Bread n' Butter Notes

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could just write notes to people, ask them simple questions and get honest, direct answers?
Here's some:

TO MY NEIGHBORS ACROSS THE STREET:
Dear Neighbor,
Why do you park your pickup truck on your front lawn? Do you see anyone else in this neighborhood doing it? Do you wonder why they don't?

TO GEORGE W. BUSH:
Dear Mr. Bush,
Could you please get your IQ tested and send me the results?

TO DICK CHENEY:
Dear Dick,
What exactly is your deal with Halliburton?

TO LAURA BUSH:
Dear Mrs. Bush,
Don't you think he'd be a lot less ornery if you'd fuck him once in a while?

TO MARTHA STEWART:
Dear Martha,
Have you considered acting contrite, working in a soup kitchen or going on Saturday Night Live and letting them pick on you? You need some image work, babe.

TO MICHAEL JACKSON:
Dear Jacko,
Did you do it?

TO RUSH LIMBAUGH:
Dear Rush,
Be honest. Do you still pop an occasional narcotic pill before work, or do you really believe stuff like the Iraqi prisoner abuse was no worse than a mess of fraternity pranks?

TO ANN COULTER:
Dear Ann,
Does it get boring, just fucking old Republican guys?

TO COLIN POWELL:
Dear Mr. Powell,
If you had it to do over again, would you take the Secretary of State gig with this Bush administration?

TO CONDOLEEZZA RICE:
Dear Condi,
When you are home alone, do you ever strip down to your undies, hold a hairbrush like a microphone and sing Aretha Franklin songs into the mirror?

TO DONALD TRUMP:
Dear The Donald,
Do you really think that hairdo is flattering?

TO AL FRANKEN and MICHAEL MOORE:
Dear Guys,
How often have your income taxes been audited?

TO JOHN ASHCROFT:
Dear John,
What's the kinkiest sexual thing you've ever done, and with whom? Ever done it with a male?

TO MARY CHENEY:
Dear Mary,
Is your daddy's support of the amendment to ban gay marriage okay with you? We haven't heard much from you since the 2000 Bush campaign, when your daddy trotted you around to show how inclusive the GOP was. How much is the Bush/Cheney reelection campaign paying you?

TO JOHN KERRY:
Dear Senator Kerry,
Wouldn't you really love to kick Dubya right smack-dab in the nuts if you could get by with it?