Where's Dick?

I am convinced that Vice President Dick Cheney and his boss George Dubya are reenacting Book 4 of Harry Potter.
If you haven't read all four books in the series, you best better move on because this won't make any sense.
My theory is that Dick (I usually use last names on second reference, but I like calling him "Dick") is Lord Voldemort and Dubya is his faithful but inept devotee, Wormtail.
Think about it.
When the WTC was attacked, who was sequestered in "a safe but secluded location"? Dick, that's who.
Was it his frail health, or was it because he is the true heir to the empire of evil, started by Salazar Herbert Walker Slytherin Bush? Or was it both? I wonder.
Where has Dick been keeping himself?
Since when does a war get declared and the President is all over the place being a walking target, while the Veep is under heavy security and never available for comment?
Ask yourself when was the last time you saw Dick on TV.
Is Wormtail just an expendable commodity while Voldemort stays safe while he regrows his skeletal system and plans to take over the wizards and the muggles?
Am I Harry Potter because this whole pile of secretive shit makes my head hurt?