Friday, December 07, 2001

THE LIBRA LESBIAN

To do away with a Libra, play to her innate self-indulgence. Given enough wine, women and song, the Libra lesbian will run her car up a tree while DUI.
Oh, sweet Libra, such a bastion of gentility and aesthetic pulchritude. How quaint thy matching retro bathroom accouterment, how pretty are thine field greens with balsamic raspberry vinaigrette.
How charming her coffee table, strewn with New Yorker magazines and Scottish toffees she bought at the most adorable shoppe whilst she was on holiday.
Okay, okay not all Libras are pretentious twits, but the majority who are screw it up for the rest of them.
Libra lesbians are great talkers. They love to go places to see and be seen. They are open minded beyond any sign. They are great diplomats. They are witty and outspoken in their own polite way. They play fair in games and sports.
Unlike their Virgo and Leo counterparts, there's no telling who a Libra will befriend.
A Libra lesbian party might include lesbians, drag queens, motorcycle gangs, midgets, their grandma, the grocery store clerk with her seven kids, dogs, professors and dope dealers.
The Libra will have manipulated everyone into bringing food or beverages, so the buffet will be bizarre, but there will be a buffet.
A Libra will take on any adventure. They love to go bye-bye, and they'll enjoy wherever they go as long as they get to lead the pack and decide where to go and how long to stay.
Do not quarrel with them over trivia.
They are never wrong, and if you prove them wrong, you are wrong for being so damned competitive and stubborn.
Planning to seduce a Libra lesbian?
Be perfect. Be prepared to be decisive, because they aren't. Ask her advice. Be artsy and learn to drop artsy peoples' names. Let her choose the music, and tell her she's a genius at selection. Buy her the perfect bouquet, the ideal painting, the most magnificent wine. Flash plenty of cash.
How to dump a Libra?
Tell her how old she's starting to look. Tell her to get off her lazy ass and make a decision. Stop ironing your party clothes. Take her to McDonald's and ask to go Dutch. Borrow money and don't pay it back. Answer the phone and stay on it during lovemaking.
That vague look in her eyes will say it's good-bye. She's sure not going to discuss it.

1 comment:

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