Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Bush Legacy

One thing I can say for George W. Bush- he created the best truth-avoidance phrase in modern history:
"I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

I saw a snippet of Mark "Shrek" McGwier's testimony before Congress in their ultra important steroid investigation.
Senator: "Mr. Mc Gwier, did you use performance enhancing drugs?"
Gwier: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."
Sen: Is that a yes?
McG: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."
Sen: Wait. Are you avoiding the question I just asked?
McG: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

An entire generation of slackers can now use that phrase with confidence. It worked for the president and that's good enough for everyone.

Hillary Clinton: "Bill, have you been cheating on me again?"
Bill Clinton: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

International Tribunal Judge: "Osama Bin Laden, you are charged with masterminding the 9/11 attacks, how do you plead?"
OBL: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

Class Action Lawsuit Plaintiff's Attorney: "As the Chairman of the National Rifle Association, is it fair to say your association has influenced the proliferation of weapons that have caused the United States' homicide rate to be the highest in the world?"
NRA Chairman: "We don't want to talk about the past; we made some mistakes and we learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

Reporter: Martha Stewart, you are out of jail and have paid your debt to society. Do you regret the actions that caused you to be convicted and imprisoned?
Martha Stewart: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

Karen Zipdrive: Clyde, as the owner of the Blog "BarCodeKing Is Going Postal," you made so many incorrect claims and inaccurate political predictions, you had to ditch it and start a new one. Was it because the Blog had become a constant reminder of how much Bush has fucked-up things and how wrong you've been for years now?
Clyde: "I don't want to talk about the past; I made some mistakes and I learned from them, and that's the bottom line."

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