If we were dumbass hicks

My lover is bright. Nothing escapes her sharp eyes or ears. I get by with nothing.
I want us to become dimwitted hayseeds.
I want us to be called Lurlene and Hank.

Lurlene: I think yer damn blog wuz too damn personal 'bout me the other day.
Hank: So, what of it?
Lurlene: I have some gol dern issues with it, at's all.
Hank: Issues? You been watchin' Oprah again.
Lurlene: Well, so what if I was, whatta you goin' to do about it?
Hank: How 'bout I take you to the five and dime and buy you somethin' purty?
Lurlene: Like what?
Hank: Whatever you like, doll baby.
Lurlene: What about a new hairnet and some lawn flamingos?
Hank: At'd be okay.
Lurlene: Well, go get the truck warmed up then.
Hank: Can we have some make up sex first?
Lurlene: As long as you don't touch my hairdo.
Hank: Okay, then. Take off them stretch pants, doll baby, and come 'ere and gimme some.
Lurlene: Oh Hank, you say the sweetest damn things.

Yep. Life would be so much simpler.