Thursday, November 13, 2003

Survivor Tonight!

Now that two crappy teams (except for Rupert) have merged into one, the players are free to flaunt their true natures. As a public service, I offer the following amateur psychological evaluations of the remaining crew.

-Burton: His innate confidence that comes from being handsome and buff will cancel out the blow to his ego that came from being voted out. Already he has charmed Rupert into forgiving and forgetting how he once humiliated him and gave him fat kid flashbacks.
-Christa: She is like the lettuce in the sandwich, not essential, but sort of nice. She'll hang in a while longer because she isn't a threat to anyone.
-Darrah: She's the tomatoes in that same sandwich. She'll also hang in a while longer.
-Jon: He's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Strategy be damned, he's due to get the ax because he's a loathsome, slimy parasite.
-Lillian: Darwin had her in mind when he theorized about the human species. Next to Jon, she's the most dispensable tribe member. She's way not cool to hang around with.
-RyanO: Everyone likes this Beta male. He's cute, compliant, doesn't dish the dirt and flies under the radar. He'll make the final four.
-Sandra: Her outspoken, spicy personality will be her undoing. Sooner or later she'll piss off someone who has some clout, then it's adios for her.
-Tijuana: She's turned out to be pretty kind hearted and well regarded. She could make the final four.
-Rupert: By far the most deserving contestant the show has ever had. He's fair, tough, funny, resourceful, strong and good. With no strong Alpha male to battle him now that Burton is in his debt, he's the one to win. He'll coast through the next few weeks, but watch for Burton to go after him once the merge dust settles.

Predictions for tonight:
Buh bye Jon, you weasley little prick.
Lil, see ya later.

No comments: