Friday, November 28, 2008

It's New! It's Exciting! It's the All-New iTouch by Apple

Silly, silly, me.
My sister and her partner Thoroughly Modern Milly and Jilly, are richer than shit and always (very modestly) showing me their state-of-the-art electronic shit.
From their iMac to their WiFi to their iPods of all sorts to their fancy phones and flat panel TV's in every room, I got fed up and decided to one-up them the day before Thanksgving.
I went and plunked down more than 300 bucks on an iTouch- the latest in...well, I don't even know what you call the damn things. I just call it the world's most expensive transistor radio--without the radio.
I had to wait to get home to San Antonio to log into and load it up with a zillion songs and movies and games and applications, except for one thing. It requires me to have a WiFi connection and I just barely have DSL. I don't even know what a fucking WiFi connection is.
So, I messed around with the damn little thing and tried my best to load stuff onto it, but I couldn't even load the $50 iTunes gift card I got to go with it.
So I muttered a lot, cussed a bit, then I threw it all back into the bag it came in and I'm going to the Apple Store tomorrow and get my money back.
Well, most of it. They charge a 10% restocking fee.
And the gift card I'll probably just end up giving my sister because I already scratched the code off and fed in into the Apple ethers somehow.
I give up.
I am not electronically inclined, nor will I ever be.
I don't even aspire to be.
I am lucky to have a PC that works, a digital camera I understand and a cell phone. Oh wait, I also have a Blackberry they gave me at work, but all I know how to do on that is dial numbers and occasionally answer it.
I was so eager to become part of the Millenium Generation and show the young pups at work how cool I was with my totally rad iTouch.
Alas, it was too much for me.
Turns out I'm not very cool at all.
Or rad.
I'm just hoping the people who brought us the Jitterbug cell phone (all it does is make and take calls)come up with their version of an iPod. You just turn it on and it plays only 70's and 80's music. Real loud.


Anonymous said...

omigawd! i am even more clueless than you are, karen! i don't even have an ipod, and i am still not quite sure what it is and what it does. a blackberry? beats me! i am barely able to figure out how to make a call on my cellphone, and heaven forbid i have to save a phone number on it! i think i am probably just one step ahead of capt underpants when it comes to being tech savvy.

Anonymous said...

bought my daughter an ipod nano as a reward for a year's worht of great report cards. It wouldn't deal iwht my outdated OS 10 system on apple. I needed to have the leopard or cheetah or some fucking predatory cat system, Here's the irony of the ironies - we were able to load music onto the thing by using my neighbor's IBM. so much for apple being the cool, the no problem dudes...

Karen Zipdrive said...

Yeah--Apple makes great computers but I'm starting to think any computer requires a Master's degree in Computer Science if you want to get beyone e-mail, Google and maybe a little light Blogging.

Fran said...

I wish I lived closer. I would have come over and helped you, I am sure we could have made it work out.

I am an admitted apple-y sort of girl, I am indeed.

Fran said...

Here is my secret for all things techno..... ask the kid.
My son is the tech whiz. He knows to narrow it down to directions like Do this & don't do that!
I have been able to hook up our wifi connection w broadband, and yes our older Mac did not have the correct jungle animal rating to be compatible with the gizmo.
How about this Karen... the asking the apple people to help you get started.

I was given an I touch (the next generation I pod) for my birthday & I love it. It's a timer, calendar, notepad, music box, plus it has wireless gps, stock, weather, internet etc.... without wireless internet,
it functions as a music box & can use all the features but the internet stuff.

Sorry it was a techno bummer for you.

But maybe those apple wizards can make it live/work for you.

Lulu Maude said...

Till I read this, I hadn't even HEARD of an iTouch... so you're ahead of me.

I did buy my spouse an ipod for Christmas. She can load it up with Bach cantatas, her passion... I bought myself an mp3 player at the same time (less expensive) so I can load it up with books on cd.

Since it would seem curious for me to haul out my player before she opens hers, both are in a state of suspended animation.

Truth is, the whole thing makes me a little nervous.

But we'll muddle on.

Anonymous said...

Hold on there Thoroughly Unmodern Zip. You make it sound like Milly and Jilly are up in here all electronified, and we're definitely not. Its just that you've barely left the dial up stage. Our tv has a large screen but its 3 ft thick and we're not getting a new one until this one is totally dead because Jilly is tight with her $$.

For Xmas maybe Santa should bring Zip one of those $29 MP3 players loaded with music (14 songs!!) compliments of Santa. Some sweet Perry Como and maybe more hip tunes from Connie Francis.


p.s. Zip, you sure seemed pleased with your new
i touch when you realized you could see Annie Lennox singing to herself in the mirror any time you wanted.

Anonymous said...

Dear Zip,

Actually, you don't need WiFi at all. You just have to connect iPod Touch to your computer and sync it up to the music and/or video you already have. The iPod should have come with a USB cable just for this purpose.

However, since I'm guessing that you've never had an iPod before, you might not have iTunes installed on your computer yet. iTunes is the software that Apple uses to load the iPod up with your media files.

So head over to and and click on the button that says "Download iTunes".

Give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen?


Anonymous said...

Big Sis and her cohort are coming to San Antonio tomorrow to rig up my iTouch.
They have insisted, and when B.S. is on a mission it's like trying to stop a bullet with your bare hand.
This whole iTouch thing is giving me a lil' headache.

Anonymous said...

Why did you even BUY the darned thing?

Are you so jealous of your sister that seeing her enjoy her purchases makes you feel bad about yours?

So bad that you felt the need to rush into an area in which you aren't comfortable or familiar to buy didn't know what it is (it's not a "transistor radio without the radio"), what was required of it, or how to make it work.

(Hint: A Wifi internet device nees a "fucking WiFi connection")

Did you even ask anyone for help, or were you still feeling so inferior to your sister that you couldn't reveal yourself to know less about gee-whiz gizmos than her and her "richer than shit" partner?

Were you so defeated that you couldn't even take advantage of Apple's free, live-in-person tech support. (You probably didn't even take the time to find out that they provided free hand-holding for non-techies.)

I'm sorry the sight of their "state of the art shit" made you, a person with no fucking WiFi feel that your perfectional gadgets were somehow less-than.

I ate ramen noodles for dinner all last week, but my sister's new 42" plasma doesn't make me want to run out and buy a TV I can't afford and don't understand how to use.

I'm glad she hasn't been hit as bad as I have in this economy.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Anonymous- you don't know shit about me, so you don't know what I can and cannot afford.
If you did know me, you'd know it's hard for me to embrace new technology--it's got nothing to do with my self esteem or my discretionary income.
Why are anonymous commenters always brave enough to spew their bile all over people, yet too chickenshit to sign their names?
Rather than wasting your time on analyzing and criticising strangers, why don't you work on your attitude? Maybe with a little less vinegar you can get a better job and get off the ramen noodles, huh?
I think all that salt and MSG might be turning you into a bitch.

Anonymous said...

Anon, I promise you that Zip was just having a good time teasing me. The conversation that led to her purchase was about intergenerational communication. I told her that the generation after the Gen-X'ers - the Millennials - are all very tech savvy and to communicate with them we need to keep up with techonolgy. The generation after the Millennials are already called the "Digital Tribe."

The iTouch was Zip's attempt to stay in touch, that's all. She's a very generous person especially with her siblings. She only competes to be a bigger smart ass than her siblings.

p.s. I went through my own Ramen phase years ago and actually loved them until I Iearned that those overprocessed noodles are known to cause gall stones.

Katie Schwartz said...


Love the post. Love that you bought a one-touch. My sister is a phone/TV/techie goddess, too. She's so savvy, it cracks me up.

I completely get why you gave it a whirl, why not? What if it was something you fell in love with and it worked out, how bad would that have been.

In these recessed times, I think it's great when anyone can afford to treat themselves. Like so many peeps, you work your ass off -- a girl needs to treat herself, otherwise, she starts to feel like all she does is work and what's the point of that.

Anyway... that was my first point.

Second point is to anony; I do wonder why it is that when someone wants to slam another person, they feel the need to do it anonymously. There was no need to harshly judge your choice to the degree s/he did. It's unfair and unwarranted. S/he has no back-story about you. If s/he read your blog or dished with you at all, s/he'd take that shit back in a heartbeat. You're one of the menschiest most "in touch" dames out there. You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry s/he vented her financial frustration on you - so very wrong on too many levels.

We've all got mishigas, and we're all feeling this recession in some way, directly or by six degrees. Taking it out on someone else, isn't going to move the story along, not even close.

Oy yoy yoy.

Loved the post. Sorry about the iTouch. I don't even know what it is. Ha.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Katie.
If she knew me even a little she'd know I hardly ever feel less-than anyone or strive to keep up with the Joneses.
I think you're right--the economy is stressing almost everyone out and if she's been stressed I'm sorry about that. Truly.