Guest Blogger Raven?
Look Into My Wiggle
After my fucking seven hour long spin class yesterday, I noticed one of my butt cheeks had actually fucking fallen off.
I found it laying by the spin machine I'd been on, so I just put it back in place on my ass under my super tight spin tights, and went and sat in my fucking hot Jeep until it fucking melted itself back onto my ass.
Then I went and got a tofu no soy no foam no caf no cal ultralight crappuccino from Starfucks, which for some reason tasted like fucking shit.
I foolishly went to the fucking bar last night and drank four Tuacas in a row to brace myself for my fucking ex from fucking Fucklandia who was walking right toward me.
She was all like hi and stuff, so I was about to grab a cue stick and beat her with it until the cute bartender came from behind the bar and held my shoulders, then began to stroke my fucking rock hard pecs and delts through my T-shirt that had BITCH on the front of it in sequins.
So I turned and deep kissed her, then she licked the Tuaca off my chin, then my fucking ex from fucking *HELL* said I didn't have to be so pissy. Well that pissed me off again so I had four more Tuacas, then the band started and they fucking *RULED* so I had fun the rest of the night, but this morning I feel like a fucking bag of weasel shit.
I think I might call my fucking bitch of an ex lover and tell her to fuck off, then maybe go to spin class again today.