Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Debate #3 Tonight
Game, Set, Match

I find it no coincidence that my friend and political nemesis Barcodie wrote me this morning to request a moratorium on our daily, vitriol-filled political e-mail swap until after the election.
If I were a Bush fan, I'd be sweating out tonight's debate, too, and I sure as hell wouldn't want the likes of me sending tons of e-mail howlers about Kerry's KO punch expected against Bush's abysmal domestic performance.
I agreed to put my side of our mutual bitch slapping correspondence on hold. After all, it's no fun once I have the trout up on the pier, with his fins and gills ripped off.

With a podium debate about domestic issues tonight, Kerry prepared for the event by taking a leisurely bike ride, while Bush must be busy getting his "hidden" Karl Rovian transceiver glued to his back, practicing his phrase o' the week, "He can run but he can't hide," and writing, "wrongwar wrongtime wrongplace" and "mixed messages" on his wrists with a fine point Sharpie.

Bush is said to have studied the tapes from Debate #1 to improve his goofy yet grumpy affect and his burnt-out, alkie mannerisms.
But you can't teach smart to a dumbass and you can't stop the twitches on a guy whose alcohol and substance abuse in his callow youth caused some obvious neurological damage.

Right now, I imagine he's frantically leafing through the Federal Agency Directory, so he can find someone to blame for the flu shot shortage.

I think the Latin have a term for the situation Bush will find himself in tonight when he attempts to laud his non-existent domestic accomplishments:

Tu est fucked!

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