Uh Oh, It's the Pucker Face

I've been waiting to see this facial expression. The pucker face represents the last gasps of anyone's political career, and here's Mitt's version.

Classy, huh? Now let's take a little walk down Pucker Memory Lane:

And for desert, please feast your eyes on this article, about how Mitts made millions by investing in Chinese companies he was outsourcing American jobs to. It's kind of like hiring a hitman to kill your wife, then after she's dead, stealing the money you paid the hitman right out of his pocket. Stay classy, Mitts. http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/07/bain-capital-mitt-romney-outsourcing-china-global-tech

The Secret, Leather-Bound Journal of Mitt Romney

Today's entry: Tales from the Campaign Trail Gee willikers, and I thought running Bain Capital was tricky. This race for president is lots harder than being the President, CEO, CFO, Chairman of the Board, Proprietor, Owner and sole Shareholder of Bain. No sir, back then I didn't have to answer to every low income, snot nosed kid who wagged his "high tech" microphone thingy in my face while he had taco or falafel stains on his inexpensive shirt or necktie. Why, these reporters and pundints act as if they have a right to pry into my personal business and demand proof of taxes I paid and such, rather than taking my word for things--like the way my subordinates used to do at Bain. Just the other day, Ann and I were having a "rap session," as the kids like to call them these days, and I was explaining to her how America has gotten so down at the heels they even have FEMALE reporters disrespecting me by asking questions that are frankly none of their business. Ann agreed that a woman's true calling was to look pretty, and be there for her husband and sons in the home, not in the boardroom or TV studio like some sort of masculine "she-male" type. Why sure, I allow Ann to have her hobbies like owning a few horses, shopping and such, but our faith has it right: Eve was created from Adam's rib, and to act as if she's all high and mighty is not only disgraceful, it's a sign of weakness on her husband's part, not to be able to keep his wife in line. Why, I even allow Ann to speak to the media once I have vetted her remarks, so how dare they imply that I am old fashioned and not "groovy" enough for the times? With each passing day the media has come up with some new, so-called "disgraceful" item about me. Now someone has obviously used something called "The Photoshop" to create the illusion of me speaking at a private fundraising dinner, and simply telling the truth that the media refuses to tell: that 47 percent of all Americans pay no income tax whatsoever, and 3 out of every 7 Americans are entirely dependent on the government for their food, shelter, clothing, automobiles, and even their housekeepers, gardeners and pet food expenses. And it happens to be true that had I had Mexican parents, the world would be calling me "Senior Presidente" by now. I'd like to see these welfare abusing tax dodger reporters try to make it in the world as a white male who worked hard, only to be penalized and taxed at rates as high as 7 or 8 percent. Oh sure, father willed a few dollars to me, as did Ann's parents to her, but we both gave all the money away so that we could make a success of our lives without any help. As God is my witness, the only way father helped me as a kid was to pay for prep schools, college, graduate school, Harvard Law School, room and board, a small stipend, a modest new automobile every year, and Ann's and my first home. The media acts as if not all parents are willing to give their kids a small head start like that! What world are they living in? And now they have tarred and feathered me with claims that I am what they call a "flip flopper." Anyone with even a state university graduate degree will tell you that ALL politicians must make statements that the voters want to hear so they will vote for you! For Heaven's sake, how hard is that to comprehend? Things I said when I was running for governor of Massachusetts HAD TO SOUND liberal or I never would have won. Now I have to sound extra-extra conservative because those are the dictates of the Republican party, nothing more! There's no deceit present on my part, it's simply a game we fellows like to call "politics." Truth be told, I don't give much thought to social "hot buttons," as they are called, because I believe that if a man wants to succeed in life, he must borrow a few dollars from his father for the first 30 or so years of his life, then he must stand up and be a man! These reporters, especially the non-male, non-white, non-Christians of the lot pretend to act incredulous when I explain to them the ABC's of a man making a success of his life. They act as if the simple economics of making millions in a company without the company actually making anything to sell is some sort of magic show! How hard is it to understand? You simply purchase an ailing company for pennies on the dollar, remove its cash and other assets, then you either fire or outsource their employees to a country that better understands what labor is truly worth, then you close the company down and sell the building. If the bulding is a ramshackle eyesore, which it often is, you simply abandon it and let the local government decide what to do with it. And then you deduct the loss on your income tax. Oh sure, it's one thing to expect the government to spoon-feed the average Jose or Mohammed, but when it comes to the government's true function, such as dealing with abandoned buildings, then it's somehow wrong? It makes no sense. As the kids today say, "It's all wacky!" Still, I am not bitter. Though I have worked my fingers to the bone to achieve a modicum of success and managed to save a few dollars toward retirement (unlike others, I do not expect the government to pave my retirement with free bricks of gold) I remain God's humble servant and a man of humility and good nature. Of course, if I were a Negro, Mexican, Muslim or even a woman I'd feel pretty good about what November will bring, but even with the burden of being an average white "dude" as the kids say, I still think I might have a shot at the Oval Office. God willing.

Voting For Mitt Romney?

Make a pro Romney comment on my blog. Let's argue about why you're an idiot if you support this conniving, lying piece of crap. Bring facts, not fantasy and I will, too. But first watch the video, and see him flip-flopping his ass off. Then you can explain why this liar is a man we can trust.

It's All Elephant Shit to Me

The thing about the GOP when George W. Bush was around is that they were at least amusing to watch. Now with Mitts "Outsource King" Romney, they're all just boring. Fox News will be dumping Sarah the Grifter Palin from their payroll soon, so her star is tarnished and bent, much like her whore daughter Brisket's reputation. Let's face it--even Fox News would rather see Obama win a second term because at least that gives them something to bitch about on their newscasts. Clint Eastwood was the best the GOP could come up with at their hurricane-plagued convention. His speech was like any 82-year-old's--rambling, vague and speaking to someone who wasn't in the room. The GOP had lied so often, everyone is bored with hearing the same lies again. If Mitt Romney is the best they have to put forward, they are sunk. Sure, they have Chris Christie waiting in the wings for 2016, that is if his strained heart can continue to carry about his 400+ pounds than much longer. I read all sorts of news bits about Mitts winning the election. How can that be, when even Fox News seems lukewarm about that phony bastard? Here's who will vote for Romney: one percenters, racists and imbeciles. It's all so very boring.

Why TomKat Are Divorcing

Zipdrive's Celebrity Corner The Cruise Holmes Divorce

I make no apologies for being intrigued by reading the lurid details regarding the upcoming Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise divorce. The most common speculation for Katie wanting a divorce are: 1. He's gay. 2. His church of Scientology is a creepy cult. 3. He's divorced all his wives once they reach the age of 33. 4. Katie didn't want the church to snatch up Suri and take her to planet Nubulon for programming and induction. 5. He's very controlling. 6. He works too much. 7. He and John Travolta were caught having sex in the men's room of the Scientologist's Celebrity Centre in Los Angeles. 8. He's only 5'2" and all of his body parts are in proportion, including his 2.5 inch penis. 9. He knocked up Adele. Oh sure, any of these reasons might be true, but I am here to tell you why all of Cruise's marriages have gone belly up. Examine the photo closely. Look at that smile. His front tooth is in the middle of his face, directly under his nose! Tell me who could stand looking at that oddity for more than a few years, max? I'll bet when he talked, Katie Holmes would get so caught up staring at that freaky centered tooth she never heard a word he said. It must be kind of like talking to someone who has a bright green booger dangling from one of his nostrils, or someone with a pinto bean skin stuck to his front tooth. Who can focus on anything with that shit going on? Yep. I'll bet Tom gave Katie one of his huge movie star smiles once too often, and she said, "Look, Shorty, you have an abnormal tooth in the middle of your face and I can't do this anymore. You being a gay, workaholic, Scientologist, dwarf didn't bother me, but that goddamn tooth is a nightmare." You heard it here first. You're welcome.

Farewell, Sweet Bettie




Legendary Texas political powerhouse Bettie Naylor passed away last night peacefully in her sleep.
Bettie was a powerhouse lobbyist in Texas for many years, advocating for gays, women and the adult film industry.
A friend of both Democrats and reasonable Republicans, Bettie's charisma, chutzpah and huge personality allowed her to make a gigantic impact in the Texas legislature, helping legislators see the light and pass laws more favorable to women, gays and lesbians and other disenfranchised groups.
Her accomplishments were too numerable to list, and her friends included Ann Richards, Betty DeGeneres, Lily Tomlin, Phyllis Diller, Bob Bullock, and a million others.
Bettie helped found the Human Rights Campaign, America's largest gay and lesbian lobby.
Professional accolades aside, Bettie was the mother of my sister's partner of 25 years, Sharron. I always referred to her as my sister's "lover-in-law."
Family occasions usually included Bettie, who always livened up the day with hilarious stories and insider information on Texas politics.
She leaves behind her partner Libby Skyora, whom she called the love of her life.
She also leaves behind so many people whose lives she touched and loved her dearly.
Rest in peace, sweet lady. I love you, girl.

Sorry, Mitts, But You've Been Punked.



What's the first word you think of when you hear the name Dan Quayle?
Potatoe.
Now, thanks to one of Mitt Romney's dimwitted political staffers, the Etch-a-Sketch will forever be associated with Romney's shallow, wishy washy political ideology.
We liberals don't like admitting that Romney was a very moderate, sometimes even liberal governor of Massachusetts. But behind closed doors, we wink and nod and say that he's faking being such a hard-line conservative just to get the GOP nomination, and God forbid if he becomes president, all that ultra conservative bullshit will disappear, much like a slightly shaken Etch-a-Sketch.
As for the Etch-a-Sketch itself, we Americans have gotten so dumbed-down we need our political imagery to be simple.
Mitt Romney's politics are flip floppy. Like an Etch-a-Sketch, they can change with very slight prompting. OH, I GET IT NOW.
Watch and see, once the race begins and it's Obama versus Romney, the Democrats will be purchasing and distributing Mini Etch-a-Sketches like campaign buttons.
Though it's hard to believe that a simple child's toy like this can bring down a presidential candidate but like Quayle's potatoe, the deed has been done.

The GOP Primary Comedy Tour



One thing you can say about the GOP primary, the slate of candidates have managed to make each other look as insane and smarmy as any Democratic strategist could have done.
I maintain that the GOP intentionally fielded this slate of zealots, creeps and losers so Obama could win a second term.
Why? Because the budget, though improved a respectable amount, is still fucked up and the Republicans want to wait until the Democratic incumbent restores it so they can come in four years later to loot and plunder it once again.
Why else would the GOP permit the likes of Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul to enter the race?
Does anyone reading this sincerely believe that the presumptive winner Mitts Romney was truly the best candidate they could field?
Seriously, the GOP thinks the Bain Capital guy who belongs to a religious cult and has secret bank accounts in the Cayman Islands and Switzerland is the creme de la creme?
All Barack Obama has to do to sail to victory is to play excerpts from the 1,001 GOP debates and let the voters review The Creep Show for themselves.
This all would be hilarious if only the truth was not so ugly and frightening.
To think that a slimy, corpulent reptile like Newt Gingrich was even allowed to enter the primaries after his reprehensible political history shows us that the party of All American Family Values is anything but that.
How embarrassing it must be to be a Republican these days.
You'd think after foisting off Bush and Dick on the American public for eight years, they'd want to restore a semblance of respectability by running a credible primary.
Tell me in the comments, if you had to vote for anyone who was in this GOP primary, who would you choose? No fair saying nobody, you have to select one.
Good luck.

Why Santorum Failed to Pull It Off, or Out as the Case May Be



Santorum, noun: sanTORum
The sometimes frothy, usually slimy amalgam of lubricant, stray fecal matter and ejaculate that leaks out of the receiving partner's anus after a session of anal intercourse.

The moral of the story: never upset gay men who know how to achieve maximum Google exposure.
I know it's been used to death, but like a good Village People song, some words never get tiring to hear.

Adios, mofo.

Why They Lost