TECH FLOO FLOO- I rant, therefore I rant

It's so damn hot, while I was watering the lawn today the Princess came out to bring me some iced nectar she harvested from our backyard garden of Sapphic delight.
She wore a diaphanous white gown, and as she stood next to me, a flock of bluebirds carrying beautiful ribbons in their beaks circled over our heads, chirping happily.
Then, to my horror, a gnat landed on her shoulder.
Fearing she might suffer a painful gnat sting, I lunged toward her and successfully removed the menacing insect. No harm was done, though she was somewhat shaken.
I gently escorted her inside, where she gazed at me with her soft doe eyes and said I was her hero.
As she settled in on her silk moire throne and opened her issue of Vogue, I suited up and went out to the gym and bench pressed 300 pounds, then played some full contact football with some college boys, then I came home and built her a C-46-KKY2-3000 mega harddrive coaxial C3PO hybrid 7 million mega gigatron laptop. Then I got out my 500 pps air compressor, hooked up the spray attachment and painted it pink, just for her.
She giggled and gently kissed my cheek, and it made it all worthwhile.

Oh, and the winner of my contest was Geekygirl, with her entry "Labial Fartface."