Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What If She Was Given Truth Serum?

Let's pretend that Sarah Palin agreed to sit down in matching armchairs for an interview with crack reporter Karen Zipdrive.
Now let's pretend that Karen slipped a large dose of sodium pentathol into Sarah's Diet Mountain Dew.
Here's their interview:

KZ: Governess Palin, why is it that the McCain camp seems to keep you from being interviewed or questioned by reporters?
SP: Welp, Karen, see, the thing is, I'm kinda sorta behind the learning curb in international stuff.
KZ: Such as?
SP: Welp, ya see, I'm so far behind, Karen, I'm not even that sure what I don't know.
KZ: Yet you feel ready to be president if (God forbid) anything happens to Sen. McCain?
SP: Oh, your darn tootin' I do, Karen. Yeppers!
KZ: Based on what?
SP: Welp, Karen, any new job has its learning curb- so like Bill Clinton said, is anyone really ready to be president?
KZ: You consider the presidency to be 'any job'?
SP: Oh H-E-double hockey sticks no, Karen! It's like the bestest job you can get! Free travel, good pay, free rent, a limo, plus you don't have to take shit from anyone!!!
KZ: Would you feel confident confronting enemy nations?
SP: The question is, Karen, do they feel lucky confronting me? I mean come on, Karen, we got more bombs than Alaska has wolves. Do you think the Afghanese or the Pinkos or the ChingChong countries out there won't think I'll push the gol'darn red button, Karen?
KZ: So you advocate force before diplomacy?
SP: Welp, Karen, it's like this. When my kids do something wrong, a good smack upside the head gets their attention. Then after that, they listen.
KZ: So you consider enemy nations like recalcitrant children?
SP: If recalcitrant means bad, Karen, then yes I do!
KZ: So basically, you'd run America on a 'my way or the highway' system?
SP: HEL-LO!? We are the most popular, cutest and richest country on Earth, Karen. These terrorist countries have gotten too big for their britches, so what's wrong with turning a few of them into parking lots so's the other ones get the message?
KZ: How's that diet Mountain Dew, can I get you a refill?
SP: Hey, if it's free, why the heck not?
KZ: Indeed.


Anonymous said...

hey karen!
while you have her on the truth serum, ask her if she had the affair with todd's business partner! inquiring minds want to know.

Randal Graves said...

Who know the 'cut the bullshit' foreign policy mantra of McFossil was so popular!

Fran said...

Karen- how did you land that one?

She almost sounds smarter than I imagined... which ain't sayin' much!

Lulu Maude said...



Anonymous said...

You captured her perfectly.

dguzman said...

Holy shit, LOL! By the time I'd gotten to the fourth "Welp, Karen" I was laughing so hard my boss came over to see what I was doing.

Jess Wundrun said...

Oh yooer darn tootin' Karen!