Friday, November 07, 2008

Bush Deserves Another Parting Gift
An Open Letter by Karen Zipdrive

Dear President Bush:

After eight years of incredible service to the country, we believe that you're probably very tired and ready to go back to Crawford and relax.
Why, even your dog Barney is tired and it made him cranky enough to bite a reporter yesterday.
We all know President-elect Obama is wasting no time in assembling a staff, so really--it's okay if you go ahead and leave office immediately.
He's got it.
Sure, you're leaving him with quite a few loose ends like the pesky budget crisis, two wars, record deficits and a world that hates us, but it's okay. You did your best, right?
Maybe you can get a jump start on writing your autobiography, huh? While it's true the president of Knoph Books said they'd pass on the project, there are plenty of other publishers out there who'd love to take you on as a new author.
All you have to do is get on the Internets and use teh Google to find some. Ask Jenna, she published a book, didn't she?
Also, there must be piles and piles of brush to clear on the ranch. It'll be even more fun without the paparazzi bugging you while you rev up the chain saw and start to choppin.'
We know you'll probably be putting the ranch up for sale now that you no longer need it to project your cowboy image, so wouldn't it be great to get a jump start on curb appeal?
And counting those bags of cash you'll soon be getting from Halliburton, Pfizer and all the oil companies will take months. Wouldn't you like to get to it now rather than waiting until late January?
It's okay, President Bush.
It's okay to pack up the White House silverware and the throw rugs Miss Beasley peed all over and get going.
Let us know if you need help packing, m'kay?
Seriously. It's time to run along now.


dguzman said...

"Leave now, and never. come. back!"

Gollum had the right idea there, Chimpy. Get the fuck out of town.

Unknown said...

Buh Bye shrubya. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Cannot wait to see the back of his empty head.

Anonymous said...

I've heard he's already hitting the bottle again, and I'm sure Crazy Eyes is hot boxing the hell out of a Marlboro as she's writing letters to protect the whales.

Unknown said...

If I were the shrub, I'd be hitting the bottle until the end of my days.

Anonymous said...

he can leave right now, but ONLY IF HE TAKES DEADEYE DICK WITH HIM! just think of the evil deadeye could do if given the keys to the oval office. well, we already know he's had the keys, but just think of how much worse it will be if it's official! gahhhhhh!!!!

Mauigirl said...

Don't you feel as if he's already gone? I keep forgetting Obama isn't officially president already!

Anonymous said...

Don't let larry Craig drill you in the ass on the way out either, I mean the door, the door, dammit, not Larry Craig. Larry Craig is not a door nor has he ever been one.

Lulu Maude said...

I read that he's busy undoing all the environmental regs he was too busy to torpedo while he was getting us into war and playing global bogeyman.

Remember the old hook for yanking bad acts off the vaudeville stage? Somebody ought to find one.

Unknown said...

Karen, this was a simply delicious post m'dearest blogger friend. :)

You are a wonderful writer that can bitchslap the idiots with a gusto that I can not even begin to possess. spam word is in depraved..ala The Shrub. ;p

Distributorcap said...

did anyone notice the guitar has a presidential seal on it

you have to be fucking kidding....

Unknown said...

Dusty LOL!! I totally hadn't noticed that - hilarious! So the WH has an official acoustic guitar?? WTF? That's toooo damn much.

Anonymous said...

That's why he has to leave it in the White House, DCap. That guitar is government property.