Just out of boredom late last night, I tuned into CNN to catch the Ronald Reagan Memory Tour, featuring the remaining four Republicans in the race.
Well, I say four but for all of CNN's bias toward the frontrunners, Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul may as well have sent cut-out posters of themselves with a few catch phrases pasted on their bodies.
Here are my impressions:
Mitt Romney: Remember in High School that one guy who drove the sports car, played quarterback, fucked all the cheerleaders on the sly and gave you the impression he was only saying hello to you to bolster his "great guy" image? Yeah well, that's Mitt.
Previously, I have always awarded Black drag queens top honors for microphone hogging, but Mitt has stolen that dubious distinction from the queens. I am convinced he loves the sound of his own voice to the extent that any dictates of common courtesy are waived for His Greatness.
I wasn't fond of him before, but after last night I realize he's just another empty suit gas-bag who will bicker over anything. He defines the White Male Overblown Sense of Entitlement. The word "loathesome" applies here.
John McCain: Were it not for his insane obsession with "wanting to win in Iraq" and his belief that the escalation--ooops, I mean the surge--is working, I'd find his measured tones and mastery of basic grammar somewhat enticing.
However, his war stance is simply unacceptable and therefore so is he. He'll win the GOP nod, no doubt, but all his opponent has to do is chant, "A HUNDRED MORE YEARS IN IRAQ" and I think most of the voting public will just say no.
The two of them combined for something I found highly offensive.
When Huckabee or Paul spoke, both Mitts and Walnuts gazed at them with the same bemused tolerance usually reserved by politicians for gibbering old veterans who are so senile they think they are back on the beaches of Normandy. Their smirks were so arrogantly Bushian, I felt that familiar bile rising in my throat.
Mike Huckabee: Though I don't think America needs another loony evangelical in office, Huckabee seems modest and measured enough to listen to without chuckling. I wish I agreed with some of his Old Testimonial stances because he seems like a sincere guy, but I don't. Still, I think CNN's moderators were rude to ignore him as much as they did, and he was right to call them on it. He's in the toaster, however, and it's set on LOW.
Ron Paul: If there were no Democrats in the race, he's the only Republican I'd vote for from what little I heard last night. Shame on CNN's Anderson Cooper for cutting him off mid-sentence, promising him a chance to respond later and reneging on that promise. In the sparse opportunities Paul had to opine on the war and economy, I found myself nodding in agreement. Alas, my nodding stopped when those greedy bastards Mitts and Walnuts butted in and stole the floor again.
No surprises last night at the Reagan Memorial Airplane Hangar.
The posthumous dick sucking all four lined up to do on the rotting corpse of Iran Contra Ronnie was to be expected, but remained nauseating nonetheless.
Oh, and get this- none of them admitted that Bush has been a shitty president. That just proves that none of them have a clue.
