My Little Trip to Titty Hell

Preface: I am on heavy pain meds, stoned with a bruised and punctured breast, so let's not expect much from my lumpy little brain, eh?

First of all, I loved the whole mammo staff of two radiologists, one MSN nurse and one sweet tech who looked like one of the girls from TLC.
Lefty, being kinda friendly and stupid to begin with, greeted them all with full perkiness.
They laid me face down on a table with a hole in it, so Lefty dropped down into the hole and was squeezed between lucite paddles to keep her still. Turns out if you move your eyebrow, your breast moves, so the nurse (a former Army nurse) lectured me and made them reshoot stereoscopic films. Twice. I was so intimidated by then I stayed shock still for 45 minutes.
Then the senior radiologist, a lovely women with alabaster skin and gorgeous white hair, held my hand while a male resident radiologist dressed in full combat gear (camouflage and Army boots) raised the table and made me feel like a 53' Buick on a rack getting a lube job.
He injected some Lidocaine and asked if I was numb, so I lied and said no, so he injected more. No sense in getting anywhere near pain, I say.
Then he stuck in what appeared to be a knitting needle the gauge of a ball point pen filler, and centered it in the mass he saw on the monitor. It went in about three inches.
Then he said I was "going to feel a snap."
Now, I've heard I was going to feel a 'pinch' or a 'sting' by doctors before, but 'snap' was a new term.
I got suspicious when the lady radiologist, the nurse and the tech all laid their hands on the flat of my back and pressed down. Then the 'snap' happened.
Snap, my ass.
Picture a Black Cat firecracker exploding inside your breast, or if you're a man, your nutsac. They held me down because I would have levitated two feet off the table, leaving Lefty squeezed between the lucite paddles of death.
After the snap (which turned out to be a tiny titanium marker they inserted for future
x-ray purposes), the doctor extracted 6 little worms of tissue.
Then the nurse held a wad of dressing on me until the bleeding slowed down, then she bandaged me, applied a tiny, Barbie sized ice pack and had me strap it all down with my bra.
That was it. Not all that horrible, except I could have done without the snap part.
Now I have to do what I do best. Rest and take it easy. And wait for the pathology report. Stay tuned.