Christmas Gift Ideas

What we need are practical gifts people actually will use.
I have invented some.

Bitchometer: worn as a bracelet, the Bitchometer beeps when you've raised your own blood pressure by being too much of a bitch or bastard.

Gut Watcher Pro: this belt detects a too full belly and emits a high pitched, hog squealing sound when the wearer has pigged out too much.

Mama Clapper: When mother starts to talk or complain too much, the Mama Clapper starts clapping until she quiets down.

PMS Alert Bracelet or Necklace: When your favorite gal is fixin' to start, the simulated gems on the PMS Alert jewelry turn from a placid, sky blue to bright red.

ScreenFix: With just a touch of a key, the solitaire game, blog, private e-mail, pornsite or other unauthorized PC activity switches to any letterhead, form or spreadsheet you use at work.

KittyBuns Litter: Finally, a cat litter that smells like fresh baked cinnamon buns. The more it's soiled, the stronger the fresh baked cinnamon bun scent becomes.