Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Oh my.
Hard as I tried to avoid the trap, I have become addicted to The Apprentice.
The show was scooted over to Wednesday night this week, and I just watched some perfect poetic justice: Jennifer C., the snippy bitch with the bad Audrey Hepburn French twist, got booted for being a bad project manager for a restaurant with a horrid color scheme and bad art, that was too upscale for the 'hood it was in.
Hint: Vermilion and chartreuse, mixed with light cocoa beige are not colors that stimulate digestion. They stimulate vomiting, which may be a whole 'nother story with some of these chicks.
When two old ladies were seated and asked why bread was being served at an Asian/Fusion cuisine restaurant, Jennifer later referred to them as, "those grouchy old Jewish ladies."
They are in New York, for God's sake. To get all het-up over two old Jewish ladies kvetching at a New York restaurant would be like complaining about Texans asking where the jalapenos were at a barbecue dive in El Paso.
The boy's team worked together like happy elves, even overcoming a table of snippy faggots by flirting with them and giving one of them a free T-shirt. Even their token Mosaic woman Pamela, who was at first as brittle as a parakeet's cuttlebone, has gotten kinda loose and giggly on the guys' team.
At first I loved Maria because she is so hot. Now I want to sneak pebbles into her Manolo Blahniks and stick pins in the seams of her black St. John's knits. Pretty is as pretty does, and if she looked like she acts, she'd look more like Miss Jane Hathaway.
The worst part about this entire crew of male and female career whores is that I think the men's team is so much better than the women's team, and for a lesbian feminist, that's a bad, bad thing to have to admit.
Even Raj, who dresses like Don Ameche playing a gay guy from the 30's, managed to be an excellent, amiable project manager for the boy's restaurant project. They even managed to replicate for their restaurant walls some decent, quasi-abstract art, using only a house painting brush and some cheap acrylic paints.
In the boardroom, catty Jennifer selected for the chopping block not her friend Sandy, who was no good at her assignment, but her enemies Elizabeth and Stacy R., who had the temerity to raise an eyebrow at Jennifer's imperiously haughty management style.
Jennifer, you're fired. And Carolyn hates you.
Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
Geh cocken offen yom, you big Jewish old lady hater.

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