Monday, September 15, 2008

Thanks, Sarah Palin!

With her boundless confidence and ability to create experience and know-how out of whole cloth, I started thinking about things I can do that, using Palin's logic, make me an expert!

-I can send e-mail and I'm a blogger, therefore I am an IT expert.
-I know when my shoes hurt my feet so that makes me a podiatrist.
-I have dated a lot of women so that makes me a gynecologist.
-I love to give advice so call me a psychotherapist.
-I mow my lawn occasionally, so I am a landscape architect.
-I balance my checkbook so call me an economist.
-I go grocery shopping so that makes me a consumer expert.
-I can cook so call me Chef Karen, and my home Chez Zipdrive.
-I take care of my cats so I'm a veterinarian.
-I drive fast so that makes me a professional racer.
-I give political opinions so call me an editorialist or pundit.
-I arranged my own furniture so that makes me an interior decorator.
-I manage all my own prescription drugs so call me a pharmacist.
-I live 250 miles from Mexico so I am a foreign policy expert.
-I own three pieces of gym equipment so that makes me a fitness trainer.
-I have friends in New York so that makes me a 9-11 victim.
-I can roll a decent joint, so call me a drug czar.
-I change light bulbs so that makes me a building superintendent.
-I give old clothes to charity so call me a philanthropist.
-I know how to light fireworks so that makes me a rocket scientist.

I'd list more things but I have to go to work, so that makes me an efficiency expert.


Anonymous said...

Palin is practicing the power of positive non-thinking. Someone needs to tell her that sheer will is not enough.

Anonymous said...

ooooh!! i can't wait to use that picture of princess sarah in the near future!

Anonymous said...

She's no longer a novelty, she's revealed herself as a buffoon, and the media seems to be getting bored with her. Time to move on and get back to hitting hard on THE issue: The economy.

What about Lehman and Merrill Lynch tanking and McCain saying our economy is doing okay??

And what about Karl Rove saying that some McCain spots go “beyond the 100-percent-truth test.”

Whip out the sledge hammer D's.

Katie Schwartz said...

Zip, I adore you. Fucking fantastic list.

Katie Schwartz said...

Wait, you menstruate, yes? If so, doesn't that make you an obstetrician and a pediatrician?

Anonymous said...

Umm no. I'm a hystersister.

Unknown said...

Great graphic KZ!!! I will be stealing it for future use as well. ;p

Jen-Jenny-Jennifer said...

OH!!! You make me want to create my own list! I really likey!!!!

Lori said...

I love that picture! Worth more than a thousand words there.

Great list. And I've been to the movies so that makes me a movie star!!