Loved This Piece

by Robert J. Elisberg, The Huffington Post

Anyone can ask tough, intricate, confrontational questions. But all that ever does is start an argument, and it gets people nowhere. On the other hand, these are...well, easy. These are friendly questions. These are questions that allow another person to actually explain their thoughts, and explain fully. And to do so in as comfortable, as simple a way as possible.

Without feeling attacked. Without feeling pressure. Without feeling no one cares what they have to say. Friendly. Easy.

Print them out, carry them around in your pocket, and the next time someone begins quoting from a Republican talking points memo, take the list out and ask.

1. What are the Top Seven best things that the Bush Administration has done?

2. Is the Iraq War is going well?

3. After three years thus far, when do you think Iraq might be able to "stand up" so that America can "stand down"?

4. For his part in the event, how would you rate the job the President did protecting New Orleans from devastation?

5. How do you think the rebuilding of New Orleans is going?

6. When Dick Cheney and the oil company and energy executives met in private to plan America's energy policy, how much of their goal was to benefit consumers?

7. Do you believe in the President's call for an Era of Personal Responsibility?

8. Since Republicans control the White House, Senate and House of Representatives, how personally responsible are they for conditions in America today?

9. Why do you think they haven't been able to find anyone who can verify that George Bush ever showed up for National Guard duty in Alabama?

10. Would you want Donald Rumsfeld to plan your daughter's wedding?

11. Are you aware that no government in the history of civilization, other than the Bush Administration, has lowered taxes during a war?

12. Are you married?

13. Do you personally feel threatened by gay marriage?

14. Since getting elected, do you think the President has been more a uniter or a divider?

15. How do you explain the President's approval rating going from a high of 90% to the current mid-30%?

16. Do you like the government collecting personal data on you without a warrant?

17. How much money do you have in your bank account, stocks and investments?

18. What's your partner's favorite sex position?

19. If you have nothing to hide, why aren't you answering?

20. Should we build a wall along the Mexican border?

21. Why isn't anyone building a wall along the Canadian border?

22. Does that terrorist gang arrested in Canada count as a threat?

23. If you shot someone in the face while drinking, how fast would the police show up to arrest you?

24. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, would the guests still be there?

25. Even if no laws are broken, do you think it's okay to reveal the name of a covert agent?

26. During your lifetime, approximately how often have you changed your mind?

27. Why shouldn't people dismiss you as a flip-flopper?

28. Where do you think the Weapons of Mass Destruction might be?

29. Where do you think Osama bin Laden might be?

30. Is it fiscally responsible to cut taxes, increase spending and create a $9 trillion federal debt?

31. Are you glad liberals passed such programs as Social Security, Medicare, the Civil Rights Act, women's suffrage, federal deposit insurance, unemployment compensation, rural electrification, child labor laws, minimum wages and the 40-hour work week?

32. What are the Top Ten best things that conservatives have given to America?

33. If you were on life support, would you want a doctor you'd never met making a diagnosis about you via remote television?

34. Do you think man-made greenhouse gases have anything at all to do with depleting the ozone layer?

35. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, and guests were still there, how many factions would they now be split into?

36. How good is it that the terrorist Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi was killed?

37. Are you aware that in 2002 the Pentagon knew where al-Zarqawi was and presented three separate plans to kill him, but the Administration refused to act each time?

38. Is George W. Bush the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with?

39. When he started talking about being a Born Again Christian, would you want to stay or leave?

40. Is Ray Romano the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with?

41. Would you want him to be President?

42. Does the Administration have an environmental policy that benefits the environment?

43. Since George Bush campaigned for President strongly against nation building, in what ways are our actions in Iraq not nation building?

44. What's the maximum amount of time you'd want to spend alone with Dick Cheney?

45. After dismissing Saddam Hussein's old Iraqi army, was it a good idea to let them keep their rifles?

46. Would a policy that allows torture be something that makes you proud as an American?

47. Has the Mission been Accomplished?

48. Do you feel comforted that Dick Cheney is a heartbeat away from being President?

49. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding, and guests started fighting and were killed, would you expect to be allowed to view the caskets when they were returned home?

50. How glad do you think George Bush is that he's no longer active in the National Guard?

Copyright 2006 © HuffingtonPost.com, LLC

Anti Terorism Funds: A Festival of Pork

NY TIMES: WASHINGTON, July 11 — It reads like a tally of terrorist targets that a child might have written: Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo, the Amish Country Popcorn factory, the Mule Day Parade, the Sweetwater Flea Market and an unspecified “Beach at End of a Street.”

But the inspector general of the Department of Homeland Security, in a report released Tuesday, found that the list was not child’s play: all these “unusual or out-of-place” sites “whose criticality is not readily apparent” are inexplicably included in the federal antiterrorism database..."

To read the entire article go to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/12/washington/12assets.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

e-DisHarmony.Com

You see the ads on TV all the time.
Kindly old Dr. Neil Clark Warren and a gaggle of loving heterosexual couples expound the virtues of e-Harmony's scientific Compatibility Matching System, while Natalie Cole croons, "This Will Be" in the background.
It's the online dating system of the future. It's the way you find your soulmate and a relationship that lasts forever.

Unless you're gay.
E-Harmony doesn't do gays.

My guess is, kindly Dr. Neil Clark Warren is one of those "relationship experts" who doesn't avail himself of modern psychological views concerning homosexuality.
We just don't matter to Dr. Neil, even though we have more disposable income than most breeders, and can afford novel new methods of meeting gay people (other than in bars or at parties).

If Dr. Neil is overlooking the millions of dollars a gay clientele might bring in, could it be he's just another right-wing fundamentalist Christian wingnut, using his dating service to further his radical agenda?

Feh. I don't trust the guy.

Okay, I'll Admit It...
I've Had it and I Need Your Help.

I hate AOL.
For the last five or six years I've tolerated it because I got their service for free.
I was what was called "a community leader," which means I used to monitor message boards to make sure nobody used the word 'fuck.'
Last year, they discontinued the community leader program and they sent me an e-mail saying they'd give me one more free year as a thank you.
The free year expired in June, then they automatically deducted $30 from my checking account on July 1. No notice, except for that one last year. Thirty bucks??
Now the whole program is cattywampus.
It frequently crashes, the AOL Computer Check-up doesn't work, and now when I open a window, the top part hides under the AOL menu so I have to take Herculean efforts to close it.
I contacted a simpering Tech Support person last night who kept thanking me for my patience- as if I had any. It took 15 minutes just to communicate the problem to her.
Naturally, she gave me some bullshit solution that required me to log off before it would work.
I did and it didn't.
Then she sent me an e-mail, suggesting other alternatives in case her bullshit solution #1 failed to work.
They too failed to work.
The only remaining solution is to reinstall the software, which is tantamount to trying to teach me how to rewire my home or drop my car transmission.
I am seriously considering jumping ship and I think my phone service, AT&T, offers a broadband service ( I now have AOL dial-up) for less cost than basic AOL. They already handle my home phone and cell phone accounts, so I am leaning toward them for the convenience of having three bills with one company.

Questions:
Do any of you have AT&T broadband, and if so, are you satisfied with it?
What other ISP's might you recommend?
I don't want anything connected with Roadrunner or Time Warner cable.
I don't want to pay any exorbitant fees for connecting me to high speed service. I think AT&T provides that at no cost.

Help a sister out here, please.
Tell us your tales of woe about AOL.
Then help me stick it to them.

Drama in The River City

Jeeze. My life is a breeze compared to my friend I'll call Lainie.
She's 41 and her brother Junior is 40.
Their parents are Lola and Ken, each about 65-years-old.
I've known the whole family for almost 20 years. We all live in the same general area.
Last year, Ken, a retired aircraft engineer, avid gun collector and strong, silent type announced to his family he was a woman trapped in a man's body. His intention is to undergo sexual reassignment surgery after a suitable course of hormone therapy and open crossdressing.
Lola, whom I've always thought was kind of butch (ex: she plays drums in an Oompa band) totally freaked out about Ken's announcement.
So did Junior.
Lainie, who's gay, was thrilled with the announcement.
She came out to her dad with great ease. He hardly noticed- I presume he was too preoccupied with the new Spiegel for Ladies catalog.
So, Lola started getting angrier and crazier about Ken's quest to become a female and she immediately started divorce proceedings.
Junior, a rather petite male with an alcohol problem, sided with Lola. In fact, Junior seemed to take Ken's news as a direct affront to his delicate masculinity. His wife is a devout Christian who has denounced her father-in-law as a satanic sexual deviate.
Needless to say, they will not allow Ken to see his innocent young grandson, Jack.
Sensing her dad needed extra emotional support, I was brought into the picture to socialize with Ken, who now dresses as a woman most of the time and refers to herself as Patti.
Patti looks a lot like Ken except for the pointy bras and floral capris. She now has a companion called Toni, also a transgendered male. Though they take a lot of effort to pass as women, their masculine looks make for an unfortunate visage aux deux.
The divorce was a nightmare.
Lola started showing up in court with a cane and an oxygen tank, though she needs neither in real life. Junior flanked her like Fredo in The Godfather, trying to look tough and sneering despite his diminutive stature and high pitched voice.
Junior remains relentlessly hostile toward his father, and since she took Patti's side, Junior also loathes Lainie.
Junior wangled a power of attorney from his mother, which led him to believe his father's half of the community property was his.
Many fights have ensued since then, most prominent being Junior trying to appropriate Patti's vast gun collection. Patti prevailed in court, storing her vast arsenal in a tasteful armoire.
Because we all live within a small distance from one another, we frequent the same neighborhood coffee shop. Lainie takes great pleasure using her fancy digital camera to take mini video clips of her mother while she's eating. Lola likes to call the police and make scenes in the coffee shop, demanding they arrest Lainie for harassment.
They never do. She hides her little camera.
Now that the dust should have settled, Junior seems to be drinking more than ever.
Liquor, his crazy Christian wife and furious mother have emboldened him, turning him into an habitual stalker.
He seems to spend most days and nights calling Lainie and Patti and hanging up when they answer. A trap has been put on both lines to put an end to his antics.
Also, he drives his aged gold Buick Century past both their apartments with great frequency, slowing down to shoot dirty looks whether or not anyone's looking.
Last night I was at Lainie's apartment, and as I left, hovering in the circular driveway downstairs was Junior in his big Buick with the lone headlight shining menacingly toward her stairway.
As I drove away, the Buick zoomed past me.
I decided to follow him for a few blocks just to fuck with his head.
He was all over the road, definitely drunk and probably armed, so I quickly abandoned the pursuit and drove home.
I called Lainie when I got home and she was downstairs with the police, filing a report. I got to talk to the officer and describe Junior's erratic driving in my best reporter's narrative.
Though Lainie finally has one parent with whom she shares emotional closeness, the prize has been hard-won.
Junior will probably end up getting arrested for harassment, driving while intoxicated and carrying an unlicensed, concealed weapon. That'll likely result in some time in the pokey. I doubt that will further endear him to his father.
Lola has, in the process, had a serious heart attack because of the stress she's put herself through, and she could drop dead at any moment.
Patti should be enjoying her new-found freedom, but she's having to be hyper-vigillant about her crazy, drunken son and vindictive ex-wife.
This could all be solved if everyone would just mind their own business.
Codependency, alcoholism, guns and rage have fueled this monumental family feud.
All this because an old man has decided to live out his life on his own terms. It seems the whole family has collapsed because one person decided to drop the facade.
Ridiculous, isn't it?

Let Me See if I Got This Straight

AP: "North Korea launched five test missiles on Tuesday within minutes of the space shuttle Discovery liftoff. Despite warnings from the United States and Japan, North Korea fired a long-range missile called the Taepodong-2, which is capable of reaching the United States. North Korea also set off four shorter range missiles able to target South Korea and Japan. All five of the fired missiles fell into the sea of Japan.

"The Bush Administration classified the North Korean missile exercise as "provocative," but not an immediate threat. National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley told reporters that President Bush was not surprised by the tests "because we've seen this coming for a while..."

Provocative?

Isn't that kind of a wimpy word to use on a country that tested nukes which could reach the shores of America?

Bush thought Iraq's nonexistent WMD's were "an imminent threat," yet an enemy nation actually testing their nukes is merely provocative?

Bush has propelled us into an insane nation. Up is down, black is white, threats aren't real, pretense is a threat...it's hard to keep up.

Yesterday, Ken Lay made a wise career decision. May Bush soon emulate his good pal, Kenny Boy.

I Shoulda Bought a Fifth on the Third

Here's a 4th of July treat for you.
Remember Osama bin Laden, the guy who masterminded the 9/11 catastrophes?
Well, the CIA unit charged with tracking him has been disbanded.
The unit, known as Alec Station, was disbanded and its analysts reassigned within the C.I.A. Counterterrorist Center, officials said.

The decision is a milestone for the agency, which formed the unit before Osama bin Laden became a household name and bolstered its ranks after the Sept. 11 attacks, when Bush pledged to bring Mr. bin Laden to justice "dead or alive."

Draw your own conclusions, folks. You don't need me to tell you a thing.

Risking It

After a double dose of horrid movie picks (A Prairie Home Companion and some movie about a kid's Bar Mitzvah called 'Keeping Up With the Steins' or some shit) I am risking a third disaster that I hope will turn out okay.
Saturday night, I'm going to go see "The Devil Wears Prada."
The idea that Meryl Streep stars as the movie version of Vogue's bitch-in-chief Anna Wintour is tempting, but then again she played the hayseed singer trying to woo Garrison Keillor in the aforementioned piece o' crap, so there's no telling.
Anne Hathaway plays her assistant. Her, I love. She played the wife of Jack in Brokeback Mountain, and she has that pouty lipped sassiness that has gotten me into lots of trouble in my spotty history of real life woman chasing.
So, wish me luck. I'll report back soon.

P.S. Bush and that Japanese lame duck at Graceland. What a couple of dorks. Elvis would have loved Bush- two dope addicts disguised as law abiding citizens. Yeecch.

Lame Duck with Lemons?

Supreme Court Rejects Guantanamo Trials
Decision Marks Setback for Bush Administration

WASHINGTON (June 29) - The Supreme Court ruled Thursday that President Bush overstepped his authority in ordering military war crimes trials for Guantanamo Bay detainees, saying in a strong rebuke that the trials were illegal under U.S. and international law..."

Good. I love a strong rebuke to Bush from the Supremes.
And as far as recent decisions go, it seems the Supremes are taking some strong measures to restore their credibility, while they reign in the naked little emperor and his sycophants.

Could this be the beginning of the last phase of Bush's petty tyranny?
Maybe something as common as enforcing the laws of the land might do to him what the media has failed to do: expose him and declaw him.

All This Partisan Bitching

Everyone knows by now that Bush, Cheney and a handful of their goofy GOP legislative co-conspirators are up in arms over recent stories published in the NY and LA Times about BushCo's spying into bank records.
"Treason!" they claim. "The stories harm our national security," they continued.
Trouble is, while the BushCo crybabies whine about the liberal, left-wing mainstream media harpooning their so-called security measures, they totally left out their pet right-wing rag, The Wall Street Journal.
Yep, the WSJ printed basically the same story, yet they escaped the wrath of the swiftboating right-wing. Why? You know why.

Listen here, friends.
You can tell when the NY Times and other major print media are finally doing their jobs:
BushCo starts to bitch.