Friday, November 20, 2009

Sarah Palin Sets the Record Straight!

As a service to Pulp Friction readers, here is an excerpt from the first chapter of the governor's new book, "Going Rogue."

Chapter One
Setting the record straight!!!

When John McCain called me to be his Vee Pee, what most people don't know is he actually called to ask if I'd run for president and let him be my Vee Pee.
I said, "Oh Gosh, John, I'm flattered but I think I'd rather get my feet kinda wet on the national stage by being your Vee Pee first." Then I laughed and said, "But golly, John, first you have to tell me what exactly a Vee Pee does, because as a governor I am pretty doggone busy, and I'm not so sure I'd want a job that just means being the president of the Senate and changing laws n' stuff."

Also too, about the fancy clothes they made me wear. See, I told them a maverick like me would be uncomfortable wearing designer labels and carrying expensive purses and wearing Manolo Blahniks and all that kinda stuff.
But Meegan McCain told me her mother said "a little ragamuffin like me would embarrass a fancy rich lady like her" so it was kinda like "go to Neiman's or forget it." So like the good little soldier I did.

About shooting animals from a airplane. Actually it was not really a true story. It was a helicopter that Todd and I saved all our money for, and the animals I shot were for food only. Many people think wolf and bear is not good to eat, but with some elbow grease and old fashioned good cookin' it is truly delicious.

About the pregnancy of Bristol. I told McCain's vetting committee all about it and they sent me a check for $300 to get a abortion for her. But when I refused they were all like "we're gonna tell" and I said "go ahead, sticks and stones can break my bones but the truth will set me free." And I cashed that check and sent the money anonymously to Project Save a Life and used the rest to buy Bristol a little blanket for that baby.

About the McCain's staff being "out to get me." They truly were because they thought I was too good lookin' and sharp and also I made John look old and Cindy look really dry and wrinkled. So they maid up a lot of junk about me and my family & called Kieth Olberman and his lesbian friend Rachel Maddlow all the time to have them say lies about me. So it was jealousy.

About Levi Johnston. I don't like the drama that "Ricky Hollywood" and his show biz pals he pals around with like to make. And now that he's in pornos for that filthy magazine that proves he doesn't think his body is a temple like mine is and for that I am very sorry for him because he doesn't have the Lord lighting his way and keeping him pure.

About Katie Courick: I did that innerview because I felt sorry for her poor self esteem and thought I could help her look better but she ambushed me because some people gotta knock better people down to make them look better, or so they think!!! But then she had to go and ask me stupid questions about what-all I read and when I answered her sarcastic she didn't get it and thought I really didn't mean that I actually I read all the magazines out there, including the Atlantic Ocean Monthly, Newsweak, Times magazine, O, TV Guide, The New York, Vanity, McCalls, Lady's Home Journal, the Bible, Shakespear, People, InStyle, Architectral Digest, the Journal of Medicine, The Harvard Law Magazine, the Yale magazine, the Smithsonian Museum magazine, and also pretty much all the really heavy intellectual magazines and book there are.

Rumors about Todd and me's marriage. Have you SEEN Todd? He's gorgeous!!! Why would I want to divorce anybody that hott? But we did not "have to" get married. Track's birth certificate said he was born 3 months after we got married because it was a typo.

About my special needs baby. I never called him "my retarded baby." There's nothing wrong with being a retarded baby, besides, when you have Christ as your savior.

About lies that I misused my governor's office. I did not, and any investigations into mis-doing were lies that I have to pay for the investigations for, which was truly not fair. It was all a plot by Democrat politicians to ruin me but nothing ever stuck to me and I was proved not guilty tons of times besides.

About Obama pallin' around with terrorists. Well, he did and the liberal media just covered it up. He's still best friends with William Ayres and Jeremiah Wright is still very much his reverend.

There's alot more about stuff I could tell ya but I am afraid they'll get me. Alot of people out there want me silenced and if this book sells a million, then I may tell ya more.


nonnie9999 said...

i can't wait for the second book where she explains how the damned libruls lined up by her bus at the book signin' and made believe they were waitin' all day fer her to sign there books just so the librul media could talk about it on there shows about how she dint care about those folks and left without signin' anything.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Hmm. I think once word gets out that Sarah the Quitter with ADD can't even stay for an entire book signing session, her arthoring days will be over.

Distributorcap said...

oy vey

Anonymous said...

"There's nothing wrong with being a retarded baby, besides, when you have Christ as your savior."

God help me !!! effing KILL-ing me wit this stuff....also too, she was nearby in Rochester where they make Genesee Beer even though I haven't had one since 1981 people from there drink it and come here to see Bills games. Doggunit if hafa the folks who get cuffed n stuffed here at them Bills games aren't from rochester and also Canada which we can see from the Indian Casino in The Falls...