotten so down at the heels they even have FEMALE reporters disrespecting me by asking questions that are frankly none of their business.
Ann agreed that a woman's true calling was to look pretty, and be there for her husband and sons in the home, not in the boardroom or TV studio like some sort of masculine "she-male" type. Why sure, I allow Ann to have her hobbies like owning a few horses, shopping and such, but our faith has it right: Eve was created from Adam's rib, and to act as if she's all high and mighty is not only disgraceful, it's a sign of weakness on her husband's part, not to be able to keep his wife in line. Why, I even allow Ann to speak to the media once I have vetted her remarks, so how dare they imply that I am old fashioned and not "groovy" enough for the times?
With each passing day the media has come up with some new, so-called "disgraceful" item about me. Now someone has obviously used something called "The Photoshop" to create the illusion of me speaking at a private fundraising dinner, and simply telling the truth that the media refuses to tell: that 47 percent of all Americans pay no income tax whatsoever, and 3 out of every 7 Americans are entirely dependent on the government for their food, shelter, clothing, automobiles, and even their housekeepers, gardeners and pet food expenses.
And it happens to be true that had I had Mexican parents, the world would be calling me "Senior Presidente" by now. I'd like to see these welfare abusing tax dodger reporters try to make it in the world as a white male who worked hard, only to be penalized and taxed at rates as high as 7 or 8 percent.
Oh sure, father willed a few dollars to me, as did Ann's parents to her, but we both gave all the money away so that we could make a success of our lives without any help. As God is my witness, the only way father helped me as a kid was to pay for prep schools, college, graduate school, Harvard Law School, room and board, a small stipend, a modest new automobile every year, and Ann's and my first home.
The media acts as if not all parents are willing to give their kids a small head start like that! What world are they living in?
And now they have tarred and feathered me with claims that I am what they call a "flip flopper."
Anyone with even a state university graduate degree will tell you that ALL politicians must make statements that the voters want to hear so they will vote for you! For Heaven's sake, how hard is that to comprehend? Things I said when I was running for governor of Massachusetts HAD TO SOUND liberal or I never would have won. Now I have to sound extra-extra conservative because those are the dictates of the Republican party, nothing more! There's no deceit present on my part, it's simply a game we fellows like to call "politics."
Truth be told, I don't give much thought to social "hot buttons," as they are called, because I believe that if a man wants to succeed in life, he must borrow a few dollars from his father for the first 30 or so years of his life, then he must stand up and be a man!
These reporters, especially the non-male, non-white, non-Christians of the lot pretend to act incredulous when I explain to them the ABC's of a man making a success of his life.
They act as if the simple economics of making millions in a company without the company actually making anything to sell is some sort of magic show! How hard is it to understand? You simply purchase an ailing company for pennies on the dollar, remove its cash and other assets, then you either fire or outsource their employees to a country that better understands what labor is truly worth, then you close the company down and sell the building. If the bulding is a ramshackle eyesore, which it often is, you simply abandon it and let the local government decide what to do with it. And then you deduct the loss on your income tax.
Oh sure, it's one thing to expect the government to spoon-feed the average Jose or Mohammed, but when it comes to the government's true function, such as dealing with abandoned buildings, then it's somehow wrong?
It makes no sense. As the kids today say, "It's all wacky!"
Still, I am not bitter. Though I have worked my fingers to the bone to achieve a modicum of success and managed to save a few dollars toward retirement (unlike others, I do not expect the government to pave my retirement with free bricks of gold) I remain God's humble servant and a man of humility and good nature.
Of course, if I were a Negro, Mexican, Muslim or even a woman I'd feel pretty good about what November will bring, but even with the burden of being an average white "dude" as the kids say, I still think I might have a shot at the Oval Office.