Wednesday, July 17, 2002

What I'd Do If I was a Middle Eastern man living in America

• Change my name to Eddie Garcia
• Fill my car with Bruce Springsteen, Lynyrd Skynrd and Selena CDs
• Put an American flag decal on my window and Harley Davidson and Bush/Cheney stickers on my bumper
• Shop only at Old Navy and stock up on $5 American flag T-shirts
• Cover my copy of the Koran with a Holy Bible cover
• Dangle a rosary from my rearview mirror
• Get some fake mag wheel covers
• Get a tattoo of the Virgin Mary on my forearm
• Get a mullet haircut
• Shave close, daily
• Add some hydraulic lifters to make my car hop
• Call people "vato," "dude" or "mommi"
• Drink Bud Lite
• Put flamingos on my lawn
• Paint one car fender with flat Bond-o gray paint
• Learn to dance salsa
• Carry a little bottle of hot sauce in the glove compartment
• Buy some baggy khaki pants and a few wife beater undershirts
• Wear a huge Jesus medallion necklace

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