Tuesday, November 30, 2004

A Special Report:
Sneak Preview: George W. Bush's speech to the Canadians

Good evening.
How fabulous is it to be with all you Ottawannabes on this special occasion.
This Museum of Civilization y'all have here is really a testimony to all that went on before here. It's a really fabulous gesture of ...accomplishment, which will live on in history in the future... for all time.
Now, I know I didn't have much time to campaign here over the last year, but you know Ottawa is my favorite province in the United States, and I appreciate all the fabulous hard, hard work you people have did to help me win my political capital, that I intend to spend on my second term.
(Press secretary whispers in the President's ear)
Heh heh heh, I meant to say Canada, not the United States, but y'all are so close to us, we consider you as close as step children, and I don't mean the resentful kind, I mean the kind who are appreciative to have a good, new daddy- who is strong and resolutive to protect them.
I come here today also to give a hug to your new leader, President Pete Martin, who I have met with and who seems like a fabulous guy, with a lot of real, real good initiatives.
The liberal media back home has said us and Canadia have some issues of settlement that need some settling. And I don't think we have what you'd call bad issues between us, but I will settle them, good or bad.
Why, just today, I enjoyed a fabulous hamburger made from Canadian cows, and I am happy to say it didn't taste like the cow was mad at all. Maybe the liberal media back home was just mad when they said so... heh heh heh.
Also, I had a real nice visit with your Defense Minister, Billy Graham, who is a fabulous guy not unlike our own Reverend Billy Graham, only not religious. Billy's a great asset to y'all, and alls he needs to is figure out how to spell "defense" and he'll be good to go. heh heh heh
On a seriouser topic of large urgency, we all share a goal of stopping terrorism wherever it may go, which could include all of Canada, including the French people over in Quebec, the British and Colombian ones over on your West coast, and those Scottish folks y'all have over there in Nova Scotia.
It has been hard, hard work, but every person of Canadianism can check their Internets to see for theirselves that terrorists like Saddam Hussein have been brought down, and so far he is just the chip of a really bad iceberg.
Now, we know that Canadia doesn't have a whole lot of military troops or much military airplanes or boats, but I speak for my country to say we would appreciate the whole, entire country of Canada getting back in the saddle of freedom with countries like ours who enjoy liberty and hate terrorism, and rejoin the coalition of the willing so we can track down and kill those who hate us for our freedom.
Americans consider Canada almost like they're Americans theirselfs- what with their comedians and fine actors coming down to work in our movies and TV shows, and their speaking mostly English, just like us. And today I learned that the Canadians can also cook a fabulous, All American-style hamburger! heh heh heh.
It is within this spirit of simultaneousness that bounds us together, in a world where it is no longer an option not to be uncautious against the worldly spread of terrorists, who hate us for our freedom. These are dangerous times, folks, and in Texas we say it's time to circle the wagons, which is something all freedom lovers should want to do for their own goods- and the good of the children.
So, tonight in this really fabulous historical venue of civilization, I say thank you for the long history of being our neighbors to the north, and long may you all continue to behave as civilized as this great Museum of Civilization.
Good night, and God bless America.

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