New Rules

Bill Maher has a great feature he does at the end of each episode of his excellent pundit comedy show on HBO, "Real Time."
It's called, "New Rules," and Maher mentions things that piss him off, then he makes a new rule about it.
I thought I'd do my version.

New Rule:
No more using American flags as background images for news programs or political events on either side. The flag has been used like a $4 crack whore to subliminally trick people into thinking whoever is standing in front of it is credible and honest, and the more I see it used, the less honest the people using it seem to be.
New Rule:
If federal civil servants have to submit to random piss tests to keep their jobs, that should apply to the White House civil servants as well. As a taxpayer, I want to see civil servant in chief George W. Bush's test results because I think he's on something.
New Rule:
From now on, it's against the law to call something by a nicer name than what it is.
From Fox News using, "Fair and Balanced" as a slogan, to calling a plan that allows more environmental pollution than ever "the clear skies initiative," I want no more deceptive labeling.
That includes bad movies, hastily thrown together to make a buck. The movie 'Gigly' comes to mind.
From now on, crappy movies like that must always be at least partially titled, "Anything for a Buck."
Examples: "Mel Gibson's Anything for a Buck Passions of the Christ."
"The Anything for a Buck Ladykillers," starring Tom Hanks.
New Rule:
If you are a public figure and belong to the opposite political party than people think you do, you must wear a little button or ribbon that identifies your true orientation. For example, Kelsey Grammer and Jessica Simpson are Republicans, so they should wear them. Country music star Toby Keith is a registered Democrat but he backs Bush, so he needs one, too.
New Rule:
Before any new taxes are levied, marijuana needs to be legalized, regulated and sold through government outlets. Instead of offering farm subsidies to farmers not to grow crops, let 'em grow pot. Pot is a multi billion dollar industry that needs to be taken from the criminals who traffic in it and handed over to the criminals who run the government.
New Rule:
Whirlygigs, the pinwheel-like spinning things people stick in their lawns for decoration are ugly and must be removed and discarded. People who refuse should be charged with a third degree misdemeanor.
New Rule:
Just because a stranger walks up to you to bum a cigarette or ask the time, that does not entitle him or her to hang around and try to chitchat. No more obligation to be polite, now it's okay to say scram without guilt.
New Rule:
If you cannot pronounce the word nuclear, you are no longer allowed to say it in public.
New Rule:
It is no longer appropriate under any social circumstances to ask anyone about their pubic hair grooming habits, or lack thereof. If one has a legitimate need to know, they will find out eventually without having to ask.
New Rule:
No more decaffeinated coffee. If you can't take the caffeine, you can't drink coffee anymore.
New Rule:
No more showing people your photographs unless they ask to see them first.
New Rule:
No more using cell phones in the grocery store to call home and ask what to buy. Make a list, it's cheaper than making a call and not as annoying to others.