Barcodie: Too Late! I've Already Gone Postal!

Tonight I set my diet Coke on top of my ElectroCom Automation L.P. DBCS IV Model 996, and it spilled because Dierdre bumped into it with her firm, delicious, mouth watering, firm yet cuddly cleavage, causing the feeder to obstruct the reader, making the stacker bins shoot out mail at such a forceful psi, a Publisher's Clearing House letter zoomed across the room and lodged itself firmly up Big Mama's freakishly wide posterior.
Some GPCs have a thin shell of plastic around the sides and back and seat-belt type black webbing across the front to close the GPC; these usually don't have a top shelf; this type is commonly called a "web" GPC, while the other kind is usually referred to as a "shelf GPC."
This is the machine I hid behind so I could laugh my ass off at the sight of the PCH letter lodged between Big Mama's huge buttocks globes.
On my break, Oatmeal Bob asked me about what I thought of the situation in the Middle East. I showed him my laminated Arab psychotic death cult card collection and said, "What do you think I think of the situation, Bub?"
After break, they showed another safety film, narrated by Bob Saget, former host of "America's Funniest Home Videos." It must have been an old training film because he suggested we "sniff any suspicious mail that is leaking powder to see if it might be cocaine."
Then after I got off work, I went to Walmart and bought an assault weapon and 5,000 rounds of armor piercing ammo. And some Tostitos and spicy queso dip.